New Year

The computer screen went black I stood up Janet tried to talk to me but I can’t keep pretending that I like her I smile and I shuffle past her with my briefcase I forgot my phone I go back to my desk Janet definitely noticed that I did not want to talk to her I have to smile awkwardly again this time I know she is going to open her mouth and talk to me I nearly run out of the office I am at the elevator I see Janet coming to be in the same elevator with me I cannot stand it I have been around her all I day I turned the corner and take the stairs I should not have done that but it is a break and she probably wont remember this when we get back to the office and if she does I will just laugh it off I am sure that she will not mind I never take the stairs I think I should jump a few it made me go a little faster but I have nowhere to go I only now realized that I have nowhere to go I open the door to the garage but I do not even go to my car I walk around the parking lot a bit looking at the other cars my car is fine I don’t know what it is called I never learned cars and I don’t know what everyone else’s car is I just know when it is good and when it is bad Grant has a good car but Peter has a bad car everyone knows even if they don’t know what kind of car it is I have walked past all of the cars the garage door is open and I can see the snow falling I can’t see outside from my desk there aren’t any windows except for when I go outside for lunch but I didn’t go out for lunch today because I didn’t want to see people but I already see people they are preparing for the big event the new year the new year the new year the new year how is it already the new year did I accomplish anything I know that I didn’t I do this every year I have to set all of these goals and pretend like I am going to fulfill them it lasts a few days why do we give the new year so much power I can’t imagine that it does anything it’s a falsehood a lie the new year the new year the new year I don’t know how long I have been walking I wasn’t aware that I was walking and now I know that I am walking and I see everything the couples the couples the couples the other people that are alone but somehow they are fine how are the fine I cannot imagine they are fine but they are fine and it drives me nuts I am not fine unless I look fine I would treasure if I looked fine but how do you reach into another mind and see if you look fine to them I can’t do it and no one can do it the new year the new year the new year the new year I am the same I haven’t change I haven’t changed I haven’t changed I wake up I go to work I go home I go to work I go home I go home I go to work I go to work do I have any friends I don’t understand I think I do I hang out with Ben sometimes and I see Catherine when I can does that count do I share my life with them is it meaningful I am not wearing boots and I feel the wetness of the snow it is going to get into my socks I should have driven I don’t like wet socks I am walking on water but I am in wet socks the bottom of my pants are wet now I should not have walked I do like the crunch of snow and now I hear the crunch of snow I love the crunch of snow and now it’s all I hear crunch crunch crunch the new year the new year the new year how long have I been walking I don’t know where I am I can just follow the brightness I hate Times Square I need to turn around I don’t turn around I can’t turn around I have to have been walking for hours I was lost in the crunch the new year the new year the new year I don’t know how long I have I haven’t touched my phone in a while I feel its outline in my pants and check the 9:50 PM I have been walking for hours I stop and I should not have stopped my socks are still wet and I can see everything and I can see what I am not the happiness I am not the swell of the chorus I am not my wet socks are me I am the wet sock I can laugh at that ha ha ha the new year the new year the new year the new year I know that I am standing and not moving they are all preparing for the dropping of the ball I am too cold and too tired and too sad and too defeated to look and I need to leave the new year the new year the new year the new year I know how to get away and I used to take this alley as a kid and I haven’t talked to my dad in years and he would like to know that I am here I have his number saved in my phone and what is that it’s a dog it’s a puppy its golden it’s a golden retriever puppy and golden retrievers are the only kind of dog I even like my family used to joke that I hate dogs but I love golden retrievers and this puppy is right there and its looking at me not through me its looking at me I could move my head and the puppy would follow me and I can see the depth in its eyes and I see everything I will take it home it moves closer to me and I think it is going to nuzzle my leg I will take it home and give it a name and it won’t sleep in my bed the first night it will just travel around my apartment and it is nuzzling my leg I should pick it up it will travel around my apartment and bark and my neighbors will have to tell me to keep it quiet but I won’t and it won’t keep barking and I will walk it around and people will love my dog and I will love my dog and I will name it and keep it close to me and always pet it when it comes to my leg when I am eating dinner and this is how it happens this is how my life happens and I will remember the moment the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the seconds before the end of the year that I found my golden puppy that changed my life and I want to pick it up but it doesn’t seem real yet the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year shouting now the new year the new year I hear it coming and I know that I am going to pick up my dog and take it home and not need to look back and this new year will be a new year and I will feel it all and I will love it all and they are screaming 10 the dog loves me and I know that it does and I have found my way out it is literary it is legendary 9 the new year the new year the new year the new year I think about how I should have just talked to Janet what does it matter I have a dog now who cares about Janet who cares I have a dog I have a dog I have a dog a golden dog my golden dog 8 my wet socks will dry and my pants will dry and I will dry and my dog is nuzzling my leg and the dog might be cold and I should pick it up now 7 the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new year the new dog the new year the new dog 6 the new year the new year I can new year I can I can new year the new year 5 I can feel them shouting now everyone is shouting and I am waiting to pick up my dog until the new year new year the new year the new year the new year the new year 4 I need to call dad and tell him he loves dogs and now I have a dog a new dog a new year a new year a new year 3 what is stopping me 2 I am timing it with the shouting to make it perfect I know that I can do this my dog is nuzzling my leg my new year my new dog my new year

“Honey! Lancelot is over here. Thanks, man.”