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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hello! Raven here to do a quick review!
Now, I am not one to review poetry, but I am here to give my best shot!
I like the poem you have here! It is obviously funny, and made to make the reader laugh. The descriptions, while short, were enough to give us a feeling of the place and what the clown ghosts looked like.
While I am ignorant in the ways of verse, I must say I like this line. Though, it could use some improvement. However, first, I am going to point out what I like about it.
The line in bold, while usual length, described so much. Just that one word in there (dilapidated). Told us so much about the house and how the ghosts treated it.
Now, for the italics. I see the ghost crying like a child, and I love that part. However, I think the "cry" should be "crying."
Finally, the underlined. I personally would change it to, "fat dwarf." Instead of the former.
You might want to look through this, seeing if everything rhymes. Some of the stanzas have things that almost rhyme, but not quite!
I like how you used your username in the poem. I found that funny and creative. I also enjoyed the rhyming. (Don't tell anyone this, I like poetry that rhymes.)
I like the tale you have written and hope to see more from you!
Rae,
Despite the many grammatical errors, I like this poem. It reminds me of the type of poem you would read in a children's book. Something about ghosts and laughter is beautiful. Children may read this and as they grow, share it with newer generations. Although, I have to agree that the line about him having a long beard is undeniably useless. Perhaps, if you were merely using that line as a filler, you could find something that would make a little more sense? Other than that, the poem is completely adorable and worth reading to little ones. (and a little punctuation wont hurt.) I hope to read more of your work in the future. Good luck to you.
Hello Laughmaster! Unkown391625 here with another review!
Ok so, great poem! I saw an unnecessary line, which was he had a long beard. It didn't really fit in with the first stanza. I also don't know if you meant to do this, but you put no punctuation whatsoever. This is a good poem though. You categorized the genres and the rating with the story very well. Other than the punctuation errors and the unneccesarry lines, its good. Good job! I will look for more stories and poems by you. Don't give up and always write, Laughmaster!
-Unknown391625