BEEP BEEP BEEP
I pulled the sky blue bed covers over my head after I hit the snooze button on my alarm. Thoughts of last night flooded into my mind. I can’t think about this right now, I thought to myself. I jumped out of bed, my feet hit the floor with a soft thud. I walked swiftly to the dresser and pulled out some shorts and a t-shirt and got dressed. I pulled my long auburn hair back into a tight ponytail. I then grabbed my iPod of my nightstand and headed downstairs.
I glanced outside and saw that it was a peaceful morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and there was a soft breeze that ruffled the leaves on the tree lined streets.
“Perfect,” I murmured. I quickly put on my running shoes and headed out the front door, a soft click following me. The damp morning air met me and the sun shone warm on my face. I breathed deeply taking in the morning air and smiled. I turned on my iPod and started jogging down the driveway. Memories from last night were still bugging me so I turned up the volume and started running. My feet were hitting the pavement in a steady slapping sound, a smile playing upon my lips. My memories were finally flying behind me and I just concentrated on tree lined street lying before me. The neighborhood was quiet and peaceful as I made my daily morning run. After about a half hour, I arrived back at home, a little out of breath but satisfied. The memories were gone for now. The smell of breakfast aromas filled the downstairs as I entered the house.
“I take it you had a good run?” my mother asked as I entered the house. She was in the bright, sunny kitchen cooking on the stove.
“Very good; satisfying,” I said with a grin. “Do I have time to go take a shower before we eat?”
“If you make it fast; it will be ready in a few minutes,” she said, “and we have something to discuss this morning.”
I groaned, “Great. I’ll be down in a few.” I bounded up the stairs two at a time. When I reached the top, I entered my room and shut the door with a soft bang. I put my iPod in the dock and turned the music up. Then I went to take a shower. I let the warm water loosen my sore muscles. I got out and threw on another pair of shorts and an old t-shirt. I ran a brush through my hair and tossed it up in a ponytail once again. I raced down the stairs and saw that breakfast was already on the table.
“Shoot,” I mumbled, “I’m not late, am I?” I asked my mom as I pulled out my chair to sit down.
“Nope, we’re just waiting on your father now,” she said with a smirk. They’re usually waiting on me, so this was a first.
“Do you want me to go see if he’s ready?” I asked with a mischievous grin.
“Um, no that’s okay. He should be ready in a few minutes…” she glanced at me, saw that I was giving her the puppy dog look, and laughed.
“Fine, go!” she ordered still laughing.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said as I ran out of the kitchen to go to my parents’ bedroom. I reached their door and I was surprised to find it closed. Their door is usually always open, and I can enter any time.
I knocked politely and heard my father’s muffled voice come through the door,
“Come in.” I opened the door and went in. I found him in the closet putting on his tie.
“Breakfast,” I told him, “And we’re waiting on YOU this time!” I said with a laugh, “You know what that means!” Anyone in our family who is late to a meal gets a punishment. My dad usually just picks me up and starts tickling me or chases me around or something to that effect. He looked at me with wide eyes and mocked a scared face. I was standing on the bed because I was planning to pounce on him. My dad quickly grabbed his shoes from the floor and ran out of the room. I tried to jump in time but I missed by a mile.
I chased him as soon as my feet hit the floor. Our laughter was bouncing off of the walls and echoing throughout the house. I pursued him down the stairs and into the kitchen where he had sought refuge behind my mom. I stood across from him at the table. My mom was sitting there giggling at us. I dove under the table and reached for his feet. I got a hold of him, finally! I clung to him as I made my way out from under the table. I pulled my arms up around his waist and dragged him into the family room. I pounced on him which put him on the floor and started tickling his feet which he hates. He started laughing and then said,
“All right all right! I give up! I’m sorry!” I stopped tickling his feet and got up slowly because my side hurt from laughing so hard. We made our way to the kitchen table where my mom was sitting there laughing at us.
“Okay you two, it’s time for breakfast now; it’s getting cold!” she half scolded us with laughter still ringing in her voice.
“Okay, okay, I think we’re ready to eat now,” my dad said still chuckling.
“Yes, please; I’m starving!” I commented. So my mom started serving breakfast, and we all still held a smile on our face. I figured now was as good of time as any to see if I could have my friend Kali over to spend the night.
“Hey Mom, may I have Kali over tonight, please?” I begged.
“I don’t see why not. I don’t think anything’s going on tonight. Tim, what do you think?” My mom turned to my dad.
“Well, it sounds fine to me,” he responded.
“Thanks so much! May I go call her now?” I begged.
“Not yet; there is something we need to discuss first,” my dad said. Oh great, I thought, this will ruin my good mood for sure.
“Juliana, your mother and I spent a great deal of time talking last night. We tried to think of ways we could keep your life as normal as possible,” he said. Ha, I thought, my life is never going to be normal anymore. Normal probably won’t even be in my vocabulary.
“We came up with a few things we thought might make your life a little easier. Normally, there is only a masquerade ball once a year, on Halloween. We decided perhaps we could just make every ball a masquerade ball. Nobody is to know our last name. We thought possibly we could change your name if you’d like,” he suggested.
“Please, no; that might be a little confusing. Is it that coincidental that we’d have the same name?” I inquired.
“Well no. Okay, you can keep the same name. Do you have any other suggestions?” he asked me.
“Well, do you think, maybe, you could not have any personal guests over?” I asked softly. “I don’t really want anyone to know about me.”
My dad chuckled softly, “Honey, I’m going to have to have personal guests over at some point. But you won’t have to go to those dinners,” he said gently. “I know you really don’t want to do this, but I would really like your support.” My dad had my support a hundred percent. I just really didn’t want to move. I’d have to leave Kali behind and move into a palace and have people wait on me (that part didn’t sound too bad though) I don’t like having to start over, but I didn’t want to let on.
“When are we leaving?” I asked softly. Tears were brimming in my eyes but I wasn’t going to cry in front of them.
“Thank you Juliana. We’ll leave in a month. I’ll allow you to tell Kali. That way, she can come and visit whenever you’d like.”
I looked up at him and smiled. Tears still in my eyes, I asked, “May I please be excused?”
My mother studied me for a moment before saying, “Of course, sweetie.”
I leaped up from the table and ran out the back door with tears starting to leak out of my eyes. I headed for my favorite willow tree, all the way in the back corner of our yard. I made my way through the droopy branches and sat down with my back against the rough bark. I then pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead on them. Then, I let the tears flow as they pleased. I had been there for a while when I heard soft footsteps approaching. I dried my eyes and looked up. I was surprised to find Kali there, staring at me with her worried brown eyes.
“Juliana, what’s wrong? Your mom called me and said you needed me…” Kali’s voice trailed off, expecting me to fill in the missing details. She sat down in the grass next to me and put her arm around my shoulders.
“Come on, Jules, tell me,” she said, using her nickname for me.
“I don’t wanna,” I said stubbornly in a little girl’s voice.
“Don’t make me do it, you know you hate it…” she said in a teasing voice. To make me talk when we were younger, she would tickle me until I gave in.
“You wouldn’t dare,” I told her.
“I would, so you might as well tell me,” she said with a smile playing in the corner of her lips.
“Fine,” I waited for a moment before I continued because tears were still there, “Kali,” I began slowly because I really didn’t want to tell her this, I hate seeing her cry, “we’re moving.” I just came out and said it.
“What?” she gasped. “No, no, no. Why?” Tears were starting to form in her eyes.
“Well, ummm…. My grandfather was actually a king, but he just passed away. So my father is going to take over the throne, apparently, and we have to move to wherever and..” I said all in a rush.
“Are you serious?” Kali started at me with her mouth hanging open.
“Ummm, yeah,” I muttered, “My dad said you could come up whenever we wanted so that’s a good thing. You’re the only one I’m telling though because I’m going to try and keep my identity a secret. I don’t want to be treated differently, you know?” I said as tears that had started pooling in my eyes as I while I was telling her my story, began to drain out of my eyes. I was leaving my best friend behind, everything I had ever known. I’m going to go to a foreign land and have to start my life over… I started sobbing again.
“Oh, Jules,” Kali said before wrapping her arms tightly around me and letting me cry there. I was scared.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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I felt the "up" that comes after "covers" and before "over" was not necessary.
I felt that the first sentence in this part flowed wrong, so I re-organized it and underlined it to make it clear to you which one it was. I also felt that you should start a new paragraph at "I glanced...", because it talks about a different subject.
Ahh, the grammar freak returns.
I underlined the second "Then" because you used it twice in one paragraph. Perhaps you should think of another word to use?
“Um, no, that’s okay. He should be ready in a few minutes…” she glanced at me, saw that I was giving her the puppy dog look, and laughed.
Okay is either spelled "Okay" or "O.K." Also, I felt the underlined text flowed better.
Mom should be capitalized in this case, since you use it as a name, not as "my mom". Also, I started a new line at "I knocked..." because it leads into a new dialogue.
Again, I started a new line because you began a new dialogue. My computer always corrects me for saying "Alright" and replaces it with "All right", so I'm sorry if I'm wrong on that one. I took out "so was my dad", because it didn't make any sense.
I took out "anymore", because it was the second time you'd used it in two sentences. It wasn't necessary.
I underlined the two "maybe"'s because you used them twice in the same paragraph. Consider changing those. Also, that "he" shouldn't be capitalized.
You had a very large paragraph there! I took out a word or two and started new lines with new dialogues.
I re-worded.
Pretty good! I'm glad we see a little more emotion in this chapter.
Hi! I am going to critique this when I have time. I'm too busy these days! I'm glad you posted more; keep it up!