I can only reminisce.

Hello.

Your poem is amazing!

"I had no house yet I had a home." This is sadly very relatable.

"I was lucky, for some had none." I understand all too well.

"And my love was now dead," This was too sad. I can't accept it.


"But I won't remember this." A truly powerful finish.

Overall this poem is a heartbreaker. It makes me wonder if my own grandmother thinks these things. There's much about her life she's never explained, and your poem makes me want to talk to her about it. (Although she might be too old to remember much.)

I think the thing I like most about your poem was how it felt as if the old man was speaking directly to me. I can almost hear the words being spoken in an older voice, and that imagery is awesome.

Thank you for sharing this and please continue.

- Your poem really made me think. 1) about our elders, 2) about appreciation of the simple things in life, and 3) about hope and faith. So many people forget about the elders…the people who sacrificed so much for us to have what we have today. I look at them and wonder what they’ve seen, how they felt when they were young, and how they feel now. Many people say that they’d go back to a specific age if they were given a time machine, but me…I’d rather not. And I bet the soldier in this poem wouldn’t either. But if he did, I bet he’d go back to the moments that he had to make an impact on his child. I bet he would’ve taken more time off from serving in the military if he could. I bet he would turn down some jobs to be with his love and child. Wow…the things we can see AFTER it’s all said-&-done.
- The Simple things in life. This is having a home without having a house. This has reminded me to take a good look around me and say, “Thank You, Lord, for this home I have.” And another thing I wanted to say. I hope that no one ever loses their hope and faith. These two things are what keep us alive, they are what give us spirit. And in all that this man has been through, if he can still hold on to those two things – hope and faith – then he’ll embrace the possibility of loving again, of his son finding him someday, and even of remembering again.
- Beautiful poem! [Smiling]

Hello!

First of all, the title is beautiful. I was looking through the poetry list, and saw this title and felt attracted to the poem straight away. I love the whole concept of "reminiscence" and when I noticed that you had included it in your title, I wanted to know what the poem was about.

I love how you go through all the years of the character's life. There is so much meaning in this poem, and I got a grand picture in my mind of this man, and of the suffering he went through. I felt all of his emotions and thought all of his thoughts . . . a poet who can do that is definitely worth reading. There are so many great poems on this website, but none have quite expressed the feeling so beautifully as this.

Some lines really stood out to me, and I thought they were written very well. I really liked:

"I had no house yet I had a home"

"And still had no word from my sixteen year old son"

"When I die I'll remember the good times,
But I won't remember this."

The line about the house and home was wonderfully worded and tells me a lot about the home experience of the character. I also think your final lines gave a sense of brilliant finality, and I just love them.

A couple of critiques:

Just make sure your grammar is completely correct, like here:

"I have not much days left"

Make sure to check through your work when you're finished because even a little error like this can let your poem down.

I forgot to mention earlier that I really liked the rhythm and rhyme scheme of this piece, and I think it works well. However, you may want to try making your rhyme scheme more consistent (though this is only a suggestion) and a couple of lines just sounded a little short, like this:

"Does not mean my life had no plan."

I think it would maybe sound better if you tried out just one extra syllable.

Despite these critiques, your work is great, and I really enjoyed it. Also remember, at the end of the day, this is your poem, and it's what you want to do with it that counts. I love your unique style and originality, and I think you are a talented poet.

Keep up the good work!