The morning mist

I'm Pendr! I have just a few quick but extremely important tips to improve this a ton.
A poem needs stanzas and separation in lines. This is literally one paragraph with no capitalization or punctuation. This needs punctuation because there are many run-on sentences and places that are really hard to understand without punctuation. In the last two lines there are spelling and grammar mistakes that NEED to be fixed. They are "all of the worries of the world HAS GONE" and "in that moment you FINE hope." Fix those. Please.
What I like about this poem and what is good about it is the topic. It's a great and beautiful thing to write about, and you have such great ideas and content. You just need to work on conventions.
Good job!
-Pendr

The poem is good but not in poetry form. I'm amazed that you made this poem while you were walking but be careful cause if you did this while crossing the street too, its dangerous. Well, somehow I couldn't believe that there is someone who can make a good poem like while walking haha.

For me, its like you are narrating a story than a poem. But I just have to imagine that this is a poem. In this poem, there is a flow to it. Its good, its gave me enlightenment of what the morning looks like. Yeah!

My favorite part:

My soul feels alive
While the light of the sun refills my soul
With the joy I once lost
As the rays of light piers my soul

It has a touching feeling to it. So good job!

You typed this on your phone? WHOA, especially while you're walking??!! That's impressive. Props for that, man.

Well, hello impressive person that can type on tiny keys while walking~

The ideas you have in this have huge potential, and the amount of description you have here is vivid and beautiful. It's the formatting that makes my mind go crazy. You basically have a bunch of words separated by spaces and seldom, randomly placed punctuation. Here, I'll give you an idea (if you were going for poetic format, rather than prose :3)

"The morning mist
is the joy of my young life.

The flow of the cold breeze upon my face,
watching the sun rise over the mountains.
My soul feels alive
while the light of the sun
refills my soul with the joy
i once lost.

as the rays of light pierce my soul,
it feels like the world
is in perfect harmony.
Like all of the worries of the world have gone.

And in that moment,
you find hope, and that’s why
i have faith in the world.
Because there’s still hope for us yet."

For your first poem on this site, by the way? This is super. You have a nice vocabulary, and the colorful descriptions that you used to illustrate nature's harmony and inspiration remind me of summer. But I do have to tell you; with capitalization, it's pretty much either all or nothing. As you may or may not know, poetry is flexible, so you can get away with pretty much anything when it comes to formatting. But when you switch back and forth between capitalization and lowercase without evident reason, it tends to look sloppy, you know? So, between figuring out your capitalization, punctuating, and formatting, this could become even better than it is.

I just have to say that I love your last line. It's the perfect ending, and it makes me smile, just that idea that nature overrides the world's hate and corruption for a few sweet moments, and makes one believe that everything could become peaceful if only all people could see the beauty beneath the scars. So, you made me smile, J.

Yours,
Savvy

Hi there memory again for another review.

I'm just going to jump right in here and help you out.

Capitalization is your very best friend here. I miss a lot of what you're trying to tell me because I keep missing words because I just plain don't notice that they're there. Punctuation is another best friend of yours. Keep that in mind when you proofread as I told you in my last review, looking and reading over your work two or three times really helps you weed out things that look wrong or just common mistakes.


This is really short and I think it can use a lot more emotion. The longer it can be the better but remember, don't make it too long or too short, around mid-sized will be fine. Maybe putting in how the mist makes you feel and adding in your personal experience will make this even better and give it more emotion, not to mention making it longer.

Keep writing

Mem

Hey Jerrell47! Lupin here for a review. This was really good! There were a few grammatical/capitalisation errors, but you said that you wrote this on your phone so that is not a major issue at all. I love short pieces like this - especially since the speaker is the poet? I guess that's the case for most poems but in this instance it was effective simply because it was so personal. The first line "The morning mist is the joy of my young life." Wow, I love it! I think I can relate to this piece a lot, I remember taking walks with my grandfather out in the countryside and feeling the sensations you described. Thanks for triggering the flashbacks :3

Just a couple nitpicks; in the line [quote]My soul feels alive while the as the light of the sun refills my soul" there is a little error, you should remove the "the as". In at least one instance there is a lack of capitalisation of the first person singular article.

This was great work! Hope to see more from you.