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Enemies in Crime. Chapter two 4.4

by LadyMysterio


The worst part about the dirt road that lead to the city. Was the number of potholes that seemed to appear right under her wheels. No matter how hard she peered over the steering wheel at the darkened road, or switch the might on high. She never failed to find herself nastily jolted around. As the car ricocheted in and out of the various potholes. Despite her attempts to still or hold her left arm still, it ended up being jerked in one way or another. Shooting a needle of pain up her arm.

Zillah had never felt so relieved as she turned onto the smoothly paved highway.



 

Zillah took a road that went around the city to the suburbs. Both because most of the city roads were closed. And she had less of a chance she'd run into police out here.
She stopped before a row of neat white houses. Glancing at the road name.
“No, I think it's the next one.” she drove to the next road, then the next, eventually ending up full circle. She leaned her head against the headrest drumming her fingers on the steering wheel.
She started at the dull fuzzy ceiling of the car, then pulled her head forward.” I think his house was dark blue? With white trim?”
She drove off again, pulling going up and down each street. Leaving over the steering wheel as she studied each house. Spotting a house fitting the descriptions of Sorens she passed it. And pulled over around the corner.
Zillah casually walked down the sidewalk and Searched the house for cameras. When she found none, she ducked into the back yard of the house she spun surveying the yard.” Yup this is it. Looks a little different not from the air.”
She'd noted the ground had no opening windows, but turning towards the house, she spotted one.
Tiptoeing over to it she examined the opening side, then peeked at the lock.
She smacked her right hand to her face. ”You've got to be kidding me, Soren,” her hand muffling her talking. ”You're a superhero yet you leave your windows unlocked.”
The villainess slid it open. Then dragged a lawn chair under the window. Stepping up on the lawn chair she put on her leg through the window. Placing her foot on what she assumed was the kitchen counter. She placed her right hand on the sill and ducked inside the window. She tucked her another leg in, accidentally kicking the chair back.
She paused listening.
Nothing.

 

Zillah hopped off the counter and peeked around the corner.
Where would Soren put his medical supplies? Most likely in the bathroom or a cupboard.
This might take a bit.
She wandered the house, wary of creaking floorboards or stairs. If Soren woke up to nighttime sounds he'd think there was an intruder. Wich there was. Having personal experience with Sorens fighting ability. She wasn't up to it with an injury.

 

The bathroom revealed nothing, as did the various closets and cupboards she opened.
Yawning she closed what seemed like the hundredth cupboard," either he's out, or I'm blind." She yawned again."I need sleep."

 

Trudging over to the living room she slouched onto the couch, pulling the down blanket draped over it. She wrapped it around herself, carefully resting her left arm down. Sighing she closed her eye and leaned her head back.
A beeping filled zillahs brain. She groaned, and lifted her head, squinting in the morning light. The beeping stopped.
"It's morning?" Zillah rubbed her eyes and tossed the blanket aside. The beeping persisted again. "What is that?!"

 

She followed it into the kitchen." Oh, it's the coffee, perfect." She grabbed a mug out of the cupboards she'd now become fairly familiar with.

 

Pouring the dark liquid in, she wrapped her hand around it savouring the warmth. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had coffee. Lazy rays of the sun reflected off the metal of the coffee machine. What time was is it?
She glanced over at the microwave.
7:30 not bad.
She turned and grabbed some cream from the fridge. Watching it swirl as she added it to the coffee.
As she was putting the cream away, a groggy Soren entered.
“Hey sleepyhead, want a coffee?” She waved her hand at the coffee maker
He stared at her for a few moments, “What?

Soren ran a hand through his tousled hair.

“WHY is there a supervillain in my kitchen drinking my coffee?”
“Good morning to you too.” 
“Wow, you look bad, and again why are you in my house and how'd you get in here?”
She swallowed some coffee, “You forgot to lock your kitchen window.”
“There's a door, and WHY are you here."
“You were sleeping,” She shrugged, “and I needed some medical supplies”
“Huh. Wait, you've been here all night?"
“I wasn't gonna bother going back home, I'm out of supplies anyway.”
“How'd you get here?"
“I borrowed a car.”
"You mean stole.”
“Hey, I have the keys! No damage was done.”

 

Soren poured himself some coffee. “The first aid supplies are in the cupboard in my bathroom suite, upstairs.” He gestured with his head, “Come down to the living room, we need to talk about who beat you up so badly and why.”
“Hey, I got it handled.”
“Yes because broken bones, bruises, and cuts mean you have something handled.”
Zillah rolled her eyes and headed upstairs.
“Ah, here we go.” She opened the door and swiftly passed an intricately carved wardrobe. Opening a door and grabbing a box full of bandages sitting on the counter." No wonder I couldn't find it"

 

She balanced her coffee on top of the box and made her way downstairs, carefully navigating each step.
Zillah met Soren in the living room.

“I’m gonna sit by that mirror so I can see what I’m doing.” she gestured to a mirror leaning on a wall.

Soren nodded.

 

Zillah pulled out a roll of gauze and started wrapping her arm in a makeshift sling.
“So.” Soren sipped his coffee. “What happened”
‘Well.” She winced, moving her injured arm. "Basically I was told to leave, didn't want to, got thrown about, and here I am.”
“Sound fun.”
“Did I mention he injured my collarbone? Gave me a headache too, my necks are pretty sore too. I'm gonna need a chiropractor”
"You should try mine.”
“Huh?”
“Chiropractor.”
“Oh ok.”
“Mhmm,” Soren sat thinking. “So who is this guy?"
“Huh?" Zillah had gotten engrossed in opening a bandage, “Oh, yes Force”
“Nice name and you're sure you have this under control?"
“Yes!”
“Alright then.”
“Mhmm," she mumbled, "I'm gonna get going now.”
She grabbed a few extra bandages and stood up.
"Sure you can have that,” Soren remarked sarcastically
Zillah ignored him and headed out the door
“Don't forget to return that car. Oh And don't tell anyone you were here. I don't want to have to deal with government people getting mad that I didn't arrest you." He yelled as she closed the door.
“Yeah yeah I know.”
As soon as she had driven off, Soren reached for the phone, and speed dialled a number.
Someone answered.

“Look we need to talk,” Soren said harshly, “this wasn't part of the deal.”


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93 Reviews


Points: 2972
Reviews: 93

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Sun Jan 31, 2021 2:53 am
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Stellarjay wrote a review...



Hey LadyMysterio,
(I know I'm doing this out of order, but just forget about that lol) Another lovely addition to your story! Let's see what it has in story for us........Oh, oh dear.
The Good Stuff

Placing her foot on what she assumed was the kitchen counter. She placed her right hand on the sill and ducked inside the window. She tucked her another leg in, accidentally kicking the chair back.
She paused listening.
Nothing.

The suspense! Throughout her endevour in Soren's house I kept waiting for him to wake up and shoot her or something.

- This is an in-between one. The dialogue was really good, it was engaging, funny and overall enjoyable to read. One thing I would suggest though is maybe adding in things that their doing as their talking. Not too much, maybe like once or twice just to break it up a little bit.

Improvements
- Yet again, the misspelling. Though the grammar is good ( I think), girl the misspelled words! I don't want to focus on that though, so I'm not lol. And that's all for improvements.

I hope this helps, Keep on writing and have a great rest of your day!
- Stellarjay




LadyMysterio says...


grammerly is failing me. thx for the review tho!



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22 Reviews


Points: 1946
Reviews: 22

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Sat Jan 30, 2021 3:27 pm
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raindrops wrote a review...



Hellooooo!!! raindrops is dropping here yet again.

So this time, I do not think that this is unedited. You intended for the paragraphs to be edited this way. However, they look clustered.

“WHY is there a supervillain in my kitchen drinking my coffee?”
“Good morning to you too.”
“Wow, you look bad, and again why are you in my house and how'd you get in here?”
She swallowed some coffee, “You forgot to lock your kitchen window.”
“There's a door, and WHY are you here."
“You were sleeping,” She shrugged, “and I needed some medical supplies”
“Huh. Wait, you've been here all night?"
“I wasn't gonna bother going back home, I'm out of supplies anyway.”
“How'd you get here?"
“I borrowed a car.”
"You mean stole.”
“Hey, I have the keys! No damage was done.”
I see that you do not want to separate these dialogues because they can be considered as a group, but let us see which looks better if we do separate it, don't we.

“WHY is there a supervillain in my kitchen drinking my coffee?”

“Good morning to you too.”

“Wow, you look bad, and again why are you in my house and how'd you get in here?”

She swallowed some coffee, “You forgot to lock your kitchen window.”

“There's a door, and WHY are you here."

“You were sleeping,” She shrugged, “and I needed some medical supplies”

“Huh. Wait, you've been here all night?"

“I wasn't gonna bother going back home, I'm out of supplies anyway.”

“How'd you get here?"

“I borrowed a car.”

"You mean stole.”

“Hey, I have the keys! No damage was done.”
I personally would pick this one (with spaces in between paragraphs). It looks cleaner. I have to mention though, I am loving these exchange in dialogues. Ah, sweet romance, hope you guys fight super bad soon.

The worst part about the dirt road that lead to the city. Was the number of potholes that seemed to appear right under her wheels. No matter how hard she peered over the steering wheel at the darkened road, or switch the might on high. She never failed to find herself nastily jolted around. As the car ricocheted in and out of the various potholes. Despite her attempts to still or hold her left arm still, it ended up being jerked in one way or another. Shooting a needle of pain up her arm.
Honestly, you're giving me some heartache, haha. I am awed with how detailed and on point you write. But the proper use of punctuations got to be improved, and I know that'll happen. So I'll focus on the good parts, like, again, how superb this whole paragraph is.

“No, I think it's the next one.” she drove to the next road, then the next, eventually ending up full circle.
cliché, but is a well used cliché. I notice that you tend to use cliché events in your writings. In the previous chapter, I noticed two. However, don't mistake that I think it's bad, because you use them wisely in a way the reader's get reminded of such things that we realize: funny, it does happen quite many times

“Look we need to talk,” Soren said harshly, “this wasn't part of the deal.”
Oh no, you BAD BOY

Another great chapter LadyM




LadyMysterio says...


hahah glad you enjoyed this one, its my personal favorite. For some strange reason when I copy paste this from Grammarly to here it gets rid of the spaces between paragraphs. sometimes I miss adding them back in so thx for pointing that out.




Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.
— Abraham Lincoln