A peace buster.
The time is ticking away,
Faster than ever,
Like the bad times are behind us,
Or maybe not.
Who held the answer to this question?
Remains unknown,
Like, it is upon us to find the missing part of the puzzle.
But, the sky seems so clear,
And the stars glitter,
Like never before,
The winds blow,
Like never before,
The tides glow.
That insecurity seems to have gone,
Is this the starting of the new dawn?
Till dusk, we walked,
And by the moon's light we crawled.
The silence seems so apparent,
And so does the absence of the cawing crows..
Just like the observance of quietness,
Right after the departure of a soul.
But we know it's not going to last.
Because the idea goes crass.
And there is some force that conducts a blast.
A black blast.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hello, NightWolf here to give you a review!
I love this poem, and that is simply because of its imagery. You really set up some great description here.
Your rhythm seems a bit disjointed. Like, at the start and the middle, you have a lot of short lines. Then, abruptly, there are a lot of long lines. If you kept them all to a similar length, I'm sure that you'll have a bit more of a flow.
You have some great points here, but they're slightly lost in the imagery.
Apart from that, this is a brilliant poem.
Keep writing -
NightWolf
Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started.
Usualy poetry is my forté...but I have no idea what the main theme of this is supposed to be. It has a nice rhythm I suppose, but everything else is just a stream of consciousness with no rhyme or reason. Any point you wanted to get across was scattered and lost, because after a few lines of one idea you would switch to the next with no transition or connection from the last thought. A few specific nitpicks I have in this piece.
"Like the bad times are behind us,
Or maybe not.
Who held the answer to this question?
Remains unknown,"
So this part is about time, that part I recognize. But in the third line, that implies the rest of that above it was a question. Since it doesn't look like a question you could change the second line to "But are they really?" And then the fourth line isn't strong on its own and should be editied to something like "This remains unknown."
"That insecurity seems to have gone,"
How was any of that above this line an insecurity or indicated that this was an insecurity? Before this line, you were using lots of nice and simple imagery. Make this clearer.
"Because the idea goes crass.
And there is some force that conducts a blast.
A black blast.
Crass is kind of an ugly sounding word and interrupts the general feel of this poem. I would get out of the idea that you need to rhyme since the rhyme scheme I noticed was unorganized and inconsistent anyway. Also, what is the black blast? The title is a peace buster so I have no choice but to assume the blast was the peace buster but what is it???
Almost all of this was confusing to the reader and hopefully not just me. I think you have some nice ideas, but my big suggestion is to focus on a single point and then expand on that without adding random and unrelated things.
Have a nice day
~Purple