A real life fiction story
"What? You're stalking me?'
"No. I'm following you on Facebook."
"Yeah, knew that."
"Also on Twitter."
"Is that right? Okay."
"And on Tumblr."
"Yeah, just started that."
"You're also on writing sites. I follow you there too."
"You know me on all those sites? You know my avatar names?"
"Yep. Not hard to do. I love your work. I read everything of yours."
"Is that right? Okay. Flattering."
"Yeah. Of course I know where you live."
"Sweetie, you're starting to scare me now. Are you sure you aren't stalking me?"
"What do you think, dear?"
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well..this was quite an entertaining little story here...I feel like maybe its meant to be somewhat of a cautionary tale as well and while its making us laugh its also telling us to be careful on social media but ehh...in general this is a really fun little conversation to read.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay....this sounds like the beginning of a joke at the moment...and honestly I am all for it...this sounds like it could also simultaneously a hidden message to teach us about the potential dangers of the internet and just social media and general...well...at any rate let's see where this story is headed.
Okay...well the creepiness factor increases by a tiny bit...well...although that can't be too uncommon I think at least...well let's see...I'm sure this gets much worse as we go along in the story.
Hmm...well this is adding up now, one by one...I guess you could call that somewhat stalkerish...I mean it is ambiguous I suppose here..xD...you just never quite know how to tell do you?
Okay...well this is starting to get a bit too into the stalker category I see...or at least its getting really far into being somewhat of an very dedicated fan at least...following folks on quite so many places.
Well I would advise being very very scared at that point...or at the very least not putting data like the actual place you live up on social media...that seems like a good starting point in general there....well...at any rate...that was kinda of a funny ending there...pretty neat little story you've got here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: OKay...well...and so it comes to an end. It was quite a fun little story, even if you didn't really plan on making this as complicated as my overthinking has made it out to be. Well at any rate, that's all I've gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello Chips here with a review.
I thought this piece was quite relate-able since social media has made it very simple to find people.
I wouldn't really call this a "short story" necessarily, it was too short and had pure dialogue throughout. It would fit the "Other" category more I think. I think this piece could do with more length too.
"What? You're stalking me?'
"No. I'm following you on Facebook."
Here, it would be even better if you hadn't have gone straight into the "stalking" element or mentioned it yet because, it made the rest of the piece fall flat. This beginning line, "What? You're stalking me" is introduced to the reader too early, hence making the character who said that sound almost like they're jumping to conclusions.
"You're also on writing sites. I follow you there too."
Here, it would be even better if you named some of the websites as oppose to just saying "writing sites", it would have been more effective.
You know my avatar names?"
This line would be even better if the character had given accurate descriptions of what the avatars were and had the exact dates they were put up and taken off. Because at the moment, it isn't as creepy at all as it can possible be.
"Is that right? Okay. Flattering."
The responses of the person being "stalked", are quite casual and they don't seem particularly scared, I think that aspect can be much more exaggerated.
"Yeah. Of course I know where you live."
To me, this was the only main line that was necessarily creepy or worrying. As an overview, I think as strangelove mentioned below, you could include them being literally followed around like some type of crazy fan. I think your piece needs to have a momentum built up as everything is sort of moving at the same pace right now, it's not making me feel any particular emotion. Perhaps adding some imagery? It would be of great use.
Overall, a good effort. I hope this review didn't sound too harsh, it had good intentions. Keep writing!
--Chippy.
This honestly doesn't effect me that much, to be honest.
I mean it's real, it does happen, but it wouldn't be stalking (to me)
To me, stalking is calling phones, following literally, and all that. This is just reading a person's works and writing. It's weird, yes, but it doesn't qualify for me
Like this a lot!
Hello Laughmaster. Wolf here for a review.
Alright, so I'm not really sure what to make of this. In a way, I can still consider this as a short story, since I have seen full dialogue short stories, but it doesn't seem to have the things normal short stories do, as mentioned by JamesHunt. Even just so much as the gender of your characters isn't made really apparent to me, which is slightly important when dealing with those kinds of stories. I'll go no further on this since I'm sure James established this perfectly well.
On the other hand, you do a really nice job of getting the point across, in a humorous way might I add. Even the simplicity of it kind of adds to the effect. These seemingly simple actions can be seen as two really good friends, because, if I had Twitter and all that, I'd so follow all my friends and can still say 'I know where you sleep at night' without being a stalker. Still, friends can still be stalkers.
Your ending is really open for interpretation. On one had this person can be a real stalker, since of course anyone can be a stalker, but on the other it can just be like a thing where one person see's the other around. You don't really delve deep enough to show obvious proof of one speaker being a stalker, though your tone kind of implies that one is accusing the other. I'm guessing that's what your going for.
Still, this was a nice little read, and you did well on giving me a laugh (though I'm not sure if this was intended to be funny or not). I can understand why you left it so vague, but maybe you'll delve deeper into this at some point.
Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare
That happened to me.
Salutations
Even though I have only recently begun reading short stories, I am already in love with this challenging and beautiful genre of writing. I have studied what certain claim to be the most essential aspects of writing a short story, and in doing so, I have learned that not everyone can simply write a short story.
When writing a short story, brevity is absolutely essential, but that does not mean you may neglect your imagery or characterisation - on the contrary, you must pay even more attention to these, for now you have much less space in which to write, yet you must still put in as much detail.
Frankly, this is not a short story, but rather a collection of fourteen lines of direct speech. This should be classified under "Other", in my opinion, for it does not fall under any standard category. I could preach to you about what a short story actually is - and believe me, I had strongly considered doing exactly that, at first - but that would not really be useful to you. Instead, I shall make a few suggestions on how you can expand on this idea.
Seeing as you classifed this as a short story, I would firstly advise that you write it as one. Begin with the setting. Write about where the story takes place, and then introduce the protagonist. You can even come straight to the point by immediately introducing the conflict situation your protagonist experienceing, which is the situation with the stalker, of course. If you decide to do this, then just remember not to rush things. Keep things as short as you can, but keep them detailed.
Another option is to rewrite this into a dialogue. Should you choose to do that, then you'd have to classify it under "Script", even if you are not planning on writing a sequel. That way, you can keep your content mostly dialogue, without reducing it to a bodyless conversation.
Of course, you can simply keep it under "Other" if you so wish. Then you would not have to change anything about this piece, but simply the category under which it falls. As far as your writing goes, I cannot truly criticise it because there isn't really anything to criticise. You have communicated your point, at least, so that is good.
Oh, and by the way, from what I've gathered thus far, this will probably be in the Literary Spotlight.
Review Week
I am not understanding the true fiction story, is some of it real or something? By the way this is so disturbing, I hope it's not true.
I hate when people have to suffer cause of someone else's stupidity. May "He," Be with you and your struggles!