Young Writers Society

this article or essay, whatever you say, is awesome. the concept of a bubble is so good. there are a few mistakes I would like to draw your attention to-

I want to leave the bubble but no matter how hard I try I cant break the bubble.

it will be can't not cant

What am I suppose to do.

there will be a question mark after do

I feel as though I'm ready to burst the bubble I just don't know how too.

it will be to, not too.

I have to point out my achievements to feel achnoledged, even if it is annoying to everyone else.

i think it should be acknowledged not achnoledged

Iv'e never felt like this

it should be I've

That my parents wont find my posts.

won't not wont

sometimes it gets so hard that I want to just crawl in a corner and never leave.

bubbles are in the form of a sphere. they are not likely to have corners.

whatever, overall, it's really good.

Hi Kalsie! ^^

First of all, this is a really difficult feeling that can be challenging to navigate, and I’m glad to hear that you’re trying to express yourself in a constructive way to try to work out your feelings. Hopefully you’re able to find a better support system in your life so that you can feel secure and confide in others about your thoughts and emotions. Hopefully, this too will also pass <3

From this point on, I’ll be leaving critique on the writing and presentation of this as a literary work, which isn’t meant to discredit how you’re feeling. In the future, if you’d like to express yourself, thoughts, and emotions with literary critique, I’d recommend checking out your wall or the blogs section. Those are much better suited for venting!

So I like the analogy that you set up at the start about feeling in a bubble. It has its strengths because we often imagine bubbles as small, claustrophobic, constricting and being trapped inside one can invoke the lonely feeling familiar to many of us. There is a bit of a disconnect, in my opinion, because bubbles are often seen as fragile, delicate things. Most people can easily pop a bubble, and I wish that you would play into that more. Why is the narrator unable to pop the bubble? Is it because they are inside, so it just pushes them around and they roll along? Is it because they don’t actually want to/might be afraid to? This could be something to consider e exploring.

As well, I feel like you have so much more room to expand on this bubble metaphor! Bubbles are also often thought about drifting, moving further away from the earth as they fly again. You could also think about how bubbles are shiny, perhaps blinding, and difficult to see through, even if they are completely transparent. I’d also like to maybe see a bit of thought about how the narrator got into the bubble, and more thoughts in their internal struggle of fighting on or admitted defeat.

I mention all this because creating these parallels in this extended metaphor can make the emotions feel much more tangible and real. It’s also much more interesting to read than simply telling us what is happening. It might also challenge you to think deeper about how you’re feeling and make a consistent feeling throughout your piece. As it stands now, there is a really stark contract between the first bit and the second bit as you move away from the metaphor. The transition happens at this point:

sometimes it gets so hard that I want to just crawl in a corner and never leave.

This part was jarring to me because you’ve shed the idea of being in a bubble (since bubbles don’t have corners)! It’s not bad to have a transition as your give your experiences, but maybe paragraph breaks or some thread of connection between the ideas would ease that jarred feeling.

Hopefully this was helpful! Let me know if you have any questions about the review, the site, or otherwise! Happy writing ^^
~ Wolfe