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140,268 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
Hi hello, here for a quick review!
First up: Really interesting way to order the words, I love how it works to cement the message of the poem.
[Must admit, I looked at Lavvie's review to really understand the meaning of this and it's brilliant! Also teaches me a lot about how to write and read poems, thank you!]
I also find it interesting that Christians usually capitalise their god and his pronouns. And you use "His god may forgive Him" with a capitalised Him like that. This leaves so many interesting interpretations! What kind of god are we talking about? Who is He that maybe forgiven and yet gets to have capitalisation?
Hi there! Happy Review Day!
I am totally biased because I love this style of verse, but I really appreciate the simplicity and beauty here. Every word is meaningful which should be the case in poetry, and I can tell that you've been intentional.
I am surprised this has not been reviewed already. I'm glad I found it
In terms of visuals, I am not so sure the choice of font colour was the wisest - it makes a little more difficult to read which might detract from the poem itself or turn people off in the beginning. The formatting is... intense! I'm wondering if maybe getting rid of the points and dashes, and just leaving the stars to break up the verses might be better? But that is a personal suggestion
I love the contrast between your choice of words and how they are visually represented. For example, "of His codependency" being split up and "moored icebergs" literally being un-moored from the rest of the poem. In a similar contrast, the capitalization of the "He/Him" pronouns versus the lack thereof in "god" is remarkable. Leading from there, I could be totally off-base here, but are there religious undertones here? I'm wondering if this is speaking to someone's ambiguous relationship with their faith?
Overall, I felt the delivery was excellent, with just a few tweaks needed here and there. I really enjoyed this - do let me know when you post more, so I can make sure you get a timely review next time.
All the best,
Lavvie
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your review