This is my third attempt. I turned this in for English as well (I used my devices correctly, earning a 15/15!). I'll post it, and see what comments I get. Hopefully this will tell me if I have any hope in poetry or not. 
My Lil’ Seed
I plant a seed into the ground,
Beneath a lovely lil’ dirt mound—
The first step I take
For a life to make—
And wait for the rain to come ‘round.
For signs of life, I watch my seed,
Ready to pull any surrounding weeds.
The sun shines bright—
A real dazzling light—
And pouring rain is all we need.
The time moves slowly through the year,
And my seed’s life is still unclear.
I hope it grows—
I use my hose!
I care for it through blood and tears.
Later, I smile at the sight of rain;
Oh, look at all the water you’ll gain!
A leaf is green,
The bud is seen,
And a new life, my seed contains.
No longer is my seed a child,
But a pretty picture oh-so mild.
My work paid off;
A seed, I scoff.
A beautiful flower it is, I smile.
After much hardship and determination,
My lil’ seed went through graduation.
I feel so proud,
I make a vow
To plant and grow a new creation.
I planted the seed into the ground,
Beneath a lovely lil’ dirt mound.
After many’a day
The seed, in May,
Grew into first of roses abound.
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Your poem is really cute!! the rythm is excellent, and it is very happy and tender.It reminds me of a hot sunny day and the picture you've created in my head is that of a new life finally being a part of whole creation a process that is holy nomatter how small or meaningless that life may be(if any form of life could ever be meaningless).
Hooray! I'm the first male to post a comment. Don't know why I'm so excited about it, it happens all the time. And has anyone noticed that guys on this site tend to be grouches about other people's poetry more than girls?
)
Okay, now on to the critique.
Your rhyming made the poem more humorous, but it wasn't perfect. I think it would be ridiculous to ask you to rewrite the whole darn thing just for that, but I bet if you tried really hard, you could make your rhymes better. (Just like the little train that could...only you're a poet!
Grammar--check.
Rythm...could be better, just like the rhyming, but not bad.
I think that's all I have to say.
Aw this is cutee!
It reminds me of my mom, hahaha.
I know that sounds weird but she
always talks about us (my brother,
sister, and I) about growing up and
how proud she is and how she remembers
this and that.
it was very cute, I loved it.
I loved it. This is a very good example of interesting poetry. lol. I loved the rhythm, rhyming and great imagery as mizz-iceberg said!
Hi Click!
Hokay. First off,
"Later, I smile at the sight of rain;
Oh, look at all the water you’ll gain! "
I think the second line has too many syllables, it makes it a little clunky, just a little harder to say then needs be. I suggest taking out "oh" and "'ll" Which leaves you with:
"look at all the water you gain!"
I think this will work better for you.
I like the poem, it's cute and meaningful, good rhythmn and word choice. You are, indeed, cut out for poetry dear, please continue. ^^
*Hearts* Le Penguin.
Hey there Jabber! You definitely have hope in poetry! I liked this poem. It had great rhythm and also read very well.
Great imagery. My favourite part was:
No longer is my seed a child,
But a pretty picture oh-so mild.
My work paid off;
A seed, I scoff.
A beautiful flower it is, I smile.
that i feel is the backbone of the whole poem...
But i have to say the overall the whole topic of this poem is a bit overused. Nonetheless good job!
-icy,