Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.
Kayra stood frozen, her vision swimming. Her chest felt like it was caving in as it twisted in guilt, hatred, and despair. It was a familiar sensation; one she'd grown to crave.
She took a deep breath, gathering her last shreds of courage, and stepped onto the ledge of the bridge. The cold concrete bit into her bare feet, but she barely noticed.
Her eyes were fixed on the distant pavement below, a final resting place for all her troubles. Just as she was about to jump, she felt a tug on her shirt, and a voice whispered in her ear, "Not so fast."
~
She whirled around, heart racing, expecting to see the face of her lifelong tormentor. Instead, she found herself staring into the most beautiful pair of eyes she had ever seen. They were like the clearest, bluest ocean she had ever imagined, and they were looking at her with an intensity that made her shiver. Around him wrapped a pair of huge gray wings.
She gasped. He was the most beautiful person she had ever seen… or was she already dead, and this angel had been sent to retrieve her body?
The angel smiled at her, and she felt a warmth spread through her body that she hadn't experienced in years. "There's something I want to show you," he said, taking her hand pulling her gently away from the ledge. She followed him in a daze.
~
She found herself being led through a series of winding alleyways, their footsteps echoing off the towering buildings that lined the narrow streets.
The air was thick with the scent of coffee and baked goods, and the sound of laughter and soft conversation filled the air.
They turned a corner, and there it was: a coffee shop unlike any she had ever seen before. It was bustling with activity, and the customers were all... well, they looked just like the angel who was holding her hand.
She turned back to him, unable to hide her confusion.
"Are you... an angel? Am I dead?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
He smiled down at her, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "In a manner of speaking," he replied, gesturing for her to enter the shop. "Come in, and I'll explain."
~
The moment she stepped inside, she was enveloped in a warm, welcoming glow. The air smelled of freshly ground coffee beans and baked goods, and soft music filled the air.
People turned their heads to look at them as they entered, their eyes full of understanding and compassion. The girl felt her heart swell with hope.
"This place... it's like a sanctuary," she breathed.
The angel smiled and led her to a small table in the corner, where they could sit and talk without being interrupted.
"Yes," he said, his voice gentle and reassuring. "This is our world, our home. It's a place where those who have suffered, who have felt alone and abandoned, can find acceptance and love."
He reached across the table and took her hand in his. "You belong here, you know."
She looked into his eyes and felt a warmth spread through her, a sense of belonging that she hadn't experienced in what seemed like an eternity.
~
"But... how?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "How can this be real?"
The angel smiled gently and caressed her cheek with his soft, warm hand. "It is real," he assured her. "Very real. We are not what most people think we are. We are not here to save souls, or to judge. We are simply here to show those who have suffered that they are not alone, that there is love and acceptance waiting for them."
He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling beneath his crisp white shirt. "And now, it's your turn to decide. Do you want to stay with us? To be part of this world, this family?"
His words sent a shiver down her spine. The idea of belonging, of having a place where she truly fit in, was almost too much to bear.
She looked into his eyes, searching for any hint of deceit, any sign that this was all some cruel hoax. But all she saw was love, and understanding, and a deep, abiding acceptance.
"I... I think I do," she whispered, her voice barely audible above the soft murmur of conversation around them. "I want to be with you."
A smile spread across the angel's face, his eyes twinkling with joy.
"Welcome home," he said, squeezing her hand gently. "From now on, you will never walk alone. You will never feel abandoned or unloved. You are a part of us now, and we will always be here for you."
~
~
The girl felt a tear trickle down her cheek as she realized the weight that had been lifted from her shoulders. For so long, she had been trapped in a nightmare, believing that the world was cruel and unforgiving. But now, she knew that there was hope, that there was love and acceptance waiting for her.
The nurse who had been attending to her smiled gently and handed her a mirror. The girl's reflection stared back at her, but it wasn't the same person she had been before.
The lines of pain and suffering had been erased, replaced by a glow of contentment and peace. She looked different, somehow brighter, as if the weight of the world no longer hung around her neck.
"You've been asleep for a long time," the nurse said softly. "You've been through a lot. But you're finally awake now."
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138,049 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Wow, that story really touched my heart! I loved how it started with such intense emotion as Kayra stood on the bridge, feeling overwhelmed by guilt and despair. The way she was about to make a drastic decision, only to be stopped by the appearance of the angel with beautiful wings, was so unexpected and gripping.
The imagery throughout the story was vivid, especially when the angel led Kayra through the winding alleyways to the magical coffee shop. I could almost smell the coffee beans and hear the soft music playing in the background. It felt like a place of comfort and acceptance, a sanctuary for those who have suffered.
The dialogue between Kayra and the angel was so tender and reassuring. It was heartwarming to see Kayra find hope and a sense of belonging after feeling so lost and alone for such a long time. The way the angel explained their purpose, to offer love and acceptance without judgment, was really touching.
And the ending, where Kayra looks in the mirror and sees a transformed reflection, was so powerful. It showed how much she had grown and changed, finding peace and contentment after her ordeal.
Overall, this story beautifully captured themes of redemption, hope, and the healing power of love. It's a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there can be light and a way forward.
GOOD JOB!
Hello, KaeRae! I'm Wist here to leave you with a review.
I want to start by saying that this piece does an excellent job building an atmosphere. I'll go into more detail briefly, but one of this story's greatest strengths is how it feels. Your details and imagery are very well done. With that said, let's go over the details.
This opening sequence, but especially this line, does an exceptional job of building tension. You've given us a character clearly in danger and emotional distress, making the audience lean in to see what happens to this character. Good job!
My main criticism of this work is these scene breaks. Scene breaks are reserved to show transitions to a new place or character. Having them sprinkled in the same scene where the same two characters are talking makes the reading experience less smooth. My recommendation would be to remove them entirely since right now, they're not serving a narrative purpose.
This is the atmosphere I mentioned earlier. The best advice I've ever received for giving descriptions is to say things by name and to be specific. So, you mentioned coffee, laughter, and soft conversation, which already provide this vivid visual. The readers are already starting to imagine this coffee shop before you reveal it. The one minor note I would give is to change baked goods to something more specific. Is it pastries? Bread? Is it both? Using specific nouns like that will register more with an audience.
There's more of that atmosphere. This whole section reads as very soft and safe. You've done an excellent job establishing this coffee shop as a sanctuary before the characters say it is.
Since you've already established the smell of coffee and baked goods, it's not necessary to mention them again here. I suggest only adding the details of the music.
Ah, the feelings. The message is very heartwarming, and the overall tone of the piece only heightens the effect. Now, excuse me as I cry.
I will say that this ending leaves me a bit puzzled. I'm not sure if that was your intention, but in case it wasn't, I wanted to leave what puzzles me. I'm mostly not sure where the nurse came from. Was this story a coma dream? Is she being attended by an angel nurse to become an angel? I know you stated the girl had changed, but you didn't say anything to show that the girl had changed into an angel. If this transition was supposed to be vague and up to the reader's interpretation, then great job. You hit the mark. If it wasn't, there are some details you need to add.
Overall, this was a lovely piece that exudes warmth and comfort. There are only a few things you could tweak to make it even better. I hope what I said here was helpful! Thank you for publishing; I really enjoyed reading.
Happy Writing!
Wist
Hey Whist! I was definitely going for the confusing ending part haha. I was trying to aim for it being more like a dream happening in her mind as she wakes up from the hospital. I will have to do some editing here and there. Thank you for the review!
Okay!! As I said, if it was your intention to be confusing, you did good! My critique was mostly for the case that you did not mean for it to be confusing.
Hello fellow writer! Ley here to write a tortoise-y review on this amazing work you've published! This is a new review style that I'm using only for the month of June, in spirit of the Great Tortoise Race! Let's get started, 'shell' we? xD
Shell Start:
I love the contrast you presented here in this! The contrast between expecting her 'tormentor' and really finding an angelic figure, or an angel, really sets the tone for this story.
Favorite Leaf:
Your imagery was also very on point: the vivid descriptions of the alleyway, the scent of coffee and baked goods, and the sound of laughter creates a warm and inviting atmosphere, setting the tone for the story.
I could also imagine the coffee shop being a 'sanctuary' of sorts, like a safe haven.
I also really enjoyed the mix of of themes here: starting from deep despair to eventually fading into the theme of hope and renewal!
Shell Fractures:
I have only one suggestion here:
I feel like we can change this wording up a bit, as the word 'like' kind of caught me off guard. I'd recommend removing this word all together, to enhance the blue in his eyes even more! It'd be changed to this, which flows a lot smoother:
Adding that 's' after 'oceans' will give that plural adjective you were looking for.
Tortoise Wisdom:
This has to be my favorite line out of all of them:
I was so happy to see that Kayra would be accepted and brought in by this angel to feel welcomed again. I feel like this story holds a big life lesson/wisdom: there is always a place for you! You just have to find it <3
Overall: Overall, this was a great story! I loved the meaning behind it, the descriptions, and the tone/theme! Happy writing, and I hope to see some of your reviews floating around the green room as well!
Thank you for taking the time to read this review! I hope to see you join the race, and keep being awesome! Happy Writing~
Thanks for the review, Ley! ~