I hide
I cower
Under a smile
Under a facade
Concealing the pain
Concealing the sadness
Those I trust are turning
Those I love are gone
I want to tear myself apart
I want to tear them apart
I sit awake dreading what will come
I sit listening to the yells wishing for escape
I wake up crying
I wake up screaming
I don’t know how to live
I don’t know how to survive
When my nightmare filled dreams
Are a happier place than real life
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Thanks for sharing. Some situations can definitely lead a person to feel helpless. Especially if every effort at a solution is similar to running up against an invisible ceiling. This poem expresses the emotions felt under that situation very well. Very concise albeit effective. It leaves the reader concerned for the writer and hoping that everything will turn out well. Also hoping that the writer is using a persona and that this is just fiction in poetry.
Why? Well, because of the tendency to feel compassion and an urge to help. So such a reaction from a reader capable of empathy, and with a sense of responsibility toward others, should be common. Is the poem’s purpose to engender this reaction? Or is it a catharsis? Either way it works.
Here are some of my reactions as I read:
Seems redundant since the hiding under a smile conveys using a facade. On the other hand, when we talk under emotional stress, we are usually redundant in order to emphasize. So it’s OK. In fact, it adds authenticity to the expressions of grief.
Made me ponder how we can trust without loving a and love without trusting.
Made me pause. I found this somewhat ambiguous. Is the speaker wishing for escape or are those yelling the ones wishing for escape? Is his suffering being shared by those who are yelling for escape?
Caused me to ponder the nature of reality.
Remember to hyphenate.
Thanks for the review!
Hi there! I'm Bookish here with my first review.
I just wanted to start off by asking if you're alright because this is a very dark poem.
First of all, I loved the repetition of 'I'. I felt that that added a lovely personal touch that let the reader fell your pain on a deeper level.
The short and snappy opening was also very effective because it really caught my attention and made me want to read on to find out exactly what you were hiding from. (Correct me if I've interpreted it wrong but it felt as if the narrator was afraid of themself.)
The overall use of repetition with one line mirroring the beginning of the line before it also was a very clever way to structure the poem.
The final two lines seemed almost oxymoron-ish to me because you say that you would rather trade one nightmare for another.
Again, if this is a poem based around your own thoughts then I really hope that you are okay.
Altogether I thought this was very well written and, although simplistic, it was certainly chilling.
Never stop writing! Thank you!
Hey, thanks for the review. Thanks for the concern, I%u2019m all good though, this is just based on a darker time of my life, things are better now.
That's good!
I really liked your poem though.
Greenteas and salutations my dear friend!
My name is GreenTea and I'm here to review! I hope none of the constructive criticism will be taken negatively and the positive comments will help inspire you to continue. Let's get into the review!
Oof, well now I'm scared. You okay friend? Besides the dark subject, I thought that the short simplistic style of this poem really gave it that desperate feel. You didn't use a lot of fancy words however the lack of that made it seem far more relatable. Your short sentences and your brief statements make the narrator seem breathless and desperate. I liked it a lot!
Time for comments!
Powerful start. Two words yet so intriguing, I want to know more!
This line makes me sad because it reminds me of what people nowadays go through. You have to be happy on the outside but on the inside, you are so sad and torn up that you don't want anyone to know. It's #relatable but not in a good way...
Muy bien senorita! I love this ending because it's just as simple as the beginning and it carries a little more power. Good job!
Well, that’s all I have for now! Hope I gave you a quali-tea review!
再見
Zàijiàn!
~GreenTea
Thanks for the review!