Family ! Most people don’t know the meaning of family they think cause you share the same blood you are family , but what they don’t know is that you don’t have to share the same blood to be family . Let me tell you something i have friends that treat me better than my own family they cause they CARE ABOUT ME . Family is about caring and loving each other, not bad talking and hitting them that’s the action of an enemy not of someone who so pose to be your family,but do you know that some families LOVE one another and don’t LIKE each other .They’ll want you to reach high but they won’t help you they’ll watch you there and when it will look good for them they’ll be the first one to help you but as they do you they will start to tell you a whole set of thing and when they need anything you are the first person they are going to come by,i have a friend his family don’t like him they love him but they don’t like him anyways they are about to lose their house and they called him and ask if he can pay the bills for them and he did and after he did they said thanks and never called back.Now what kind of family is that it’s clear that they only used him.I’m just saying watch who you call your family, chose the ones who care and love you and that will help you in the time of need call you not just because they need something no matter if you don’t share the same blood cause they might be the ones holding you back of reach where you are to be.
BY:
J
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey.
Okay, first off, use proper punctuation and language. You've used too many spaces.
Secondly, your write up was something we all know about, the topic was not intriguing.
I suggest, use strong words, strong, influential words, write something extraordinary. Write something which we all DO NOT know, for starters, or maybe write about something we all know but in a very special manner. You know what I mean?
Nice thoughts though.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
thanks for the pointers means alot
Hi, bbus here to review your amazing writing. This story was a nice one, and I like the message that it conveys a bit. The ONLY thing that I found wrong with this story has nothing to do with the story itself, but instead has to do with the WRITING. The only mistake you have made is that when you write a comma, you no not put a space between it and the previous word, but instead you should put a space between it and the NEXT word. Beside that, COMPLETELY FABULOUS!
~DA B BUS
thanks still learning how to handle thus site
I see. Sorry, I just now read the comment left by ForgottenMemories.
Hi, Memory here to review this beautiful piece of writing you have shared with us.
One thing I noticed about this piece is that it has a lot of emotion behind it, but it's hidden. I had to reread this because of the lack of capitalization. Another thing I noticed is that you have placed spaces between the word and comma like this "ME . Family..." It would work better looking like this "ME. Family..."
Another thing that I saw was that it looks like you were informing us of something, perhaps you should try to put more reasoning behind it, maybe add a story of someone you know who's family didn't treat them so well or use your life as an example.
All in all this piece here has a ton of promise it just needs a bit of tweeking to make it really shine. Another thing that might help is for you to read over your work two or three times to catch any grammar mistakes or anything that doesn't make much sense. I can't wait to see more of your works.
Keep on writing
Mem
all my posts are written on my phone so those mistakes are o the phone the software is not to good
Ah ok, that explains it.
Yeah it's messed up but it's the best that I got
It's good nonetheless
I want to start by saying that I'm so sorry you have to bear that pain. The only issue with this as a literary work is that you need capitalization and to break it up a bit. This is a very emotional and sensitive piece. You seem to be going through a difficult time in your life. I sincerely hope things get better for you. This is a great vent write as far as they go, and you don't yell. I think if this were going to be an essay or memoir you would simply need to format it a little. You are a great writer even when under emotional stress. I just hope you come out of this fine. I don't mean to pity you, simply to offer what comfort I can. I went through rough times once, I thought being invisible was my only safety. Things will get better. Sometimes it takes a little nudge to get out of the ditch, but you'll get out. You just need to stand up with the emotion and confidence you displayed here. If you can write this down, then saying what you feel isn't beyond you. If you ever feel down, just remember that you can make things change.
I'm seventeen well soon to be and when i'm 20 i hope to be in the states just have to get my green card