Green grows the grass
As the flowers bloom red
Making a pretty image
That you see in your head
The birds go tweet
The mice go squeak
Contributing to the noises
That make nature speak
Sun shining high
Leaves blowing in the wind
Looking so beautiful
You never want it to end
But as it grows dark
Rabbits close their holes tight
The dogs lose their bark
And different sounds fill the night
Crunch of twigs under a deer
What other noises can you hear?
Pitter-Patter of the rain
As it begins to fall
Making animals seek shelter
As the sky turns to dawn
And the cycle continues
Day after day, because...
Green grows the grass
As the flowers bloom red
Making a pretty image
That you see in your head
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139,882 Literary Works • 672,788 Reviews
Hi HappySmilers here to review!
This is a very well written poem, Very clear and straight forward! I like how you capturing the cycle of every day life. Starting off from the very beginning of the day and then moving towards the end of the day! I like how you point out that each little thing the day brings, leaves images in our head, and thoughs little things can bring joy! Knowing that the little things are just as important as the big things. I didn't see anything that needed to be corrected, good job!!!!
Thank you so much!
I appreciate all your kind words! xD
Magnificent. This poem shows the day and the night side of nature in a nice flow of words.
Thank You!
That was really good. It wasn't just skipping through a meadow which I know people think about with nature. It was about night too and the natural cycle. Also I liked how you ended the poem with the same thing it started with.
I am sure it has been brought up but I'm relatively certain that the rain falls not faills. Anyway, overall good job. I really liked it.
Haha, thanks!
Hi, KayKayKoala. This is pinkie here for special review! You told me to review your stories so I guess I will give it a shot. I will try not to be rude on the review.
To say I am agree with Thewriter13. This poem is magnificent poem. I love the description that you give us to this poem. I imaged it while I read it. This is a good poem to read and love how you gave me this poem to review. However, you do have some errors on here like Thewriter13 said. I see that she did some corrections on her/his review so I won't have to point them out for you. But I will point out one because he/she didn't get one of them.
"As it begins to faill"
You did misspelled fall. I guess you didn't tried to. Well, we do have mistakes like that. Don't worry about, friend. Everything is fine.
I hope to read from you. I really enjoyed this story. I love it very much. I hope this review helps and gave you a smile. Because, you know, people need to smile!:D Anyway, have a nice day.
Awesome Job and Keep on writing!
Cheers
Your review, Pinkiegirl13
P.S: Welcome to YWS
Thanks!
I appreciate it!
Thewriter13 here to give a review on a quite magnificent poem.
Repetition of the lines is a good asset t a poem to leave a message in the reader's head. So A+ on that!
I'm not really sure "Green grows the grass" makes sense..."The grass grows green" makes sense grammatically but if you intended it that way, that's great. Poetry can be written anyway shape or form intentionally, but I just thought i'd point that out. It seemed odd to read in my head, but that's just me.
Also, "Pitter-Patter" Patter doesn't need to be capitalized.
Good word choice, but I think you could be a bit more descriptive. What shade of red? What shade of green? What would the dawn look like? Metaphors are good in poems. Perhaps you might want to add more to yours to add more imagery. But if simplicity in the poem was your intention, then don't change a thing
You also want to keep a consistency of rhythm and syllables so it flows more smoothly . Just look it over one more time.
I love the poem! Keep writing and let me know if you revised it so I can read it again. I personally enjoy reading nature poems.
Thank you!
I really appreciate your feedback!
c: