Though I never heard you calling
You knew I was there to help.
And though we saw no signs…
…no clear signs…
We cannot blame you,
Nor anyone else still here,
For what you have done.
It’s been over a year for me
To fully realize the situation.
And now that I’m here
I both realize
And admit that
I do not understand why
So I ask you to help.
What on earth were you thinking?
Surely, it hadn’t been planned.
But why, may I ask, did you
Feel as if
You needed to?
For you were the last one
Anyone would expect.
My only wish is that you would
Have told someone your plan.
But further investigation
Told us that
You had none.
It was a decision made in only
A split second of suspense.
I also ask you; what did you
Wish to accomplish with that?
Was it one or all of us?
But who?
Or what?
Curiousity will destroy me
If I never know why.
When I think of what’s happened
I can only remember the memories
That I never knew I’d ever want
To hold on to
Forever and longer
Because of the loss I’ve gained
For a reason unknown to the living.
Even if there was no reason at all,
I truly and deeply hope that you
Hear this cry for help.
In the night
Sitting here
I cry for aid to understand though
You will not answer me.
Anger filled us all when you
Silently told us you were gone.
We wished to yell at you
With protest,
Frustration,
But mostly disappointment
In your recent actions.
But as I sit here, alone and afraid,
I know deep down that you
Wouldn’t want us to feel
Saddened or
Even furious
Though I fear your guilt may tell
You that’s exactly what you deserve.
Don’t listen to your guilt, I say,
Tears rolling down my face.
I know you’re gone forever
But please,
Just listen
To this cry of distress that
All of us feel in your loss.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
This is like a phone conversation and that isn't a good thing, it just goes on and on and never really gets to the interesting bit, instead just seems to go backwards and forwards. Hello I'm LastPaladin and this piece struck me as I hate to say this, but this bland.
I shall explain this further, this is bland, uninteresting it's hard to follow as it's all telling us and not much use of imagery, well make that no use of it. It seems like a two sided convo that never really gets anywhere and just goes on and on, boring the readers stupid. if you can plan for this, well you achieved it. This is sorely lacking anything that you could consider remotely gripping. Even if the story is sad and tragic, I've no idea because after a few stanzas I had enough, it was this and this and just blah. It never really went anywhere, it was like one of the people on the telephone was intent on confusing us beyond belief by how they were putting things.
Overall: This is far too long, takes too long to make a point and very dull and boring. This should have been a short poem, would have worked better as such.
Hope this helps.
Thanks all for comments. I'm glad you liked it.
Wonderful without a doubt. You are an amazing writer. You get the point across perfectly.
~Dannielle~
I can't look at this logically, because I actually have tears in the corners of my eyes. It's amazing. Genius. Brilliant.
It was written so well...I love it.
- GhostlyImpressions. <3
This almost made me cry. I don't know whether to say its wonderful, because its about something so tragic.
but its definitely very well written piece.