Lake Bedrock

Hey there L182,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review.

LINE-BY-LINE/NITPICKS:

In essence I should be able to float Ok, so as a start, this isn't bad.
But I touch the water and don't Grammatically this line is correct, however the flow from the first line to the second seems a bit off. I would suggest changing up the wording a bit --- such as: "but when I touch the water I don't"
Splashing waves hit me with ease
While I struggle with buoyancy
If this were a lake id I'd be like a heavy rock
Ore within never to be refined I'm slightly confused about the transition between this line and the previous one.
if I should drown nowcomma I worry not
For I carried worth even if lost
The last few meters have been devoid, dark ,
cold and starkAgain, I am slightly confused about the transitions between the last few lines.

I'm cutting the last few lines since I didn't have any thing to comment on them.

OVERVIEW: Before I go on, I wanted to say welcome to YWS. I'm looking forward to see a lot more from you.

To begin with, I really love the little cartoon at the beginning of the poem. I mean it's kind of dark but it's still cute. I also didn't notice anything referencing the artist so I was wondering, did you draw it? Any who let us get on with the review.

So I'm gonna go over these aspects in depth: Punctuation/Capitalization, Rhyme Scheme and Content.

1.) PUNCTUATION AND CAPITALIZATION

A) Punctuation:
Reading through your piece, I noticed that there was very little punctuation at all. Besides two little commas -- which were in the same sentence, in the middle of the poem -- you have nothing to reference a moment for your readers to stop. The main problem with this is that without any punctuation, your readers don't know when a thought has ended and a new one has begun.

There were a couple places in your poem that I started to become confused about. It wasn't until I read through your piece a couple times that I begun to kind of see what you were saying -- but that's to long to come to a realization. You need to have the punctuation in the poem to signify when the reader needs to switch from one idea and get ready to start thinking about a new one.

B) Capitalization:
So I don't want to dwell on this long. Basically, for the most part every single line was capitalized which can become strenuous to the eye. As well, it did seem out of place for a few lines to not be capitalized while the others were. Remember to stick to consistency when you write. Oh and as well, remember to capitalize pronouns such as "I"

2.)RHYME SCHEME

Let's look back at the poem for a moment:

Spoiler

In essence I should be able to floatA
But I touch the water and don'tA
Splashing waves hit me with easeB
While I struggle with buoyancy B
If this were a lake id be like a heavy rock*
Ore within never to be refined*
if I should drown now I worry not *
For I carried worth even if lost*
The last few meters have been devoid, dark , C
cold and starkC
I've reached my end in sandy rockD
colored by my mind now overclocked D
A texture I know too well now a days *
rock bottom has become comforting*
But as pressuring as the depth may be *
I tell myself one day I'll float cause in essence I should*

So in case you got a little confused by what I did above, basically I paired the lines that rhymed and then I added an asterisk next to the lines that didn't have a rhyme.

Now if you were to look at the pattern you go in this order: two couplets and then four lines of free verse. While there is a slight pattern, the fact that half of your poem rhymes and the other half doesn't is a little off putting. It hurts the flow of the poem and makes it read kind of choppy. This is another instance where you want to stick with consistency. I would also suggest dividing this poem into stanzas.

C.) CONTENT
This is simple. I liked it. Yes I did get a little confused at a few parts, but for the most of it, I found it to be very interesting. It's something that I feel quite a few people can relate to and the ending is a nice resolve where the speaker shows how they haven't exactly given up home. Good job. Just clean up the delivery a bit and I think you got this down.

That's it I think. I hope I helped and wasn't confusing, but in case I was then feel free to ask questions. Good luck and continue writing.