Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
As the dawn of the 31st century loomed, the human race has been in a state of nearly constant war. The inhabited planets of the nearby solar systems was split into the Inner and Outer Spheres after a long and bloody civil war. Each side taking massive losses, the two sides signed a ceasefire in the year 2840. However this ceasefire was nothing but a trick that both sides thought they were playing on each other. They used this temporary truce, like governments before them, to re-arm, regroup, and get as many soldiers to the front as possible.
Because of this ceasefire, humanity saw the biggest arms race in history as new advancements were made nearly everyday. Regular foots soldiers were equipped with more advanced weaponry and armor, making them faster, smarter, more lethal. Tanks were bigger, badder, and better. Aircraft, once used for the sole purpose of fighting on planets were now fighting in space. Navies, were upgraded with massive new guns capable of shooting ships from the sky as they entered orbit. However the most notable achievement was the construction of the armored, assault platforms called Battlemechs.
Battlemechs were the pinnacle of modern engineering. These hulking metal monstrosities were unlike anything that had been created before. While the first models were clunky, inefficient, and downright unwieldy for the pilots, by the time the 31st century rolled around, both the Inner and Outer Spheres had perfected the design and the manufacturing for hundreds of different models. Each more deadly than the last. But each had their own job. Each was armed to the teeth with plasma cannons, machine guns, laser projection systems, missiles, rockets and whatever else the Spheres wanted to shove onto an armored giant. These 'Mechs became the battlefield standard. Some weighing in at one hundred tons.
By the year 3010, the ceasefire ended and both Spheres erupted into war again. But this time, with the Battlemechs at their disposal, the war reached a new height of depravity. Foot soldiers would be obliterated, tanks utterly crushed, ships melted into slag because of the awesome might of these giants. Entire cities crumbled, planets were subjugated and all because of differing opinions.
By 3016, the war had taken it's toll and the Outersphere surrendered. With the Inner Sphere victorious, they decided to add insult to injury and forbid the formation of another centralized Outer Sphere government. The Outer Sphere's economy collapsed by 3020, and by 3025, the Outer Sphere was no more. At least in terms of material being. The idea, however, of what the Outer Sphere stood for remained and was as strong as ever.
In 3030, the Outer Sphere degenerated into a lose assortment of clan mentality. Each planet playing host to one or more clans and soon, each was fighting for control. This led to even more war and death and once again, the Battlemechs were at the forefront. The pilots once again becoming heroes and reclaiming past glory. Certain pilots became household names and they were the best of the best, in each clan's eyes.
With eleven years of clans spilling each other's blood, it is the year 3041. And that is where the story truly begins...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello! Happy September Review Day! I'm just going to type any thoughts that come to mind when I read your work, or any little nitpicks that I find. Okay, allons-y!
Present Simple Tense
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
As the dawn of the 31st century loomed, the human race has been in a state of nearly constant war.
You need to watch your tenses. You need to either change 'loomed' or 'has'. I put a little explanation in the spoiler box below incase you need some help.
Spoiler
I do do, I do
Present Continuous Tense
I am doing, I am doing tomorrow
Present Perfect Tense
I have done
Present Perfect Continuous Tense
I have been doing
Past Simple Tense
I did do, I did
Past Continuous Tense
I was doing
Past Perfect Tense
I had done
Past Perfect Continuous Tense
I had been doing
Future Tense
I will do
Future Continuous Tense
I will be doing
Future Perfect Tense
I will have done
Future Perfect Continuous Tense
I will have been doing
(https://www.englishclub.com/grammar/verb-tenses.htm)
I really like you story idea. It's very interesting and I would love to read it! Have you written a chapter yet??
I'm working on it actually, I've been trying to get more help for my writing problems (dyslexia, etc.) so I'm waiting to post until I make sure it's not as bad haha
Don't worry, you'll get there!
Echo here for a review.
Also, I'm just going to get this out of the way, but I subscribe to the logic that giant robots make everything better, and it appears someone else does as well.
Sadly, I have to take points away now because this is based on an existing story, so it's sort of hard to review. But I'll try anyway.
All right, a prologue dedicated to worldbuilding. This is always fun. However, I feel like this is kind of the standard mecha affair. The world's been screwed over economically and war is constantly brewing on the horizon. I can't help but feel as if I've heard this plot before. Also, the year 3000 is a bit far off to set a story in. The world's changed so much in the last two decades it'd be hard to predict what it will be like in a millennium.
As for the writing, there are some grammar errors, primarily concerning commas. For instance:
It should just be "Navies were." The comma adds an unnecessary pause.
All in all, you set up an interesting albeit familiar plot. I kind of want to see where this goes. There's a lot of potential for big, military-political thrillers in mecha, and you've set up some great jumping points for this. Best of luck!
I know that this is just the back story for your book, but I hope you have really original things planned for the weaponry. It's 2840...the tanks should be INSANE. We need hovercrafts! Haha. I like the Navy bit (it should be Navy's not Navies.) because flying ships? Aweesome.
Are you going to put this in the story? Because it's a bit info dumpy. I would try to include the information through action/dialogue as the story progresses and those bits of information are relevant to progressing the storyline.
If you want to try and include a prologue, you could show a battle scene that would articulate the weapon advancements being made? There could even be some strategically thrown in dialogue to talk about the wars, etc.
Yup, yup, yup, all of that is planned for chapter 1. Again, this was just to provide context for the main story
That's what I figured! Excited to see more!
Well I will have more up shortly hopefully hahaha