Witches

by JessyAnnie

Published March 30, 2010

In Poems

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Potions all around,
Spells and enchantments,
Are their only sounds.

Hiding in the woods
Where no sane person goes,
They just can't wait,
To turn you into a toad.

Skulking in the shadows,
Waiting for their prey,
The innocent little person,
Who just gets in their way.

Beware of the evil cunning witches,
Before they fly your way.

Comments & reviews · 3
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xxKittyKatxx
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xxKittyKatxx commented Comment · Apr 1, 2010

I think its quite cute! :elephant:

SteviexOctopus wrote a review Review · Mar 30, 2010

Warning you now, I am not much of a poet.

But I read this and I had to offer some sort of encouragement, because frankly it is really good.

I do have one suggestion*: Read it out loud a few times and make sure the punctuation is where you want it to be. I believe the rules for punctuation are the same for poetry and prose; half breath/short pause for commas, full breath/long pause for periods. To me, the punctuation kinda breaks up the poem more than it needs to be.

Other than that very small detail, I thought you did an excellent job!

Keep Writing!
- Stevie

*Note the use of the word "suggestion". As I said before, I am not a poet.

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Snoink
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Snoink wrote a review Review · Mar 30, 2010

Aw, this is kind of a cute poem! :)

To make it more geared for children (since it totally reminds me of a children's poem), try making this message more personally geared for children. For instance, you can use second person to direct the message to "you" instead of saying talking about the "innocent person." I think it would be much cooler! :D



If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
— W. Edwards Deming