We Are the Flame- 2

by JC

Published July 15, 2007

In Unfinished Novels

2

I awoke, trapped in an oddly shaped wooden box. It was wider

around my shoulders, and narrowed down to my feet. The inside was

cushioned with lightly padded puke-green velvet, and the air was thick with

years worth of musk.

I tried to turn around in my new confines, but found that I

couldn’t. The box was getting smaller. Tighter, almost touching my

shoulders, my feet could not move. I began to panic, pounding at the walls

of my prison. Voices. There were voices outside.

“I think she’s awake.” It was the man from earlier, with his odd

accent.

“That’s not possible.” This was from Colette. She had a slight

tint of that odd accent in her own voice. For the life of me, I couldn’t place

it.

When I had been human, I had been in a university to study

literature. Languages. At one point I had been fluent in Latin, French,

Spanish, and of course English. I had begun German when the change

happened. It had been fifty years since I had spoken a breath, and even

my English was beginning to fade.

“How can she be awake in the middle of the day?”

Was it daytime? I had been so long without light of any form

that I no longer died at night. There was no need, no use to protect me

from the sky.

There is a myth, to the human world. They say that the sun

burns vampires. It’s a lie. It is true, go out in the day and we will catch

flame, but it’s not the suns doing.

Many religions point their souls to the sky. To heaven, or mount

Olympus, or wherever their religion guides them. They believe that if you’ve

lived a holy life, then you go up when you die. Sin, and you go down.

The souls of the holy reside in the sky, and only in the daytime

do they shine through. The night sky is much to dark for something light

enough to float.

That’s also why we’re so safe underground. That’s where the

sinners go. And whether or not it was our doing that brought us to this fate

doesn’t matter, just that we are what we are. What we are, is evil.

To drink the blood of a human and bring about death; evil. To

lurk about the night, hunting for prey; evil. To live forever while the rest of

the world must die; evil.

There was a rattling outside of my box. I stilled, in a way so

complete that it was near death itself. My heart stopped again, my

breathing paused. If there had been any blood it would have stilled as well.

“That stuff burns,” somebody said. I didn’t recognize that male

voice. It was new.

“Just help me move it and stop complaining.” Another new

male.

The rattling stopped, and somebody outside my box sighed. I

pushed at the wood above my head, and the door flew open on it’s hinges.

I had forgotten how strong I had grown.

Three guns were pointed at me when I sat up. Two at my head,

one at my chest. The rest of the room was standing back.

It was a small room, with only enough room for the coffin and

maybe twelve other people. There were eight here. Four of them were were-

animals, the other four were vampires.

Of the were-animals there were three wolves, one was in animal

form, he was the only one without a gun. The last one wasn’t dog, but

something else entirely.

I met the last one’s eyes. They were dark hazel, almost

caramel. Edible. His face was young, with the slight beginnings of a goatee.

“You,” I said, making him look me in the eyes. At that moment

my power wrapped around his, hot to cold. Life to death. And I knew he was

mine.

“Lower the gun.” There was a second of pain in his eyes as he

tried to fight against my will. But he knew as much as I that I controlled

him. Vampire to cheetah.

“Holy shit.” This was from one of the wolves. A more modern

looking guy, with short blonde hair. He wasn’t that old. Maybe twenty.

“Lower your gun,” I said. There was no fight against my will this

time, but he didn’t lower the gun. He was wolf, he didn’t have to.

The man who had been with Colette when they got me was

there. He turned to Colette and whispered something in her ear. I heard

every word.

“Get the cheetahs out of the building.”

“Why?” I asked.

The room looked at me, all minds were weighing my power. It

was as if I were food, and they wanted to know just what was in me. Make

sure I wasn’t dangerous. Oh, I would show them dangerous.

The man stepped forward. “Hello, Flame. I am Ferris.” He gave

a shallow bow, keeping his eyes on mine all the while. He was proving that

he was my dominant, it was my cue to bow, to lower my eyes. Victor taught

me that. I sat up straighter, letting the make-believe corset hold my spine

erect.

“I am sorry, but we are here to bring you to the Master.”

I looked around the room once. My eyes scanned every person,

testing their power, feeling their weaknesses. In one sweeping glace I

found the power to destroy the room.

“Does it take eight people to do so? Could you not simply bring

the Master to me?” It was another act of defiance. Rules were rules. You

go to the master, they never come to you. To think otherwise was to think

yourself better than them.

“The world is not as you think it, Flame,” Ferris said.

“Why do you call me that?” I asked.

“Call you what?” Colette stepped up beside Ferris, their powers

met as they did. It was a display meant to impress me.

“Flame.” I said, not taking my eyes away from Ferris’s as they

wished I would.

“Because that is what you are,” Colette answered. I kept my

eyes still as she spoke. “You are one of Victor’s creation. You do his

bidding.”

In one swift leap I left the coffin, landing inches from Colette.

My eyes were finally on hers. A single bullet went of behind me. Slow

reflexes for a wolf.

“I do no ones bidding,” I said with a snarl.

“What do you wish us to call you?” Ferris seemed to never lose

his cool exterior. Already he was high on my good list. For now.

“Serena.” I said.

“Do you not have a last name?” Ferris asked.

“Do you?” I quipped back, turning and walking with my back to

them.

“Take me to the Master then. But know that it does not require

a crowd to do so.”

“My apologies,” Ferris said.

“I don’t need your apology,” I said, “I need the Masters.”

Somebody in the background laughed. It was one of the wolves.

I turned back to face them, my eyes a vibrant purple. That one glance

silenced the room.

“You must learn control, Serena.” Ferris said.

“Apparently I’m not alone in that.” I kept my eyes to the room,

not changing my glare. My eyes remained purple.

“Nobody ever is.”

“I’ll alert the Master of our meeting,” Colette said as she

dashed ahead in a blur of blonde hair and renaissance attire.

“Cheetah,” I called. The man walked forward toward me.

“Yes.” He said. There was an angry tone to his voice, upset at

my control over him maybe.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Aiden,” He answered, gritting his teeth.

“Aiden,” I repeated, “Come with us to meet the Master then.” I

looked toward the rest of the room. “The rest of you are not welcome to

come.”

I walked to the doorway, Aiden following close behind.

“What gives her the right to order us around? Does she think

herself some kind of force to be reckoned with?” One of the wolves asked.

“She’s a flame,” Ferris answered, thinking I couldn’t hear his

words, “You would be wise to think the same.”

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
Emerson
Comment
Emerson commented Comment · Jul 19, 2007

Er, calling him the master isn't too cliché. Or at least, she can continue to do so, imo. I mean, vampire-wise, it is cliché. But also vampire-wise, in almost everything I've read they call the one who makes you master. It's just how it is.

So, you can keep using it imo Jc ^_~ I just thought I'd say so.

User avatar
Twit
Comment
Twit commented Comment · Jul 16, 2007

But you still can't... PLEASE change it! You'll get accused of plagiarism...

Ok, you won't, but maybe you could use another title? "The Leader"? "The One"? "The Teacher"? I don't know, you could keep "the Master", I guess. It's just such a Whovian icon. It's like giving an elf long blonde hair with side plaits.

User avatar
JC
Comment
JC commented Comment · Jul 16, 2007

he has a name, but they dont sa it...

(his name's Osiris by the way.)

User avatar
Twit
Review
Twit wrote a review Review · Jul 16, 2007

The Master???? *screams* You can't do that you cant do that youcantdothat!!!!!

Sorry, but.... you-cannot-have-a-character-called-"The Master".

You can't.

Nix.

Zilch.

Zip.

Zed.

Raxacoricofallapatorius.

You just can't.

I think if you spell-checked this and did a careful proof-read, you'd pick out most of the errors here. Otherwise, it's good. :)

User avatar
Emerson
Review
Emerson wrote a review Review · Jul 16, 2007

I had been so long without light of any form
that I no longer died at night. There was no need, no use to protect me
from the sky.
This confused me.

What we are, is evil.

To drink the blood of a human and bring about death; evil. To
lurk about the night, hunting for prey; evil. To live forever while the rest of
the world must die; evil.
No comma in the first sentence, and in the next section, colons : not semi colons ;

Somebody in the background laughed. It was one of the wolves.
I turned back to face them, my eyes a vibrant purple. That one glance
silenced the room.
I would have liked if she jumped at the were, and attacked him. That shows more strength than a stare down, even for vampires.

I really hate weres. I've just never cared for them...

Typos/errors here or there, a run through by yourself could catch them.

The story is intriguing, but it needs a voice. It's first person, but it just has no life to it. I'm reading it and thinking of the series by Karen Chance, the first book is called Touch the Dark. It does happen to be one of those paperback best sellers, but the story is good, so I've forgiven it for that. The mc isn't a vampire, but if you read it, you might get a better idea of how to bring life to first person. Her characters are amazing, so it might help to see it. But... her writing isn't, so, yeah.

Also, she said she had forgotten her English, I really expected her to start talking, and stumble over her words, or not finish her sentences. Something. Because you tell us she forgets her English, and then she doesn't...? If it weren't for you telling us, I would have known no difference. Not following by what you say is like lying to the reader, or something.

I like that you try and vary the vampire myths. Make it your own.



I'm tired of books having villains who are just villains for no reason.
— EllieMae