Richard, the king of England, a taller man with long silver hair, yes silver hair, sat at a large, cushioned chair and a cluttered desk. Even alone, the king sat with a strait back and squared shoulders. The young king read document after document on the needs and wants of the lords in his kingdom. The fake smiles of the lords sending the request sickened Richard.
Richard did not look up from his work at the nock at the door.
“Come in.”. The door opened to, a shorter light blonde haired woman, walked into the room carrying a tray of food.
“My lord .” The woman curtsied to the king and Richard looked up at the girl.
“Eva.” He said, and the king’s face relaxed ever so slightly. “You know that I prefer it when you call me Richard.” The king said. As childhood friends, Eva called Richard many names, but rarely by his given name.
“And you know that I prefer when you smile.” Eva said, Richard sighed and let a little lift of his lips. Eva nodded and sat down the tray she was holding at the edge of the large desk. She took the document that the king was reading from his hand.
“My Great King, LionHeart,” Eva began to read the document out loud wavering her hand in swirls. “I, Lord of bla blabla, have fought beside you in the great war and served you loyally request for blablabla.” Eva said. “This man is just a stuck up lord wanting more power.” She said. Richard raised his eyebrow.
“You think I don’t know that?” he asked. Richard pick up another document. He rubbed his forehead. Who knew that war would mean so much paper work. Richard threw down the document in defeat.
“Yes I admit, that his man dose not deserve what he is asking me for, but I must keep his loyalty until I can fined a more suitable man than him to take his place.” Richard sighed. The door creaked open and a lady of great elegance draping with gold jewelry stood in the door. Her black hair was weaved with gold, a gold tiara sat on her head, She wore a emerald dress with gold in embroidery. She looked weighed down from all the gold.
“Navarre.” Richard said, his face hardening back into his composed expression. “What brings me the pleasure of your visit.”
“Your majesty.” She curtsied and entered the room. “I have come to see you at work. I am disappointed to see an unwelcome distraction. As your fiancé have come to ease your pain and burden.” Richard almost laughed as Eva mimicked Navarre from behind. She looked back at Eva, glaring ever so slightly. “Lady Aquitaine.” Navarre nodded her head at Eva.
“Princess Navarre.” Eva said, almost with a sigh. She then curtseyed to the King, “Your Majesty.” and left the room. Richard knew that the relationship between Eva and Navarre was a bit…unstable, but the alliance between the two countries was needed for future of England. Richard watched as Eva left the room, her light blue dress swaying slightly.
“That sorcerer does not know her place and nothing of hard work.” Navarre turned to Richard. “And perhaps I may be a little jealous.” Navarre said, she sat down on the king’s lap, her brown eyes never leaving his blue. She put her hand on the king’s face. Richard grabbed her hand and held it away from him. Navarre reminded him of a snake, sly and slippery.
“Her father is a high raking noble, she is a powerful sorcerer and is the headmistress of the Lady Mages. You mustn’t speak like that.” Navarre humped and left the king’s lap.
“I have a message for you, the elders have come to the concussion that the wedding shall be held in ten days.” Navarre said, and Richard was tempted to sigh.
“Thank you for informing me. I would like to get back to work now.” He’d rather work then have Navarre nag him. Navarre curtsied and left the room. Richard did not particularly like Navarre, in fact he thought that she was too entitled, but the Treaty between England and Long Hong was needed. However, Richard would never admit it himself, but his heart belonged to someone different completely.
Richard left his chair and went to the window behind him. He spotted Little John training the newest recruits of the battle school. Another knock at the door.
“Come in.” Richard said, rather annoyed
“My King, we have a situation.” A man said breathing hard.
“Alain O’Dale. What can I do for you?” Richard asked turning to Alain. Alain fiddled with his hands, and sweat dripped from his face.
“Um… How do I say this. The castle is under siege.”
“What? Under siege!”
“Um… Yes. One more thing,” Alain pursed his lips. “Prince John demands your surrender.”
“Brother! Brother!” A young boy ran into his older brother’s room. He jumped onto the couch next to his brother. He held up his hands clamped together.. The infectious smile of the boy brought a grin to his older brother’s face. “Look! Look! Look what I found in the garden!”
“What is it Richard?” He said putting down his book. Richard opened his hands and puff out his chest to display a orange butterfly.
“What kind of butterfly is it brother?” Richard asked, showing off his missing two front teeth.
“This a monarch butterfly, Richard. What a wonderful catch, I will call a servant to bring a jar and you can keep it.”
“No brother it is for you! Happy Birthday.” John smiled and pulled Richard into a hug.
“Thank you so much. Are you ready for cake?”
“Yes! Yes!” Richard grabbed John’s hand and dragged him to the door. Prince John’s laughs could be heard thought out the palace.
“What shall we do?” Alain’s word’s brought Richard back from his happier days.
“Tell me how this happened.” Richard ordered.
“These creature came from out of the woods from all sides. There were to many to do anything about it.”
“Wait you called them creatures?”
“Yes, the army is not made out of men. They are some sort of shadow. Prince John led the army. They now demand your surrender.”
“The castle is surrounded?”
“Yes.”
“Quickly, alert all of the sorcerers. Tell them to start the defense plan now.”
Robin gazed into the distance, golden wheat covered the hills and the green of Sherwood forest, comforted Robin. Lost in thoughts Robin failed to notice young boy approach.
“Lord Robin, how are the inspections going? Are the battle ranks to your pleasing?” the young solder asked Robin. He turned to look at the solder, noticing the boy for the first time.
“Peter of Sherwood.” Robin recognized him. The younger brother of Megan of Sherwood the children of the old sheriff sir Edward.
“You remembered!” The boy beamed, Robin returned his previous endeavor of staring into the distance.
"Good work.” Robin said, his eyes glued to the distance.
“Thank you, Sir!” The boy saluted Robin, and left him to ponder the skyline alone, once again. Robin was happy that most of Loxely and the surrounding land stood the same as before the war. The farms and Sherwood made Robin feel nostalgic.
Movement in the distance caught Robin’s attention. As it got closer, Robin could make out a fast approaching horse and rider. A green cloak that billowed behind the rider, informed Robin of the man’s station on the look out tower a few miles out. Everyone knew that it was bad when the sentries came to town.
“Will! Over here!” Robin nodded in the direction of the rider. Will’s eyes narrowed when he saw the man in the distance. Will’s brown eyes showed a hint of fear.
“A messenger?” Will asked. “He’s riding at a full gallup.”
“Open the gates!” Robin yelled to the gate keeper. The gate slid open just in time for the horse and rider to streak though. The man jumped off his horse before he had time to stop.
“I need to see Lord Robin!” the messenger looked ragged, his cloak torn and bloody, his sword missing and his arm was limp at his side.
“You need medical attention, I’ll take you to the infirmary.” One of the solders said. The man pushed the solder aside.
“No! I must see the Lord!” He scanned the crowd for someone to help.
“I’m here.” Robin said.
“My Lord,” the man knelt, “I regret to inform you, the Watchmen Tower has fell, I am the only one who made it out.”
“What?!” Will spoke out. “How could that have happened?” The Watchmen Tower was equipped with the best weapons of defense and some of Loxley’s greatest fighters. Robin held up his hand.
“Let the man speak.”
"We fought, but there was no way to kill them… They-they slaughtered us. We held them off as long as we could… I was sent to warn you, my lord. They are on their way right now, Lord you have to leave.” The messenger fell but Robin caught him before he hit the ground. Something bothered Robin, an invading army? Right now, after a war? All the lords were low on resources and men. Robin’s eyes narrowed. It must be Gisborne, no one other than him would dare to wage war with Robin. Gisborne was one of the few lords to not go to war.
“Who is leading the army?” Robin asked. The messenger shook his head.
"No one was leading the army, they attacked erratically… They were like… wild animals.”
“You say you could not slay them?” Will asked. The messenger nodded. No leader, wild animals, undying? Robin had seen a lot of things, in war no one ever saw what the expected and always saw what they did not expect, and now something he did not except when exepting the non-excepting.
"Alert the knights!" Robin barked."Archers take your places! Solders arm yourself." Chaos broke out as the men ran to take up their weapons and find their places. The messenger grabbed Robin with a bloodied hand.
"No my lord." The man whispered his voice ruff and weak. "You can’t, fight them. All of the sentries at the tower were killed. I am the last one, and we did not kill one of those... things. We stand no chance. My lord you have to leave, before it is too late." The messenger's hand dropped and his eyes lost all life. Robin's blood boiled, the man's face was young he looked about twenty. He left so much behind, his family, the rest of his life. Robin shook his head he would not leave this man's family and the rest of the Loxley residents to die while he fled like a coward. Robin had been to war and he knew about necessary sacrifice, but he was not willing to loose Loxley.
"Robin!" Will yelled, he pointed into the distance. A black mob approached Loxley at alarming pace. Robin would find away to kill those things.
"Get the solders out to defend the outer village! Now!" Robin ordered. The soldiers marched out of the walls and prepared to face their enemies. "Evacuate all of the people into the inner walls." Men ran to obey Robin, alarm bells rang, people flooded the streets bringing their families to the walls wanting safety and security. Robin could now see the creatures. The creatures looked like shadows with dimension and features. They carried swords, axes, lances and spears. Robin saw no leader, all of the men were on foot, none on horse back. As the creatures got closer the archers nocked their bows.
“Ready!” The head archer said. The archers drew back their bows and aimed. "Fire!" All of the archers released their arrows at the same time. A deadly rain of arrows hailed down on the creatures. Arrows whistled down on the enemy, hitting mark after mark. The arrows did nothing. More arrows were fired, nothing seemed to be different. The creatures clashed with the soldiers.
They attacked viscously, like animals just as the messenger had said. Men shouted orders, weapons were made ready and most of all they were desperate. Robin's men met with the creatures head on. The sight was devastating the solders stood no chance. War.
Robin froze. His breathing quickened, and the devastating sight swallowed Robin whole.
Blood covered Robin’s pale trembling skin. He stared down at a young boy's blue eyes.
"No!" Robin said. This arms shook, his sword lay on the ground. His quiver out of arrows. Just as a tear left Robin's green eyes, the life left the boy's blue eyes. Robin!
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Chapter 4 BondingPoints:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hi there!
Okay, so the first thing I want to point out is that while Richard the Lionheart did have older siblings, John was actually his younger brother. You may have chosen to Honestly, I think the scene you show between them, from their boyhood, would still work in reverse, with Richard the elder (as he was in real life) and John the younger. It might even be more poignant, because Richard would be remembering John as this cute little kid who grew into a man who now hates him and constantly tries to steal the kingdom back.
MOVING ON.
Was there supposed to be a scene break in here?
Because we were with King Richard, but then all of a sudden we were with Robin. I'm guessing you probably had a scene break, and then YWS messed with your formatting when you published. That threw me for a minute, but I figured it out in the end! I really liked seeing Robin show up, because usually all we see of Robin is him fighting the Sheriff of Nottingham's injustices while King Richard's off in the crusades. So to see them both back in England together afterward - at least, I'm guessing it's afterward? - is really fascinating.
I also love Eva.
Gee, I wonder who Richard's heart truly belongs to... I can't wait to see more of her.
Wow, I only just noticed this was chapter 3. Honestly, it felt like an opening chapter - Richard was described for the first time (it seemed) and we had a moment of normal life before the action started. Guess I'll just have to go back and read the previous chapters.
I thought the suddenness of the attacks was a little weird. Or rather, the fact that these old military men - King Richard, Robin - didn't question it.
"Sire! The castle is under siege!"
"What do you mean, the castle is under siege? How did shadow beasts get right up to our gates without anyone noticing? What the heck do I employ you guards for?"
Because normally you'd know a siege was coming, or you'd see the attacking army from a distance before they appeared. Even if this was sudden because of the nature of this army - freaky shadow beast things who can actually sneak up on a castle that quickly - I just felt like someone ought to at least question how that could happen.
Finally, more description would be nice! You sort of described the characters, but right now I'm more interested in the battles. Like here.
It's fine and well to say "and all the men were slaughtered and Robin was horrified," but the readers will feel it more if there's more detail. What does he see? Hear? Smell? Does he have any hope at all that they can win, only to be crushed by the apparent invincibility of these beasts? Does he dive in, or just watch from a distance? Do the people judge him later for not diving into the fray? Does it give him PTSD-style flashbacks to the Crusades? I want to know some of these things.
Thank you for your review, you are so right, I did not think about the suddenness of the attack, thank you. I am glad you like Eva, I love her too! I will have to rewrite most of this chapter. The battles are week, thank you for bring that to my attention. Thank you, your review helped a lot!
~Iris Rose
Hey! So here are some of my corrections of your really awesome story, "No Time to Rest"
Your sentence:
"Alert the knights!" Robin barked."Archers take your places! Solders arm yourself." Chaos broke out as the men ran to take up their weapons and find their places. The messenger grabbed Robin with a bloodied hand.
My corrections to this sentence shown in parenthesis ()
"Alert the knights!" Robin barked. "Archers take your places! Sold(i)ers arm yourselves."
Your sentence: "No my lord." The man whispered his voice ruff and weak.
My correction: "No my lord." The man whispered(,) his voice ruff and weak.
Your sentence: Robin's blood boiled, the man's face was young he looked about twenty.
My correction: Robin's blood boiled(.) (T)he man's face was young(.) (H)e looked about twenty.
Your sentence: "Robin!" Will yelled, he pointed into the distance.
My correction: "Robin!" Will yelled(.) (H)e pointed into the distance.
Your sentence: Men ran to obey Robin, alarm bells rang, people flooded the streets bringing their families to the walls wanting safety and security.
My correction: Men ran to obey Robin (while) alarm bells rang(.) (P)eople flooded the streets bringing their families to the walls(.) (T)hey wanted safety and security.
Your sentence: They attacked viscously, like animals just as the messenger had said.
My correction: They attacked (viciously)(no comma) like animals(,) just as the messenger had said.
Your sentence: The sight was devastating the solders stood no chance.
My correction: The sight was devastating(.) (T)he solders stood no chance(!)
Your sentence: Robin froze. His breathing quickened, and the devastating sight swallowed Robin whole.
My correction: Robin froze. His breathing quickened, and the devastating sight swallowed (him) whole.
Your sentence: "No!" Robin said. This arms shook, his sword lay on the ground. His quiver out of arrows. Just as a tear left Robin's green eyes, the life left the boy's blue eyes. Robin!
My correction: "No!" Robin (cried). (H)is arms shook(.) (H)is sword lay on the ground (and he realized his) quiver (was) out of arrows. Just as a tear left Robin's green eyes, the life left the boy's blue eyes. Robin!
This story is so dramatic and suspenseful! Thank you for sharing it and hopefully my corrections will help you.
Thank you so much! I am so glad you think my story is awesome! Your corrections have helped me! Thanks again!
~Iris Rose