She carves into her skin
Words she feels inside
Pain, hate, and anger
She carves them as she cries
They leave nasty scars
They go in really deep
Leaving longtime memories
Ones she doesn't want to keep
But stay is what they do
They won't go away
They leave her feeling blue
What the point of holding on till' May?
So she decides to end it all
It's her only way out
She grabs the blade to make one last cut
She knows it will work, without a doubt
She feels lots of pain
As she lays in the tub
But she knows it's for the best
So she lets the pain come
The warm waters still
And so is her heart
Nothing is moving
Her time has run out
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
heartfelt and I can tell this is a very real poem coming straight from your soul.
keep writing! hope I helped.
There are a few lines I'd change due to nitpicks:
"The warm waters still
and so is her heart"
to make this grammatically make sense, change it to "the warm waters *are* still"
"she feels lots of pain"
When describing, ESPECIALLY in poetry, please try to stay away from 'lots'!! It's a very shallow and boring word.
I might also prefer some punctuation on certain lines but that's really up to you as the author.
"They go in really deep"
ah, here's another example of a line that has pretty shallow description. instead, try adding something like "they pierce through her skin deeply" or something more dramatic along those lines. Really get your readers feeling! They won't be into it if they're bored.
Anyway, I think you get the point. Overall more description and showing...less telling. Thesauruses are a great resource to find more edgy and impacting words!
Nice start to your poetry career
~iron.n
Thank you!! You helped a lot.
With the warm waters help, It's supposed to have an apostrophe then S, so that it would be 'the warm water IS still'. The other things, I will think about how to change. Thank you for letting me know!!!
ohh i see. no problem!
This is a really good sad poem. probably the best i've come across the day!
Looking forward to read more of your works !
I really appreciate the flow in the poem except that I did not understand what's in may ??
The poem doesn't have any specefic format and puctuation (I know its up to the poet) but still most people have issues with this.
I really appreciate this piece of writing ! I hope you will keep up yor good work. I shared it on facebook and guess what?? there were 78 likes !
Please don't mind for what I've written
If possible please review my work "TO DAD" that'll make me super happy ! thank you !
Okay, I will check out your work!
And 78 omg that's awesome!!
And yes, I understand a lot have problems with my no punctuation choice
It does have a format but it doesn't show up on here
And thanks again!!!
This is such a beautifully sad poem.
I would tell you the parts I really enjoyed, but I'd basically be quoting the whole poem back to you.
My one question is what is in May? I feel like I missed out on a prologue...it's kind of puzzling.
Another thing, I noticed there is hardly any punctuation, and I kind-of like it, (there's a reason Cormac McCarthy is so popular) although, I warn you, a lot of people will not.
Again, this is such a artistic poem that I feel guilty for criticising it.
Ohh, thanks so much!!! Don't feel guilty at all!
It's holding on till May because it's a song by pierce the veil, and funny enough, I've never actually heard the song, but that's where I got the prase.
Thanks so much!!!
I get it, it does sound poetic
your welcome