Young Writers Society

Aww this poem can relate to so many people. I know a lot of people with eating disorders who feel like this.
It is so good as I am writing this I feel I am you but not you, if you get what I mean.
I know stuff like this is a hard subject to talk about, however you had the courage to speak out about yourself.
It is quite short but compelling at the same time.
Keep it up.
To be honest when I was writing my first blog I felt scared to what people would say and react.
If you can plz read my first blog - Losing my brother

Hello!

Wow, this was a lot shorter than I expected, but there is so much information and power. Understanding an eating disorder is so difficult because there are so many "subcastes" of the term, but you incorporate all of them into these six sentences.

First: connection with the reader is very strong, especially for those who have eating disorders. I'll openly say that I have an eating disorder and so, this grabbed my attention immediately. By using "my" and "I," you allow the reader to put themselves in the narrator's perspective which allows them to have a "feel" of the topic.

Grammar: I find no capitalization distracting and it takes away from the central power of the poem because I am busy looking at no capitalization. "i am not stick," I think you forgot "a" before stick or do you mean "i am not sick"?

Imagery: your imagery is very powerful until you get to "i must admit that this is slavery..." Here, the reader can picture a slave but there are so many slaves nicely treated versus poorly treated, that we don't have the final picture to paint. The previous sentences tell us that this slave is poorly treated, but enhance that image in the final two sentences.

Final thought: this was beautifully written. There is no need for a long poem to express what you just did. You made perfect connections with the audience, portrayed the emotions, theme/message wonderfully! Keep writing!
-Louisiana

Hello KayKay, Anne here for a review.
I really enjoyed your poem, it was short, sweet, and to the point. That being said, I would have loved to see if be a bit longer. This seems to be an issue that relates to a lot of girls our age. If you were to make it longer, I feel as if this is something that a lot of people would want to read. How does the speaker get out of the slavery that her body has put her in? How did the speaker get into this situation?
I enjoy the formatting you used. It is so cool to see how you did not really capitalize the letter I. This makes me think that the speaker does not view themselves as a proper noun which adds even more to the depth and meaning of your poem.
When you said, " i am not sick, i am strong" your words were powerful. This use of antonyms helped the reader further understand the situation and the emotion that is associated with it.
As for advice, I do not really have a lot for you. I do suggest making your lines a bit shorter. As a reader, it was a bit distracting to see a poem on here that goes across the whole page....does that make any sense? Probably not. I would also have the speaker use more imagery. You did use a lot here, so it would be pretty cool to see what else is in that creative mind of yours. You know?
I am sorry that this review is not very long. Your poem was mesmerizing and it feels wrong to write so much for something so simply.....beautiful. Keep writing! I look forward to reading your future works

- Anne

Hi KayKayKoala Rodger here for a quick review!!!!
Firstly as always I would like to congratulate you for choosing to write

I know that when we sometimes look at ourselves in the mirror we sometimes want to look like somebody else, and i just wanna say it is a feeling we all get sometimes you know?.

So lets get into it; firstly the elements that make this poem great.
Emotion- This poem tells us that the character is going through a set of emotions mainly, anger, shame and embarrassment of the way she looks which makes her feel trapped inside.

When you say
''My fingertips touch as i wrap my hand around my wrist. my thighs, they do not touch.''
I can tell that the character feels of her self as being too skinny, to the point that she believes that her fingertips touch when she puts her hands around her wrist.

Relatable- Everyone can relate to this poem in some way, because no one is perfect and as long as that 1% is missing you will always feel second best according to the way you look to someone else.

Use of antonyms- The way you use antonyms in this poem is really good it gets to the reader, as he/she tries to put themselves in the writer's mind or feelings
Especially when you say ''i am not sick, i am strong. Yet this is not strength, this is death this is slavery in its purest form. i am a slave of my own body '' it really conveys a strong feeling of disgust and shame of the character for her own body.

The negative side of it is;
Spelling mistake- I believe that you wanted to say I am not Sick rather then I am not Stick, which likely is the only one i spotted. We all make use little mistakes because most of the time we write at the moment , when something has happened or is happening and we just write fast as the emotions are flowing through our bodies. But l would suggest proofreading once you are done or simply give to a fiend or anyone to read it to you, it is much better that way.

Too Short!- (this is just my personal opinion) i believe that this poem could have gone a little bit further and really bring those emotions to life!!, because I think this poem has the potential to become Amazing.

And with that said remember to always keep On Writing (K.O.W)...xo