Life is like a wild open ocean
Wild in the extreme
The wind whipping up
Neither here nor there
Rough and unknown
The ocean is unpredictable
Like a big huge blue roller coaster
The experiences will never be the same
Calm and quiet
The light blue of the surface
The dark blue of the deep
You can never see the bottom
But you have to take the leap
Nothing is a beautiful
The ocean loves
The ocean hates
It will never have an end
Everything is always changing
Whether a wild wind stirs the water
Or from the suns early morning glow
Life will never be the same
So enjoy it as it goes
Waves crashing on the shore
You will have your ups
You will have your downs
Life will give you challenges
So carve your own path.
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140,108 Literary Works • 673,015 Reviews
Hi Jessy! I don't believe we've met! I'm Elinor!
Anyway, to your poem. It was nice, and I absolutely adored the imagery that you used. However, your focus in this seemed to be a little off. You start of this poem with the premise that it's going to be about nature in general, but when you get to the sea, you spend the whole time describing that. Also, you start off with an interesting metaphor that I'd like to see expanded upon.
Good luck!
-Elinor
Wow. How you describe your poem is really nice. Descriptive yet, realistic. How you portray the big, wild ocean to an imperfect life. Deep. But it's really nice.
Keep up the good work!
Hi there.
I really like this. The imagery is magical and the picture this paints is beautiful, and so very, very true. I love the deep feelings that show through and ihis makes me want to cry, then smile and then scream for joy... Yes, strange feelings, I know.
Anyway. Thank you for making me smile and for the beautiful poem.
~Scarlett.
Hey, JessyAnnie, I'm des.
I like your poem. It's deliberate and so is the pace.
I think if punctuation was used then you'd get the right pauses in the right places.
In the first stanza, "neither here nor there" could've been replaced by something more concrete like maybe, " The wind whipping up, but not affecting a single grain." Grain meaning sand or something since life is being referred to as an ocean.
You have big and huge in the second stanza in the same sentence describing one thing, and it causes this line to seem redundant.
Here you could've said" great" or "grand" to describe the magnitude of the roller coaster.
I also think that the ending was abrupt. And altered it can have the impact you desired to create.
All in all, you did a great job.
Keep it up. Keep writing!
wow. Deep, very deep. I like it!