Hey there,
Nit-picks first:
of my life day after day.
The flow here is a little bit off because the line before it was so short. The metre is so that the emphasis here is on "life" rather than "day". "day after day" is a commonly heard phrase with the emphasis on the first "day". It sounds quite strange in that way therefore. I think just starting a new line on the first "day" would work.
Taped like bits from a broken clay pot
The "clay" feels a bit forced here because it would work without it (as in the sentence would make sense without it) but the metre doesn't. It therefore looks like you're only doing that to make the metre work. I think you can get round this problem by rearranging it as:
"Taped like the clay bits of a broken pot".
Overall:
I like what you've done here. You've taken the idea of pieces and put it in the structure, and you've done it well. The tiny lines work for that. I think one thing you could do to make this even more effective is create a crescendo by making the lines more fragmented each time, like a clock ticking down, to go with your final line. You could have the first time:
"Piece by piece."
The second, "Piece
by piece"
The third, "Piece
by
piece"
But you can decide for yourself if you think that that's too heavy handed.
Hope that helps,
Biscuits
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