Unraveled shall be this tale of woes,
to the land in the north where the cold wind blows.
Of those who rose and those who fell,
lost in the cold tale of Winterspell.
~
The gilded city of crystal and stone,
ruled by one upon their pale throne.
Nights were watchful, days passed with unease,
plots of corruption whispered in the breeze.
~
A lone father at work, closely studying maps,
binding books together with cold leather straps.
He smiled at his daughter, peacefully napping,
then there at his door there came a great tapping.
~
He flew as though a dove to the window with such speed,
a soldier in silver, mounted atop a steed.
He jumped to his studies in a flash like a flare,
and he packed them away neatly with an orderly care.
~
He cradled his baby and hopped on his saddle,
and leaped out the back leaving the soldier to addle.
The paws of the white wolf slickly skidded on the soft sleet,
as he dashed gracefully away down the street.
~
They passed through the city making naught of a sound,
for the father and mount were far elsewhere bound.
The shouts in the distance caused a sweat on his brow,
as the guards went to arms during the sun's purple bow.
~
The cavalrymen met them, as a spear barbed wall,
the soldiers stood steady and silent, somber and tall.
The wolf next quickly turned sharply through a dark alley,
and they passed out of the city beyond the men's rally.
~
Dashing across the great and pale tundra, the cold wind nipped his skin,
and droplets of water dripped down his pale chiseled chin.
The soldiers quickly followed, with great wooden bows in their hand,
as they grouped in formations, their eyes pierced the land.
~
His eyes were sealed shut, being blinded by the bitter wind,
An arrow shot by him leaving his right elbow skinned.
Fighting through the galling agony as the arrows got closer,
with the wolf powering through like a fur-coated dozer.
~
In the midst of the chaos he glanced down at his daughter,
and he dreamed of their future, in a land without slaughter.
Without any defenses, his future of escape seemed bleak,
he focused away from the city and it’s dishonest reek.
~
His destination was near, his pursuers were nearer,
the whizzing and yelling and cries began to come clearer.
An arrow soon pierced him far too much close to the heart,
as he fell into a drift, the wolf was forced to depart.
~
When the riders came to, no child had they found,
for the wolf carried the baby away safe and sound.
The father passed happily knowing that all was well,
and such a sharp note ends this tale of Winterspell.
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139,028 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
Ok, I'm not going to get super technical with this like the girl before me did, partcially cause I myself didn't even know half of what sheen ripens. So I'm going to focus on story.
Yes, this was kinda sad, and the sense of fantasy did lend a positive to the creativity of this piece.
Though I have one really BIG question:
Why the hell did the man take his baby to a battle with him? That makes BEYOND no ethical sense whatsoever. That one part makes this entire thing fall apart for me. He obviously cares about his child, so if there was even a chance that a battle would occur, this man would have left her at home without thinking. To think that he would just boggles my sane thinking because it literally doesn't connect at all with character or really any common sense. I get that the end talks about the child again, but instead, why not have the wolf just return to the house to go make sure the child will be taken care of? Or better yet, why not the mother? I mean, you never mentioned that a mother was dead, so for all we know she was out somewhere, returned home, and bloody wolf and baby came running home and she was like wth.
You can't have a major plot hole right in the center of a story, especially one so direct like what you've set up. I would definitely think if a new way to include the child, but definitely not on the battlefield. Maybe have him thinking of her as she starts to battle, maybe play back a key moment in their relationship as he passes on that makes him smile, or cry, anything!
Wow, i don't know why, but this sounds harsh. I'm sorry, but when such a point as that is just staring you in the face, I get weird. I apologize.
Hope you continue to write.
~Maddie
1) The city many times before is mentioned as corrupt. 2) The father was studying maps. 3) Guards were at his door when he left. 4) he carried no weapon. It wasn't a fight, he wanted to escape from the city to somewhere else with his daughter.
Ok, 1, you only mention it being corrupt once, and two, you never clarified what exactly was happening. And also, now pointing out that he didn't have a weapon, if this really is a time of corruption, than why wouldn't he keep a weapon on him just in case if something like this were to happen? It seems like a very ethical idea. You could always have him lose the weapon in a fight or something as he tries to get away from the house.
And also, why are they after him? That's really never addressed either
These are things that have to be addressed for it to make sense, that is all I am saying. This is your work though, so do as you please with the advice
Hi!
I like what you have here. I do like the title. It is very captivating. What I like about this poem is the fantasy-isn plot, as I, myself, am a DIE-HARD fantasy lover.
But--I know; no one likes the "but"--even though the rhyming was good, meaning that the words rhymes, I found that each verse had different beats. One had seven beats, or syllables, as I would call it, one had ten beats, and another had twelve. With something like this, the poem, if read out loud or yourself, will sound rough and off-beat. But do not worry. I just recently discovered about the fact that poetry, if they are intended to rhyme, must have the same amount of beats in each line! My advice is to re-read the poem, and find out whether a particular word should be added or deleted. Since some poetry tend to be poetic (ironic, huh?), try doing that. For example:
Instead of something like this: (don't worry; I made up these lines)
"The day was warm and sunny and the sky was blue
I stood in the colorful field, and I saw you"
I would do:
"'Tis day, the sun does shine, skies were very blue
Standing 'midst the green land, my eyes beheld you"
Now, these are just rough lines, and not everyone prefers fancy poetry that have "'tis" and stuff like that. I am just telling you the main idea of how some poetry would sound like (in my perspective). And it's all right if you don't like my advice. I tend to like poetry that sound like what I showed. Do what you want. You don't need to take my advice to heart. Do what you think is best.
These lines that I have written have eleven beats each, instead of the twelve. Some poetry have short beats, some have long. It really depends on what poetry you would like to write.
You know what? I think I am starting a harangue. I am sorry. I should leave. I mustn't bother you. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I would be more than happy to answer. I will press the "like" button. *clicks the "like" button*
Remember: most poetry need to have the same amount of beats per line. You did a great job on your poem.
Aaahhhhh! I am talking too much.
Bye!!!!!!
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!
Fantasydragon01
Thanks, I'll be sure to keep your advice to heart in my future works!
Even it was a happy ending but still I felt that this poem is quite sad. Anyways, you have a great idea and quite a plot for a poem. Um... be careful when planning the ryhme. It seems like the Winterspell title is just to match the well word on it. Overall, I still like it but don't love it.
Hoping for your next post.
Hoping this will help ya..
Thank you very much for your advice!