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139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hi KittyCatMeow!
I sense you have a thing for cats. Maybe just a little bit? Haha anyway, I read the description of this piece and decided I had to read it. I also really like the title. I just love short and sweet titles.
I'm sorry to say that I'm not much of a cat person. They're kinda scary and intimidating. Maybe I just had a bad experience with a cat once... Regardless of that, you made me want to be reborn as a cat too. This poem opened my eyes to how cats truly are free - from almost everything. I envy them now. >.>
I noticed you used similar sentences and just switched up some words. Like in this stanza:
I think there were two other like this. In a way, I liked how you did this. But then it sort sounded a bit repetitive in some parts. Not all. I think it worked well in this stanza.
I do now, however, think it worked as well in this stanza:
It feels like there's too much 'a cat' said here. Maybe switching around the words in one or two of the lines would help.
Nice poem overall. Thanks for the read and happy review day!
Yours till the Chocolate Chips,
Snow
I think that you should have written your linebreak on the comma.
I kicked a tin can towards a cat,
its fur, ruffled and torn.
I like this poem. Mainly because I like cats, but I have always thought about the fact that animals have all these natraul abilities and humans are simply left to our minds. it really makes us think.
I always think about this when watching my own cat, so I understand where you are coming from. I think this is well written as well.
Hi there KittyCat! You've given me so many reviews, so it's high time to return the favor! From one Inc(red)ible to another, here goes!
Your first stanza: I love the images! The only critique I have is the punctuation: I don't see why the poem has commas but not periods. Think about how you'd punctuate prose to figure out how to punctuate this.
The "I watched..." seems rather passive. I think this would be stronger if you simply said "He climbed a wall".
Also, why the sudden rhyme? It feels forced and doesn't add much. It might be better for the speaker to muse on how clumsy or injured they'd be climbing a wall.
This stanza is pretty weak. The middle lines look like you were trying to decide between two phrasings and forgot to pick one. I think this could be improved by going back to images. Show the cat going up to the speaker (or someone else), being all affectionate, and then running away once he's got his food.
Overall, I think the first stanza had some good images. It'd be great if you could bring more of that into the rest of the piece. Keep writing, keep reviewing and stay Inc(red)ible!
Thanks for the review.
:3 Great advice. I really wasn't paying attention back then (excuse <.<) because it was actually my first piece.
Kayfortnight here to review your work!
I'm a cat person, so I love this piece. It captures the nature of a cat in it's words. However, I do think it needs some editing. It doesn't have much rhythm. You don't really need rhymes for rhythm, but you need to read it aloud pausing at the ends of the lines and experiment. Does it sound better if you pause one word early or late? Then do that. You can only find a rhythm by trying different things.
I like the story you're telling here, especially because I am a huge fan of cats myself. This poem could use a little work, though. There's no real rhythm or scheme to be found here and to me, it doesn't flow the way a poem should. It feels like you're telling a story with short verses instead of creating a work of art, like poetry should be. Perhaps adding a few rhymes, or even more repetition could help with that.
However I do like your ability to tell stories through poetry, so please keep writing! <3
Thanks
Good advice. I'll do that right now.