MechWarrior Chapter 2

by Kyuubi

Published November 1, 2014

16+ Language Violence Mature Content

In Things and stuff

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

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Aster crested the hill, his hand sweating on the control stick of Fire Moth. The hulking form of the 70 tonne Heavy Class Summoner loomed over Aster's Light 'Mech. But to Aster, something seemed 'off' about this threat. To him, it seemed to be just...wrong. Rusted, broken armor plates covered the pectoral locations on the chassis. Loose, sparking cables and wires poked out through dents and warps in the armor and Aster knew, he just knew, this wasn't normal. The humanoid shaped Summoner began to shift, it's massive 'calf' servos in its legs struggled to get the beast moving again. Aster stopped staring at the Summoner and looked for the cockpit. There, at the top of the torso, sitting on the right shoulder, was the pilot seat. 

The Summoner models looked vaguely human like but they were always headless. And for good reason. Being a Heavy Class, they really were quite invulnerable to anything lower than another Heavy Class 'Mech or even just massive long range artillery. Although, the Sniper weapons that could be mounted to the various 'Mechs proved to be quite capable of bringing one down. So the designers decided to remove the 'head' all together and replace it with a growth like cockpit on the right shoulder. This proved invaluable as now the Sniper type weaponry almost held no sway against one, and Aster knew it.

Warning signals flashed across Aster's HUD once more. The Summoner was arming another salvo of warheads from it's rocket tube. 

"Christ!" Aster yanked the control stick to the right and Moth took off, knocking down trees as it sped along the crest of the hill. 

The Summoner was struggling to turn. As Aster began to literally run circles around it, he wanted to look for an identifying mark but so far, no luck. It seemed like a rogue machine but someone had to be piloting it. Soon, the Moth detected that the missile lock was gone, and just soon enough. Aster looked out the cockpit's side viewport and saw the missiles go wide, tracing white contrails into the sky while some impacted into the ground leaving charred and burning landscape behind.

"Goliath one four to Styx Command, come in," Aster croaked into his helmet's mouth piece, I need an ETA on those two Mad Dogs, I can't keep dodging this thing forever, over!"

"Roger that, Goliath, ETA is 3 minutes, hold out as long as you can, Styx out." The radio went dead. Aster exhaled and sweat began to bead and drip into his eyes, stinging them. 3 minutes is too damn long, Aster thought.

He pulled back on his control stick and flicked two arming switches for his Moth's own weaponry. 

Weapons, arming....Armed, ready to fire

"Alright, here we go you son of a bitch," Aster thumbed the aiming reticule stub on the control and was trying to line up a shot. He got his chance and pressed the trigger.

A white-hot streak and loud metallic bang was all that Aster saw and heard as he pulled the trigger. The gun on his Moth fired the shell faster than most conventional ballistics and the Summoner felt it. Aster looked in time to see the shell impact the Summoner on it's left-side back plate and shred it. The round penetrated it and exploded sending metal, sparks, oil and flame in every direction. 

"Goliath one four, this is Omega zero two and zero 5, coming in at your three o'clock. Avoid sending munitions downrange to the north-east or this will be one short backup maneuver, over." 

Aster couldn't help but smile because his saving grace was on the way and he would be able to go home. He could finally shower and eat real food. He could finally sleep. His joy was cut short, however, because as he was celebrating in his mind, the Summoner had managed to turn around and fire its Particle Projection Cannon towards Aster. Aster knew that if that round made contact, he would be obliterated in a heartbeat. 

"Oh shit!" Aster pushed on the stick and as his Moth ran, the PPC round passed no more than twenty feet off his port side. It was close enough that Aster felt the heat through his cockpit and alarms were going off in there as well. 

"Computer, run diagnostics on everything! I want to know what that round did to me," Aster began punching commands into his console and was trying to line up another shot at the same time. He looked out the portside view panel again and saw warped and bubbling armor from the heat of the PPC Cannon. His Moth's armor was literally melting from the very frame.

Armor....compromised

Weapons....compromised

Portside, leg, rotator servo, motor, and instep chains....compromised

Advise: Disengage, make immediate repairs

"Well I can't certainly do anything about that!" Aster noticed a lot of vibration in his control stick and that was never a god sign. And then it happened.

Aster's head smashed into the console in front of him. His Moth's left leg shattered in it's strain. That PPC round may have no made a direct hit but the heat and radiation fused parts together, melted things off the frame and ultimately, the leg just snapped off. His 'Mech tumbled forward, and when running at it's full speed weighing in at twenty tonnes, Aster was carried quite a ways in the cockpit of his Moth as it nosedived into the soil and trees and kept going.

His vision blurry and with blood starting to drip from his mouth, Aster stared in silent, dazed horror as the Summoner turned and aimed its PPC Cannon right at him. 

...................................

Aster awoke to a beeping sound. It was at regular intervals and then he smelled disinfectant. He slowly opened his eyes and found himself lying in a hospital bed, surrounded with "Get Well" cards and the like. On the walls, various pictures of Styx landmarks and 'Mechs adorned them. But to his surprise, Shara was there as well, sitting in the chair next to his bed. Seeing him awake she bolted upright and called the nurse.

"Private Wick, please remain in bed, you have suffered severe trauma and burns, do not move," the nurse was shoving Aster back down in bed.

"I can't, I have to get out of here and find out what happened," Aster said as he made another attempt at resisting the nurse. He failed. He collapsed on the bed and exhaled sharply, clearly annoyed. 

His whole body hurt from head to toe. Shara stood up and grabbed Aster's hand as the nurse departed.

"Do you have any idea how lucky you were, Aster? And how stupid?" She was clearly upset yet her face was relaxed and poised. Her green eyes seemed to sparkle in the hospital's fluorescent lights. 

"What happened? Why am I alive? I should be dead," Aster stared into her.

"You're damn right, you should be," She let go of Aster's hand and walked to the window, crossing her arms behind her back, "You should be dead."

"What happened?"

"Omega happened, that's what. They tore that Summoner apart, utterly destroyed it. One of them took that PPC round for you and you should be damn thankful they got there in time," she pushed her straight black hair back behind her ear.

Aster admired her and was admiring that even in her uniform, her delicate feminine features still looked very strong.

"Although," she continued, "Omega recovered the Summoners Black Box and you're going to want to see what's on it." 

"When can I?" Aster looked at his body. Bandages covered him, on his arms, his legs, his head. Even the I.V. was wrapped in bandages to keep it in place. He felt like he wouldn't be leaving the hospital anytime soon.

"As soon as you get checked out,you're healed up, mentally okay, then..." she trailed off as she turned to him.

"Then...?" Aster looked at her quizzically. 

"Then," she continued, "we begin."

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
artemis15sc
Review
artemis15sc wrote a review Review · Nov 30, 2014

Very nice story you have going on here. This chapter was rife with action, problems, and conflict, which is perfect for a second chapter. My one problem was the ammount of exposition at the beginning. You want your audience to understand what's happening, but you don't want to give them large chunks of background information. I'm also not sure that second paragraph is even necessary. Sure it's interesting, but we get a good description of the summoner in that first paragraph without all that background information in the second paragraph. You only want to give your audience background information if it's necessary for the plot, and I don't think that is, I could be wrong though.

As much as possible, you want to live in the present, especially in a chapter like this. The problem with that paragraph is that it lives in the past, and it destracts away from the intense, present conflict of this chapter.

I have just a few grammar things.
1.

"Goliath one four to Styx Command, come in," Aster croaked into his helmet's mouth piece. "I need an ETA on those two Mad Dogs, I can't keep dodging this thing forever, over!"
You were missing a quotation mark and that comma needed to be a period.
2. While dialogue tags and dialogue are always separated by a comma, action and dialogue should always be separated by a period. Here's an example:
"Alright, here we go you son of a bitch." Aster thumbed the aiming reticule stub on the control and was trying to line up a shot.
There are many instances of this in your chapter, so be on the lookout!

I have just two more quick comment for you. The first is the word that. That is an interesting word because it's often used needlessly. For example this sentence, "Aster knew that if that round made contact, he would be obliterated in a heartbeat. " could become "Aster knew if that round made contact, he would be obliterated in a heartbeat. " See how it still makes sense? I recommend reading every sentence without the word that and if it still makes sense, delete it.

The last thing I want to talk about are thought verbs. Examples of thought verbs are, well, thought, knew, imagined, realized, discovered, etc... The problem with these is they pull the reader out of the story because they bring you, the author, into the story and remind your readers that's fiction. They are also an example of telling when you should be showing. Sometimes you have to use them for clarity's or brevity's sake, but try to avoid them. Sometimes you have to completely rewrite the sentence, while other times you can just delete them, for example, this sentence, "Aster knew that if that round made contact, he would be obliterated in a heartbeat. " could become this sentence, "If that round made contact, he would be obliterated in a heartbeat.

There you go. I loves how realistic your world felt. I felt like I was right there getting blown up!

Thanks for sharing!

-Art

User avatar
valdez
Comment
valdez commented Comment · Nov 29, 2014

This was great this was the only mech story that I have seen for a long time and it had a very good pace of action so that I was hooked after the first paragraph now dont get me wrong the story was great but my only suggestion would be to give a little more detail to your surrounding area as I didnt know if they were battaling on a slope or flat ground but besides that it was great

User avatar
Collideascope
Review
Collideascope wrote a review Review · Nov 6, 2014

Hey,

Thus a interesting story is born! This is a great story. I'm surprised to see in sitting in the green room for so long. First off really nice use of punctuation through out the entire chapter chances I would have gotten bored and forgotten to use it at all. Joking! Not even I'm that bad. This has a interesting plot as well it kept me hooked even in the very beginning. I'm most likely going to mope around my house now until more of this comes out. Keep writing! This is great!
Sincerely,
Collideascope



i like that the title of dr jekyll and mr hyde makes a clear stance that the embodiment of one’s own evil doesn’t get a claim to the doctorate
— waywardxwallflower