"He said his name was Ezekiel, and he read my books, all three of them! Can you believe it, June? "
"Hardly."
I was sure from the mock amusement in Juniper's voice that she's had quite enough of my chattering, but I've only been talking about him for ten minutes.
I glanced at my chipped watch. No, it's been half an hour.
Tilting my head up to meet the red and dull yellow trees that lined up the gravel road, stepping on a brown leaf that made a satisfying *crunch* sound as it always had, I imagined him walking right beside me, bantering with me like we had something together. Something special.
"Oh, I hope he and I can be friends. He seems so sweet and so, so polite.."
I couldn't help but feel this way ever since I met him two days ago. When I left the coffee shop after trying to meet his eyes for the umpteenth time, his shadow had long gone, and the sun had kissed the ripple of puddles from the night before, ones that basked in its presence and distorted my reflection when I stepped over them.
"You told me he left you alone after just a few minutes of chat. You don't suppose he was only playing with you, was he? " I could sense the concern that laced her voice, and a slight smile creeped up my lips. Even though she rarely ever called, I could tell she missed me as much as I missed her, and she still worried for me like a best friend.
I knew that there was a chance that Juniper was right. But, I wanted to trust him. It'd been hard by myself in a foreign country all that while, so making a friend might do me some good.
"Well! If he was, I'm sure I'll find answers today. I'm going to the coffee shop again. " I could hear an audible groan coming from her end of the phone, along with clinking of plates as I envisioned her stuck at home washing dishes.
"Again? Winnie, you ought to take better care of yourself. Either he likes you, or he wants your heart, literally. Be careful, I sure as hell am not keen on attending your funeral after not seeing you for so many months. " I smiled at the thought of hugging my dear friend again, despite her ominous words. I could swear that she tensed up, her voice slightly wavering.
A trick of the mind, no doubt.
"Oh, alright. You sound just like my mother. " I entered the coffee shop, the familiar bell chime at the glass door signalling a customer. I nodded curtly at the cashier, who despite looking deprived of sleep, waved back at me, albeit dismissively.
The stained glass windows filtered in the soft hue of sunlight, and even more people dotted this coffee shop than it did the other evening.
I should have asked for his number.. Perhaps I was too caught up in the moment.
I glanced around the shop, the aroma of coffee and chocolate stained the air, lingering around my nose.
"Winifred?"
It would be an understatement to say that my heart leaped out of my chest at the vaguely familiar voice in front of me.
"Ezekiel! Fancy seeing you here again today. " As if I hadn't been waiting here every evening for him for the past two days, but some part of me silently agreed not to fuel his ego.
He cracked a smile, offering a word of apology for leaving me so soon the other day, and I accepted it all too soon.
After much awaiting, we finally exchanged contacts.
.
.
.
"Ezekiel, the outline of my book is almost complete, would you like a preview?"
I flipped open my notepad, excitement bubbled from within me as I tilted it upwards for him to get a closer look. He bent down to gaze at it, though I swore he stole glances at me in the process. A trick of the light, most definitely.
"Ha! You think it's so easy being a writer? Grow up, Winifred, get a real job. " A faint buzz of laughter echoed behind me, a shadow that constantly followed wherever I went. The voices synchronized in perfect harmony. My mother, my brother, perhaps even the only person I thought believed in me..
"Of course, Winnie. " I snapped out of my thoughts as Ezekiel draped his dark leather coat over me, his moonlit smile sending flutters into my heart, the gentleness in his voice forcing that small hum of disapproval to fade into the distance.
"Tell me all about it over dessert, won't you?" He reached his hand out like a gentleman, and what lady would I be if I didn't take it?
.
.
.
I stumbled into bed, papers shrewn wildly on my desk as I covered my face with my pillow, effectively blocking out the screams of frustration that poured out uncontrollably.
Another publisher had denied my request. Was my writing that bad? Sure, there were barely any authors in this city, much less any female ones, but why was it so much of a shock when they heard my voice over the phone!? Clearly, this was discrimination! I bet they barely even sifted through my work!
I huffed, forcing back tears as my phone lit up with a notification. I knew of only one person who would call me, even though we've known each other for about half a month.
"Ezekiel? You won't believe the horrible day I've had! " I could hear shuffling of papers from his end of the phone call, and a slightly incoherent mumble escaping his lips.
"Oh dear, I'm terribly sorry. Did I intrude? "
"No, no! Please, stay. Stay on call with me. I'm just stressed about paperwork. " His voice seemed strained, and I couldn't help but think that perhaps my problems were far less important than his.
"Oh, alright. You told me you were a detective, right? Are you okay? Was it a hard case? " I could hear a dull chuckle, before the creaking of a chair as he leaned back into it.
"Sort of.. But, tell me about your day. Your lovely voice makes me forget about all my troubles. " Instantly, heat rose to my cheeks.
"Y-you! " I huffed, propping myself up on my elbows. A laugh echoed from my phone.
"I'm being serious. Whenever you talk, it's like the world stays silent, leaning in to hear you speak your sorrows and excitement."
.
.
.
"I talked to the Moon about you." I stared up at the blanket of darkness that shrouded the stars, my hands intertwined with his as he finally spoke in the silence of the night.
We sat on his balcony, a glass table separating us from each other, though I could hardly complain.
"You did?" I feigned surprise, my lips twitched into a smile. "Whatever did you say about me?"
"I can't tell you that. It's a secret. "
He turned to face me, and I could see the vivid twinkle of mischief in his eyes.
The things I'd do to get lost in them.
My arm rested on the silver balcony railing, my cheek in my palm. There was a certain soft gaze in his eyes that held my words in my throat. His lips had seemed etched into a smile whenever he saw me, and the way he gazed at me as I rambled...
Silence hung in the air, our faces illuminated by the gentle glow of the moon.
"Well, don't leave me hanging! Did the moon reply?" I whispered, shifting to angle myself so I faced him, as if it was some sort of important secret, shared only between us and the stars.
"Yes." He whispered back, rubbing circles on the back of my hand. "He told me about her Sun, how brightly she glowed whenever she talked about something she liked, mostly about her book. " My gaze drifted from the moon to his, and in that moment, I desperately wished that time would stand still, so that for that one second in eternity, we'd be gazing at each other, the world silent around us.
"Oh dear. You look flushed. You're not having a fever, are you? " I couldn't help but grin at his words, and his contagious, goofy smile.
"Oh, stop it, you. You're cheesy enough as it is. We've known each other for a month already, and you're still the same as when I first met you. " I smoothed out my dress, the same diaphanous fabric of gold that he got me a few days ago.
Though, if I'd seen correctly, I'd say that his smile began to waver ever so slightly as I spoke. Did I say something wrong?
Oh, Ezekiel.
Had time flown by so fast for him as well?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello, Juhxi! A belated welcome to YWS! It's nice to meet you. I'm dropping by to give you a review and I will be using the YWS'mores method!
The Top Graham Layer: My first impression of this story is that it seems like a sweet little love story told from two different perspectives! I always enjoy stories with multiple perspectives because it's so interesting to hear all the different angles of the plot and to learn more about the character and their history with their own individual chapters. I also absolutely adore the name choices - Winifred, Theodore, and Juniper are all fantastic names!
The Slightly Burnt Marshmallow Layer: Here is where I'll point out any grammatical nitpicks I may notice while reading:
Don't use asterisks (**) in a story to display actions or sounds; instead, rely on literary devices like imagery to help the reader understand that the leaves are crunching.
The use of the word stained seems unnecessary here with the rest of the sentence. I would swap it out and just say "the aroma of coffee and chocolate in the air".
Considering that this dialogue is from a flashback and is just Winnie remembering what she had been told in the past, it would be appropriate here for you to use italics to define that and separate this line from the rest of the dialogue that is simultaneously occurring.
The Melty Chocolate Layer: This story is absolutely adorable. I love the way that Winnie and Ezekiel seem to hit it off right away! I like how Ezekiel seems absolutely smitten with Winnie, and how Winnie feels confident enough to lean on Ezekiel for support. In addition to that, the way that you describe their affection for each other is really sweet. You are making good use of descriptive details and imagery to evoke these feelings of beginning love and butterflies in the stomach.
The Bottom Graham Cracker Layer: Well it seems my beginning impression was wrong! I thought that Theodore was the name of the boy Winnie was crushing on. I guess there's more to that story, huh? That's good, actually! Keep the reader a bit on their toes, it definitely keeps them interested in the story. Overall, this seems to be going great so far. Good luck with your writing and I hope this review provided you with some help.
~ Iggy
Hey there Juhxi! Icy here for a quick review today
Let's get right into it.
Watch out for your tenses. This is something I noticed a bit of in the whole chapter. I think you're aiming for it to be in past tense, based on the majority of what you've written. In that case, I've should be I had and it's should be it had. If this is something you struggle with, I'd consider running it through an online checker to help you out before posting.
This is some really lovely description. I also enjoyed the use of 'umpteenth' because I like how it shows exaggeration with the character being aware they're getting carried away.
It's hard for me to say without having the context of the rest of the story but it feels like her relationship with Ezekiel progresses pretty quickly. The time period makes sense, but I feel like I would have liked to see more of the snippets throughout the month in more detail. That way, I'd feel more attached to him as a character rather than simply hearing Winifred's short recount of what happened.
Looking forward to hopefully reading more of this soon!
Icy