Green Trees Leap

by Jenthura

  • Poetry
  • Other

Published November 25, 2009

Edited:
So, it was based on the sound of the word and the idea it kinda expresses, and not on the actual sense or meaning.

Green trees leap
Over rovering hovering
Aces of spaces on cases
Of cigars in cars on Mars
When ten men sent
For old mold holds
Under rock and sock that mock
The name of the game in shame
While chairs’ hairs’ wares
Sell well in hell for shells
To make the cake that baked
For hours in flowers that cower
And above all is a shovel
That eats meats near sweets
That burn in churns and never learn
Of rhymes that chime like mimes
In France like ants who dance in pants
Of shades, so staid, dressed on maids
So mean, who clean till green sheen can be seen
On the black of the whack in the shack
In the night where might is right
Over worlds where hurls lack curls
In fields of wheat sheets that meet
Our every need of feed or creed
To break a snake over wakes
Of boats that float full of goats
On a pond in the lawn of a pawn
Who rules his mules with a pool
Of blood, so red and shed that led
The wise in the eyes in the skies.

Comments & reviews · 6
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Ignatius5453
Review
Ignatius5453 wrote a review Review · Jun 3, 2011

Well, it was... interesting. I didn't get it, and it was sort of, off-color, you could say, but it was good none-the-less. Entertaining. One thing you could do is to separate the lines into stanzas that would make it sooooooo much easier to read, because a large block of text like that is very scary.

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Dragongirl
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Dragongirl wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2011

Weird...... I like it. :) The poem reminded me of something Dr Suess would write.

One part I didn't really get(well.. I really didn't get the whole poem.;)) but one part didn't really seem to fit was,

That burn in churns and never learn.


It seems like since you wrote 'churns', 'burn' and 'learn' should be plural as well.

Anyway, like I said, I like this. Good job. :) Keep it up.

~Dragongirl

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Conrad Rice
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Conrad Rice wrote a review Review · Jan 7, 2010

Hi there, Jenthura! I'm Conrad, and I'll be your reviewer for today.

So I think that what you've got going on here with all of these rhymes is very interesting. It is a cool concept, but I have to say that I think it would have been better served if there was some underlying idea behind it. If you were trying to tell a story or express some truth, then this would be much better. As it is though, it's just random rhymes.

So, a good concept, but there is more work to do. PM me if you have any questions or comments.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

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Moriah Leila
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Moriah Leila wrote a review Review · Jan 7, 2010

Ha ha, good job on making everything rhyme. There were even some lines that made a little bit of sense, which was like a word search. This was a fun poem to read, after so many that are gloomy and bleak. It was refreshing, although it would be cool if you had been able to express an actual idea out of all these rhymes.

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anima9
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anima9 wrote a review Review · Nov 25, 2009

But that guy made one hell of a rhyme poem :) I like seeing poems I barely understand (or not understand at all) once in a while. Keeps me thinking what the author was trying to say.

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Snoink
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Snoink wrote a review Review · Nov 25, 2009

Now, if this did make sense, it would be soooo awesome. ;)

One thing that I don't understand is the last line, "And all because green trees leap." The lines above don't really make sense anyway, so why do you feel the need to tie it all together in an apparent conclusion?



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