Chapter 2: The Truth
The next day, Micah tried his best to hide his black eye. But his efforts were useless, the blasted thing showed no matter what he did to hide it. He did his daily morning routine of getting ready for school and was once again out the door.
It was warmer out today, there was a gentle breeze that played with Micah’s hair as he approached the school. Just like everyday he went to his locker and then went to class.
As he walked into the classroom, a different smell wafted throughout the room. Just a light scent of peppermint with a touch of ginger. Micah guessed that Miss Weatherly was making Gingerbread men for the upcoming holidays.
Micah set his stuff down upon the table and Valerie looked up at him, her bright green eyes showing a thankful gleam. He smiled at her as he sat down, and she smiled back at him.
Valerie looked down at her paper started studying it intently again, as if she absolutely could not fail. Micah watched her study, until she looked up at him again and was really close to his face. He felt his heartbeat kick faster and faster as he looked into her bright emerald eyes.
Valerie didn’t break away from his stare, her eyes flashing between one dark brown eye to the next. Micah inched to Valerie, not realizing it. Before he knew it they were almost touching, breath bouncing off of their skins.
A shrill sound emitted from the ceiling as the first bell rang. Micah immediately broke away and put his hands to his ears, trying to block out the noise. Valerie just sat there looking confused and then made a face of realization, which lasted for a split second before going back to her neutral expression.
Her cheeks were a rosey red from being so close to Micah. Micah uncovered his ears as the last of the bell faded away, its shrill noise still echoing in the classroom. He looked to her with a look of confusion.
Valerie just looked back at her paper, as if nothing had happened. Micah was as confused as ever, but he didn’t have time to be confused as the rest of the class came into the room and Miss Weatherly started talking.
She said that they were going to be making chocolate chip cookies since their budget was low, and that they would be paired up with a partner. Micah had been paired with Valerie, and he couldn’t be happier. He really wanted to get to know her better, she seemed really nice even though he had never heard her talk.
They split the process of making the cookies, and she was in charge of taking the cookies out when the buzzer rang. Micah sat back and watched her work, she seemed to be graceful with everything she did. He realized he was staring and shook his head, his cheeks turning red.
She glanced at over at him and smiled, catching him staring at her. He smiled and blushed even harder, and he heard the buzzer go off for the cookies. He didn’t worry about it since Valerie was in charge of it, but she didn’t make any move to go get them.
A steady stream of black smoke started coming out of the oven, and Micah quickly went to the oven, throwing it open. His eyes watered as the heat and smoke blew into his face, and he backed up knocking into Valerie.
Micah opened his eyes, and was shocked to see Valerie silently crying. She stood up and went to the sink, getting water and throwing it on the black crisps. The black smoke started to disappear, and Miss Weatherly came over in a panic asking what had happened. Valerie stared intently at her face, as if trying to read her lips.
Valerie brought her hands up and started doing weird things with her hands, almost like she was communicating. Suddenly it all made sense! Micah was ashamed at how dumb he was, she was using sign language. Valerie was deaf....
End Of Chapter 2
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Wow that was very interesting. I have read the first chapter and I honestly did not see her being deaf. It was an awesome surprise and it puts a twist to the story. There are a few things that didn't quite flow but it looks as if the others already listed them. So I get the great job of complimenting. Awesome work and I mean it =P. Keep up the writing...
FireBird99
Hey Jalmoc!
I'm going to jump in right with the critiques. Forgive me. I haven't read chapter 1, so I may be confused where a faithful reader would not.
I'm assuming a bell rings, not just every day, but at the end of every class. Why would he have to cover his ears for that?
There is a lot of telling here. It gets boring. They were going to make cookies. Micah and Valerie get paired together. Micah's really happy about that.
Some of the best advice I ever got was to show rather than tell.
Like this:
Micah snuck glances at the still silent girl, wondering what made her tick. He looked up at the teacher as she began assigning partners, the tightness in his chest abating when she paired him with Valerie. Even if she wasn't one for conversation, at least she was nice.
Except you'll do that bunches better than I just did.
If he catches himself staring first, wouldn't he stop staring? This could be fixed if you shuffle the sentences a bit.
Whoa! Give us a warning before time passes like that. It takes a while to make cookies smoke! They've both gotta have some distraction (yes, even if that is themselves again) for that much time to pass.
Be careful with all of the silence. Though deaf people may not talk, it's not because they can't. It's because they can't hear others or themselves talk. Deaf people can make noises.
So, the plot line here was pretty slow. We only have the revelation about the deafness and that's only after the really slow bit with the getting ready for school and what not. Either make it longer to include his reaction about her deafness, or throw something in the middle to spice it up, something funny or exciting.
I do like your premise though. A deaf romantic interest is interesting and not used often especially in teen fiction.
That's all I got. I hoped this helped you out.
If you have any questions, PM or hit up my wall.
If you find yourself lacking reviews, I have a WRFF thread.
Megsug
Hey there!
I find this story to be pretty interesting, and the idea of only realising that Valarie was deaf only at the end made the beginning of the chapter make sense. I don't see why though that Micah didn't realise it sooner, I mean he may have suspected something was up right?
One thing here. If you want to show Valaries character, you have to do it through action, seeing as she is deaf. You have to describe her actions clearly and show her character from that. It's a little harder cos she can't talk, and so dialogue won't work. Micah on the other hand is easier to handle, but still I don't see much from him. The way he reacted to the burning oven was a little unrealistic, I don't mean the action. I mean the dialogue. Micah could speak right? What would he have said? His choice of words can also show his character. Valarie in this case cried, from that I can see that she has a soft character, that's how you show it.
Overall the ending came a little abruptly, it was like a sudden realisation from the hand signs. Have Micah wonder about it for a little while, and then having that sudden thought. The pace of this story was pretty good except that there wasn't enough dialogue, have Micah talk to Valarie when they were making the cookies and from there we can see how Micah reacts to Valarie not responding to him. In this case, the dialogue is needed to bring out the relationship between Micah and Valarie.
Hope my review helped!