Published April 14, 2010
A.N: This is one of the poems I read at a talent show. This poem is open for all sorts of interpriotation. I hope you enjoy it!
Colors
Blue is the color of the rushing stream
but also of the vast oceans
Green is the color of a simgle blade of grass
yet of life all around us
Yellow is the color of the tiny honey flower
but also is the mighty sun
Orange is the color of the small orange fruit
yet also of the great deserts
Red is the color of my lips
and of the raging fire
Purple is the color of the lavender rose
and to the velvet twilight
Black is the color of my one shadow
but also of the endless night sky
White is the color of freash snow
and of a spirit pure
Colors...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,471 Literary Works • 674,496 Reviews
Hey Kineta!
Neat poem! I'm kind of a sucker for the colors too... not very good for the traditional publishing industry, but this isn't geared to be published, I think.
Now, for the colors, you basically listed what each color is, which is fine! Definitely a good start. Now, let's see more. Instead of just telling us about the colors, show us how important they are and don't limit yourself with just two lines each. Part of the fun in writing poetry is that you can go absolutely bonkers with it and, when you do, it'll actually turn out better than you ever hoped! So go crazy with it and really experiment! It'll be soooo much better, trust me!
wow.. i like the concept of the poem. How you state the colors to small meaning to big. Keep it up and as you can see,you could go to deeper meanings or symbolisms to the colors.
For example in the orange part, you could actually find more interesting value for orange and not only the fruit orange.
It's nice and cute on how you play and construct a poem through colors.
Hey there!
I'll say I have to agree with Jagged here; you take an interesting idea with a lot of potential and then sell it short. I had just a few tiny nitpicks!
Should be 'single' with an 'n' instead of an 'm'. Proofreading and spell check should catch things like this.
Watch the redundancy/repetition. Since orange is a color as well as a fruit, people sometimes get confused on how to describe it. You don't need orange because you already tell us in the first part of the line that the fruit is going to be orange. You could just take out the second 'orange', but that wouldn't describe too much. Maybe instead of 'small' you could say 'round'?
Should be 'desserts' with two 's'. The way you have it now, you'd be referring to the desert climate. Two very different things, eh?
There isn't an 'a' in 'fresh'.
But yeah, take Jagged's advice into account. What you've described is basically what humans think of when hear the color. You could argue that that's a good thing, but it falls as just being a little too generic. Use your creativity to think of various words, while still common, that we don't often think about when he hear a color.
PM me if you have questions!
-Elinor xo
It's an interesting idea to play with (I'm having some flashbacks to Rimbaud's Voyelles, which followed similar themes), but I feel like you haven't really taken advantage of it as much as you could have. All the descriptions you use are extremely common, overused... predictable, shall we say.
There are so many things you could describe with rapport to their colors. Go for the less expected. It will make it that much more interesting to read, and you'd be surprised what interesting images can come up.