The Passages of Time
Life is made out of mountains;
tall, strong, firm,
wet, round, alive,
and we, as a people, must overcome them.
There is no limit on how long we might take to climb up and tumble down the climatic events
of our birthrights,
but there are caves and tunnels burrowing through them that might either
hasten the journey
or draw it out.
These pretty escapes, or traps, depending on which and where, imprint pebbles into our memories.
They are rumored by mothers and psychologists to heal our knees if we are to somehow scrape them on the rocks of our adventures.
I’ve even heard they can soothe over-used hearts.
All we have to do is walk through them.
The danger is, however, quite evident.
We may get lost in these tunnels. We may never find our way out of these enigmatic caves.
But that’s what makes these organic, biotic mountains so beautiful.
One can either surely die in the struggle of overcoming them,
or hope not to perish in some passage of time.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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127,848 Literary Works • 671,486 Reviews
Boom! Gummy's the name, reviewing's my game! So, I'm here to do a review for my teammate KittyBee and her poem "The Passages of Time!"~
So, in a sense, it's kind of a concrete poem in my eyes 
Awright, so, first things first, let me start by mentioning a good thing! Your poem is grammatially pristine! There are no mispellings to be seen anywhere!
Next, I'll head onto something bittersweet. Your poem has a really jagged form... :S What? Why is this bittersweet, you ask? It's simple! This poem's jagged form reminded me of (what else?) valleys and mountains!
Another thing I found rather odd is that you suddenly mentioned mothers and psychologists somewhere along the rocky road. I just found it a bit odd, particularly the psychologists... If that was a reference, I didn't get it, so I guess it'd be my fault, then... ^^;
That's it! I really enjoyed this poem, particularly the first 3 lines. These were a great hook, and they did their job excellently. I expect to read more from you, and remember: Practice is the key!
Thanks for reviewing! I used the shape to do just what you said! I'm so glad somebody discovered it!!
Hello KittyBee!
To start off with, I real liked this poem, and 'I’ve even heard they can soothe over-used hearts.' just.. draws me in, I should say. I don't have anything to say to you about fixing anything, because I'm afraid I'd just ruin this beautiful piece of writing if I even attempted to correct it. Wonderful grammar and world choices. This poem is really deep, and I could relate to most of it easily.
Great job at writing this fantastic and elegant poem!
Keep on writing, mephis
Thanks for reviewing!
The piece of poetry looks realistic.
It may make you realize that life is not a bed of roses but bed of **** or whatever
The flow is good even though i have only skimmed through it once.
good poetry
ATB.
This is a very beautiful poem and it has a lot of potential. I'm not sure exactly how any sort of editing should be done, but I can tell you that the entire time, I wasn't visualizing a mountain at all, but visualizing the situations that you presented. Perhaps you could present more imagery of a mountain as you go to help tie everything together a little better. All in all, a very beautiful poem. I hope that you stick with it.
This poem is so beautiful.
The grammar and structure of your poem is presented in a very nice manner and there is not much i can criticize you on except, maybe it could be a bit longer but this is only because i enjoyed reading it. You should be very proud of this piece of poetry.
Well done,
AP
Thank you for reviewing~!