There was one thing I knew for sure- I felt sick, at any moment I was expecting to puke up. Starting from the area which my magic container would be held in- the minor source for any magicient's magic. I didn't know what they had done to me, but it had caused some minor side affects. I turned to the door wondering if I would have visitors anytime soon. Not at this time- I thought, what else could they do to me? Cautiously aware that the door could be unlocked from the outside, I stepped out of the bed, wobbling towards the mirror that leaned against the bare wall. At first I took notice of my face. Trying to discover any changes- there were none....so far. Carefully I stripped off the hospital gown, revealing my bare skin to the cold draught.
I shivered as I stared at my reflection in the frozen mirror. What had they done? I had no memories of any recent events. What changed? My dark hair appeared to have been looked after; washed and brushed. I didn't look like I had been out for God knows how long. My body didn't appear to have lost any weight; I still looked close to becoming anorexic, but that wasn't anything new to me.
Slowly I rotated round, examining parts of my body that could show signs of previous events I hadn't been aware of. As my bare back faced the mirror, I paused. There. Something beneath my dark curls. A forbidden Mark. Gently, I lifted my hair up above my neck to reveal black writing. Hidden between my two shoulder blades. SIO.....a name? I strained to keep my neck facing the mirror, as I struggled to work out the strange writing. I let go of my hair and allowed it to fall back into place. From the floor I picked up the revealing hospital gown and sat on the end of the bed.
SIO?
A number? Possible. Yes. A number.....015. I was looking at my reflection, after all. Changes on the inside, they'd said. The reason of feeling sick.... I cupped my hand up to my mouth, forgetting about the hospital gown, and rushed to the bathroom. I puked until my stomach felt empty and hollow.
................................
Washing my face with running water in the sink all the pieces fell together. The sickness, the branded number between my shoulder blades, the reason for me being here in the first place. Me, Marina Marvish, formerly Sofia Atkinson, the girl with one too many different identities, had a new name. I stared horrified at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes had become bloodshot and veins were popping from my forehead.
I was Experiment 015.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,359 Literary Works • 673,124 Reviews
I LOVE... LOVE... LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How interestingly chilling this piece of work is. I love how at the beginning it lets the readers know that something bigger is coming around the corner, but you don't quite know what? I also love how the writer made the numbers look like letters to the character in the story, which as the reader caught me off guard for a minute because I assumed it to be letters as well. I would definitely love to read more on this story if there is to be a continuation on it, I honestly believe that there should be more written on this story in my opinion. Great story!
^^ THANKS (giving you a big birth hug right now!!) I was going to continue it, but I had no idea what could happen. I was planning on there being four chapters from four point of views with a twist at the end. Maybe I'll try writing it now!! Ah, Thankies!!!! ^^
The sequel Experiment 016 is up!! Feel free to read, comment, like and review!!
Hi!!!
Wow I think this piece of work here is amazing. So basically, even
though I have a lot of reasons, my main ones are how you totally
leave the readers wondering more and more about what's happening,
you really try to make the everything three dimensional and the building
up of the events is really cool and awesome
BUT not to be mean or anything just trying to help maybe you could have
developed it a bit more to create a more solid idea of what's happening
and a basic general idea of maybe what's going on to give it a bit of
background. I'm saying this because I made a similar mistake with my
writing and I'm trying to improve too. Overall this was awesome keep it
up
Thanks ^-^ I noticed myself exactly what you said and I agree that I do.
Experiment 016, the sequel is up and I hope this may create more of a solid background.
In my opinion, you know how to leave a reader wanting to know more. What happened? How did the character end up that way? What is going on? Typical questions, sure, but they are touched upon heavily here in a way that's appreciated.
On the other hand, I do agree with the other reviewers in the sense that it does feel a bit rushed. You could probably break it down a little, and maybe add to the suspense some?
Other than that, I've nothing else to say but keep up the good work!
Thank you! I agree with the reviewers as well. I've noticed that I rush things in my writing most of the time, so I'm trying to practise to slow it down.
I've uploaded the next chapters and hopefully this time it doesn't appear as rushed as 015!!
I enjoyed this because of the suspense and mystery. I like your main character's tone and she seems well thought out for a first chapter. There was lots of description as I read so I got an excellent idea of the setting and character.
What I would like to know is about the experiment on her. What have they done to her?
Has her skin turned red?
Does she now have special powers or something?
Just saying that there are a lot of exciting possibilities so I'll come back to this because the concept was GREAT.
Will be reviewing you soon...
Thanks a lot!! ^_^
I've uploaded the second section Experiment 016. I haven't included why they're in this mess yet to what they've done to them. -facepalm- please review/ comment.
I will at some point, don't worry
Thanks ^^
I enjoyed this story, though I felt you tried to introduce too many things too quickly and it left me a little confused as to what was happening in the story. The descriptions of her and the setting in which she is placed are good and help to add to the mystery of where she is and why she's there. It still leaves questions unanswered such as "What are the other identities?" or "Why is Experiment 015 important?". I just think this would be much better if you added to this or made it a longer story.
Thanks for the review. Later on the week I'll try an add another chapter to it.
Not much to be said, or rather should I say so far almost everything is understandable. ALMOST being the key word. Why is 015 more horrified with her new name than with the fact that she was kidnapped in the first place. Does she know the people who did it? Better question, what of her memories before she was kidnapped? Other than that I thought it was awesome. Can't wait for the next chapter! =^_^=
I'm so glad you liked it. I'll try and upload the next chapter asap, but I still have school this week. I'll do my best! ^_^
Next chapter UPLOADED....after like....three months? Sorry.
I like it. Mystery, suspense, I think it would make a great novel, just think about it. I don't particularly like looking for errors, so I didn't find any. I let me know when you publish something else, I am looking forward to reading more of your work. Keep writing! The world needs writers like you. When I finish with this review, I will move on to the other work here, Tales of a Fairy.
~Kelpies
Thanks for the review, it really gave a confidence boost! I was thinking of editing some of my other works as I found that there was a lot I could change about them. I'll try and keep you notified.
Just read the other one, I'm still working on the review!
Hey, Huda here,
Your story is good and I liked it a lot but there are a few things I would like to highlight:
1) You have too many paragraphs.It breaks the continuity a little.
2) There are a few grammatical errors but hey are negligible.
3) In my view, you should have written a bit more, explaining your plot because the writer gets confused as the story proceeds.
4) The descriptions are really good and they inspired me a lot.
5) The words used are good and they enhance the beauty of the writing.
Hope this proves helpful. Keep writing!
Thanks!
First off there are a couple of minor errors that you would do well to address. In the third paragraph there should be a comma after bed. In the fifth I think you mean draught not drought.
Apart from these I spotted no major errors, so onto my opinion.
I think here you main flaw is that you have too many paragraphs. This breaks up the flow a little and makes it slower and less natural to read. Perhaps consider joining a few together.
Also I am still a little confused as to the plot, but I shall blame that on my ignorance over your writing.
Other than this the description was good, far better than my own, and the structure consise.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Thanks!