z

Young Writers Society



After the Storm

by Jibber


Tumbling across the land, wind howled, casting aside proud trees, and billowing over humble homes. Fat rain drops splattered across the land. Thick, muddy puddles formed. Crops shrunk back down to the earth, crying out for mercy. Wheat blew in the wind. Horses sought shelter in their rattling barns. Cows bellowed in protest. Grass whipped the dirt, tossing dandelion seeds into the air, and churning like the sea. Rolling thunder blasted from the sky. Lightning flashed, providing the only light upon the cloud-darkened land. Hidden, the sun began to set.

Its glorious rays peaked through the tiny breaks in the clouds, casting golden light upon the rain dampened grass, the crushed wheat. A rainbow formed among the darkened clouds as the rain gradually lightened. The colors of the land screamed to be noticed, and finally, the dew that settled upon the leaves of trees and bushes, the water droplets on the blades of grass, reflected the sun’s energy and glorious colors sparkled across the tempest. The dandelion seeds floated in the soft wind, shimmering in the blinding light. Abruptly, a scene exploded across the earth. Dull, dying grass became a glorious shade of emerald green; dry, yellow wheat became a vivid gold; scabbing, brown bark became a rich brown-mahogany, creating a myriad of colors. Marvelous purple, yellow, and white flowers stretched their stems, reaching for the warm rays of the sun.

All at once, a flock of Narcissus Flycatchers swept beneath the dark clouds. Their black and yellow wings stretched to their limit. In the distance, a Canary began to sing. Blue, purple, and orange butterflies began to ride on the soft breeze, collecting pollen or basking in the sun, their wings gently opening and closing. The horses came out of their sheltered barns and began to graze on the damp, sweetened grass. The cattle stopped their lowing and flicked their tails, though there were no flies in the residue of the storm.

The sun sank lower, its rays began to lose their comforting warmth. The breeze blew until its energy burnt out, the grass lay still, the flowers bobbed their heads, and the wheat lost its golden sparkle, sinking back to its original position. The dandelion seeds gently landed back among the grass, planting themselves in the damp earth, promising a golden reflection of the sun. The rainbow faded into the darkening sky. The water droplets fell to the wet ground. The birds grew still, the singing stopped. And everything became silent.

The sun disappeared, but the beauty of the world sheltered its faith from the harsh winds and cruel thunder. Never again did the wondrous country side fear the beating rain, or cower from the mocking clouds.

The redeeming sun would return.


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Mon Feb 03, 2014 12:34 am
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ThereseCricket wrote a review...



Hi!
Cricket here for a quick review!

Rolling thunder blasted from the sky.


Thunder doesn't blast. So you could put it as thunder shook the sky's.

Its glorious rays peaked through the tiny breaks in the clouds, casting golden light upon the rain dampened grass, the crushed wheat.


So take out the rain, change dampened to damp. and put an "and" between grass and the.

The cattle stopped their lowing and flicked their tails, though there were no flies in the residue of the storm.


I think the part about the flies is a little unnecessary.

And everything became silent.


I'm not entirely sure about this, but I think you could change the became to was. Just thought it might sound better, that's all. But keep it the way it is if you like. It still sounds fine.

All this being said, I absolutely love this piece!
I live in a place where we get only a few storms a year so I really like how you describe this. I especially like how you talk about the redeeming sun. It's like the sun is a sign that there's always hope.

Anyway Great Work!




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Mon Feb 03, 2014 12:15 am
NikkiJamesWolf wrote a review...



Firstly, I would like to say that I adore how you described the chaos the storm had made, then how you described how the sun when it came out seem to make everything more beautiful and lively. I especially liked that concluding paragraph and how everything that experienced the storm did not fear it anymore after the sun had given them that comforting light and faith.
Now when I began to read I was a bit confused because I had read the title "After The Storm". I think it would be better if you emphasized the sadness and fear after the storm instead of actually putting in the chaos during the storm.





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