z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Chapter 4 Bonding

by Irislillygray


Hello! Iris here for a quick author's note!)

I am so sorry this chapter took so long! I just could not write it like I wanted. So I decided to upload it anyway, so it is a little sloppy. Thanks for sticking with me!

~Iris

“Robin!" Robin blinked. Connor stood in front of him looking concerned. "This is no time to be spacing out!” Robin shook his head, and tired to focus. The chaos around him, made it hard for Robin to think. Wounded men cried out, blood was spilt. Robin could smell it all around him, the iron like smell of the dead.

“Connor!" Robin said as he grabbed the old man’s shoulder."Leave now!" Battle was bloody, many died and Connor was in no condition to fight. No one really ever was.

“Lord Robin, listen to me! You must run! Our men cannot hold the creatures back!” Conner yelled. Robin shook this head. What leave? Robin had made the mistake of leaving men behind, once. He would not do it again. His heart ached as he remembered the faces of the men that had been left behind, he remembered everyone of them, sacrificed for the sake of the greater good.

“I stay.” Robin’s attention was pulled to Will who was running toward them. His battle axe in his hand.

“What is the problem?” Robin asked. Will had always been an easy person to read, but Robin could not understand his expression. Was it sorrow or fear, or maybe dread?

“The front lines are falling, I would say that we need to surrender, but I don’t think that they have given us a choice. They don’t seem to have minds, I don’t think they would let us surrender” Will gulped. “I know your not going to like it… But, I have arranged a escape for you.”

“No." Robin could see no advantage to him leaving. “There is no tactical logic in that decision. Me leaving would put Loxley at a disadvantaged”

“Excuse me.” A soft voice interrupted. Robin turned around and looked a down at the servant girl with red hair. “I think that is the longest sentence you have spoke sense arriving at Loxley. Good for you!” Robin recognized her, the cook, who did not seem to understand status.

“What?” Robin glared at her, his eyebrows nit. Anyone in their right mind would turn away from Robin's murderous glare. But Addylinne DeLine was not scared, behind Robin's fierce gaze she could see, the slight traces of fear and sadness. It is not often that one finds someone that can understand you with just one look. Robin had found that one person, A average sized girl, with green eyes and fiery red hair.

She reach out and grabbed his hand and she started to drag Robin away. “Get off me!” Robin yanked his arm from the girl’s grip.

“She has a cottage deep in the woods, I have asked her to hide you there.” Conner explained. Robin would not hear of this, he was the lord, a war hero!

“I am not leaving! What makes my life more important than all of your lives? Why am I worth saving but you are not?” Robin yelled. Frustrated he turned from the girl, expecting her to back away from his anger. But much to his surprise the girl ran into him with all of her force, toppling Robin to the ground. Robin rolled over. The girl sat on top of him, pinning him to the ground.

“You will not go back, Robin of Loxley. I am only a servant girl, but I am not stupid.” The girl said.

“Could of fooled me.” Robin muttered. The servant ignored his comment.

“Frankly, your life is not more important then any other life, but, you have the power to do something. You are a Lord, you a symbol to the people, to them you are Loxley. If you survive the people will have hope that you will come back and save him. That is why I am helping you. I know you will come back to your people and save them. So take your respectability upon your shoulders and stop your wining.” Robin looked into her eyes. Mixed in with the sky blue, Robin could see truth. Her words struck him. Did she really believe that he could save Loxley? Something in the back of his mind warned Robin, there was something about this girl, something he had been told, something important. It was on the tip of his tongue. However, Robin decided to put trust in this strange, girl.

“Fine, I shall go with you.” The girl smiled at him.

“You are not trying to trick me, are you?” Her bright smile teased him. It almost washed away dark the darkness swallowing Robin. How could this bright girl be bad?

The servant got off him and offered Robin a hand, then they stared forward again, together.

“Wait.” Robin said, “Tell me your name.” She smiled.

“It’s Addylinne, but you can call me Addi.” Robin fallowed Addi to the stables were two horse were saddled.

“Robin!” Much ran to them, his sword at his side. “I am coming with you.” He said. Robin nodded, Much was no warrior and is would do no good to leave him in Loxley.

“No, I have only prepared two horses, and we don’t have enough time to tack up another horse.” Addi said, shaking her head, gesturing to the horses.

“We’ll double up.” Robin said, he did not want to leave his best friend behind. “I’ll ride with you.” He said to Addi.

“Fine, but we need to hurry!” Addi mounted the gray horse and held her hand out to Robin. He took her hand and mounted behind the girl.

“Wait, do you know how to ride?” Robin asked the girl. “I think I shou-!” Addylinne spurred the horse into a gallop. Robin was forced to hug her waist to avoid falling of of the horse. Robin then remembered what he had been told. Addi had been liked my Gisborne, Robin’s oldest foe, the person who, Robin thought, might be leading the invasion. There was noting he could be now. He was stuck behind her on a galloping horse

Robin looked back, worried that Much did not notice that they were off. To Robin’s relief Much was right behind them.

“Put that bow of yours to good use, I assume it is not just for decoration?” Addi said.

“My bow wont kill them.” Robin said.

“I know, captain obvious. That’s way we are feeling, but you can slow them down.”

“How do you plan to get past them?” Robin asked.

“They aren’t inside of the Loxley walls, but that wont last for long. I plan on riding so fast that they wont know whats happened.”

“That… is a terrible plan.”Robin said, amazed that she thought it would work.

“Oh, Really? I suppose you have a better plan to get past the unkillable shadow things?” Addi asked, sarcasm dripping off her voice. Robin could not see the girl’s face as they raced though the city streets, and he was glad.

“Do you a lest know where you are going?” He asked her.

“We will be going though the rear gate, Will Scarlet is suppose to open it.” As the gate came into view Robin had second thoughts. Was it really the best plan for him to leave with someone who could be working with Gisborne? What would his people think when they find that their leader had abounded them? There must have been something that he could have done. As the gate opened Robin looked up at Will on the wall.

“Will! Behind you!” Robin said. The shadow creatures had made it over the wall, Robin’s heart sunk. As he fled, Loxley feel. Robin watched helplessly as his cousin fought the monsters off.

“Brace your self!” Addi said. She spurred the horse, taking on an even greater speed. Robin’s attention was pulled away from his cousin, for he feared for his own life. He sat on a horse controlled by a young girl who just might be a little insane, for she charged a hoard of monsters.

“What are you doing?!” Robin yelled.

“Jumping!” She leaned forward and the horse jumped soaring over the monsters. The horse landed, trampling the monsters underfoot. They left the monsters behind and entered the forest. Robin looked back amazed that they survived and to insure that Much had followed them through the monsters. Much looked unsure, but alright.

Addi lead us down a dirt road into the woods. We then turned onto a smaller road, hidden form the view of the main road. Robin glanced back hopping not to see any followers other than Much.

“We have some followers!” Robin said to Addi.

“Well do something about it!” Addi said.

“What?” Robin asked what could he do with a bow that could not inflict harm?

“I don’t know! I thought we already discussed this! Get creative!” Addi said. Robin sighed. He swung his this legs and faced the creatures. Robin shoot an arrow hitting the front most creature between. The creature stopped. It reached up and pulled the arrow out of head and continued on. Robin scanned the surrounding trees, looking for something that could help.

Addi ran the horses hard, it was hard for Robin to find something that would help. Then he spotted it, a pine tree, in the midst of a forest of aspens, oozing sap. An ideal formed in his head.

“Ride as close as you can to that pine tree!” Robin yelled at Addi. She nodded. Robin grabbed a hand full of arrows. He held them out too the tree and as they rode past they arrows were dragged though gooey sap, successfully covering the arrows in the pine sap. Robin held put the arrows in his belt at a angle so to not have them stick to him. He then pulled out his flint and steel, every traveler carried one, he used it to light the arrows covered in highly flammable sap. Robin pulled one flaming arrow out of his belt, one at a time, aiming at the trees around him, giving the trees time to catch on fire as the creatures followed them.

The creatures hesitated at before the fire eating at the trees. Why would the immortal creatures be hesitant of the fire? Robin wondered. Perhaps could they be killed by fire? Then Robin realized it, fire in the woods without someone to control it. Might not have been his best ideal ever. Robin’s worry eat away at him as they made distance between them and the creatures.

“I don’t think they will follow us any more.” Robin said to Addi.

“Great!” Addi said. It started to pour down on them. The fires were doused.

“The universe hates us.” Robin said. “The creatures are following us again!” Robin said. He had found a potential way to kill the creatures, but no way to use it in his rain. The rain socked Robin to the bone.

Addi ran the horses hard. She lead them though the forest expertly. Robin was surprised at how well the horse was doing carrying two riders and having to run so hard, plus the occasional jump over a fallen log. Something whizzed passed Robin and embedded it’s self in a tree.

“Were being shot at!” Robin yelled.

“How far behind us are they?” Addi asked. Robin twisted, as he did an arrow flew at him. He was going to die for sure. Before the arrow hit him Addi turned the horse and the arrow nearly avoided him.

“We are going to jump!” Addi said.

“What!” Robin asked.

“Now!” Addi yelled, she grabbed Robin and pushed him off the horse then she followed him landing on this back. Robin looked to his side seeing Much, he had also jumped off his horse. Robin gowned. Robin turned onto his back.

“Get off me.” Robin told her. She put her finger to her mouth. Robin rolled his eyes and put hiSalon Diana

s head back. The creatures passed right by their hiding spot following the horses on a wild goose chase. Addi got up.

“Thanks for cushioning my fall.” She said smiling.

“Yeah, your welcome.” He muttered rubbing this chest. She brushed off her skirt and held her hand out to him. Robin took her hand. “How did you know that that would work?” Robin asked her.

“I have done it before.” She said, a prideful smile on her face.

“You have been chased by unkillable monsters thought the forest?”

“No, but I have jumped off my horse to trick my followers.”

“When did you do that?” Robin asked.

“It’s a long story… Anyway… Follow me and stick close it is easy to get lost in these woods.”

Much and Robin followed Addi through the woods, they had to climb over rocks, logs, roots and more. They walked for what seemed like a hour and half. Robin liked their walk though the forest. They made their way to a meadow. Sitting in the middle of the meadow was a cottage, it looked to be about three rooms and a small stable. Addi led them to the cottage and thought the front door. Robin took a second to take every thing in. A young boy was staring at them from the work bench, his red hair, was just like Addi’s, like fire. The boy's blue eyes bored into Robin, he felt like sighing, another red head to worry about.

“Addi?” He asked his voice was soft and pleasant. “Who are these guys?” his eyebrows were knit together, a little fear showed on his face. Robin would never admit it out loud, but the boy was cute. He looked to be about thirteen to fourteen.

“Rowan, remember who I work for?” He nodded. “Well this is Robin, lord of Loxley, my master and his attendant, Much.” Rowan’s eyes grew to the size of saucers, just adding to the boy's over all cuddliness. Rowan let a huge smile stretch across his face.

“Hi! Nice to meat you! I am Rowan, Addi’s younger brother.” He stuck out his small hand to Robin.

“Red hair.” He said, he was starting to hate the sight of that fiery red.

“Yup, just like my big sister!” He beamed.

“So, how old are you?” Much asked.

“I am thirteen!” he said. “Mr… what do I call you and your friend?”

“Call me Much, and this is Robin.” Much said.

“Great, now that we are introduced,” Addi said, “How is Mother doing?” Addi asked looking concerned.

“She is fine, I just brought her the medicine.” Addi nodded and gestured for Robin and Much to fallow her.

“Now, my mother is quite sick, has been ever since Rowan was born, so don’t maker her worry too much about the creatures.” Robin nodded. They went trough a door in the back of the room. They came into a dark room with only one bed. In the bed a dark figure shifted.

“Addylinne?” a soft voice came from the figure.

“Yes, Mother?” Addi said softly.

“Who is with you, please uncover the widow so I can see them.” Addi went to a side wall and pulled back a inky, thick curtain. Light flooded the though the room, the dark figure on the bed was illuminated. A woman lay on the bed, her hair was like flowing gold, and her eyes were cobalt blue, her face was fare, with a small nose, full lips and defined cheek bones.

“Mother, this Is Robin of Loxley and his servant Much.” Addi said pointing at the two of them. The woman nodded,

“It’s nice to meat you two, I am, Evellia, Addylinne’s mother.” Robin nodded. “So, why is the Lord of Loxley in my home?” Evellia asked, her eyebrow raised.

“Well... Loxley got attacked so, they will be staying here for sometime.” Addi explained, she started to play with her hair.

“Loxley was attacked? By who? Are you hurt? What happened?” Her mother fired the questions at her, with out taking a breath. Addi explained what happened to Evellia, leaving out the most of the violent parts, and the time when she talked the Lord of Loxley to the ground. When she finished her mother nodded.

“Well, I guess the Lord and his friend will have to stay here for some time.” She said thinking deeply.

“We wont be much trouble.” Robin told her. She smiled at him, her smile was heavenly.

“I’m suer you wont.” She said.

“Well, we will leave you to your rest, mother.” Addi said, opening the door to let Robin and Much out. She took one last look at her mother, she had this feeling that she could not explain. She shook her head, blaming it on her imagination and closed the door.

“Well, My lord,” Addi said to Robin. “You're not going to stay here for free, the horses should be back by now, help me get them settled down and into the stables.”

"The horses? Didn't we leave them in the forest?"

"Yes, but they should be back by now." Addi left the cottage, Robin looked at Much. Much shrugged and followed Addi out of the cottage. Just like Addi had said, her silver horse and Much's horse grazed in the meadow.

"Come along now." Addi said grabbing her horse rains.

"So what's up with his horse? She came back here just like you said she would." Addi nodded. "Her name is Silver, she was given to my father when she was a foul as a result of my father saving the life of a noble, you see my father was a doctor. A noble caught a serious sickness. None of the other doctors could save him, so when my father did, the noble gave him Silver. My father then gave her to me and together we trained and raised her."

"Well, she is very well trained." Addi smiled at her horse as she stroked her nose.

"Thanks so much. It helps that she is a very smart horse. She is an Arabian, her parents where shipped across the seas.” She turned and lead the horse into the stable. We brushed and fed the horses while Much ran to get water from the wheal for the horses. Robin could tell that Addi loved her horse very much as he watched her care for her horse.

“Addi-“ Robin was interrupted by a scream from Much. Robin ran out to see what was happing, Addi on his heels. Robin gasped as he watched two Creatures coming from the woods.

“I thought you said we would be safe here!” Robin said to Addi.

“I thought so too!” Addi responded.

Robin pulled his sword from it’s scabbard and charged. The familiar sound of the metal on leather made Robin cringe. The sound ringed in his ears, Robin shook his head dispersing the bloody thoughts of war. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Much clumsily unsheathing his sword too. Robin did not even know why Much carried a sword. Much would not be too much help in this fight. Fighting two unkillable creatures would not end well.

Robin’s eyes found Addi, pulling a short sword out of her skirts.

“You can fight?” Robin asked.

“I am a modern woman, of course I know how to fight.” She said, “But when I say fight, I really mean is, I have a sword and I know how to swing it.” She said. “What could go wrong?” She said, no fear in her eyes. It was rare to see a person enter a battle to the death with no fear, the only people who could do that are the insane and the inexperienced. Neither choice a good one.

Robin’s stomach flipped at the sight of the weapons. He hated fighting, once he loved it. Every fight gave him a rush, but he went to war.

The creatures advanced, one carried an axe and the other a sword. Robin engaged with the creature with the axe. Robin was surprised to find that the fight was easy. It was easy for Robin to block the blow and easy to get his own hits in. But the creature had time on it’s side. Robin one lucky hit and Robin would bleed. Red crimson blood.

Robin had seen rivers that color, flow from battle fields. The fumes of rotting bodies would make the air toxic to breath. Too many to make enough graves for them all. Too many to be identified. Robin never wanted to see that haunt his vision again.

Robin was so focused on finding a way to defeat the creature, he forgot all about Much and Addi tell he heard a scream. He wanted to see what happened, but he could not turn around whale fighting the creature. So he knocked the ax away from the creature. It went flying. In the moment of confusion for the creature, Robin was going to see what happened but, flame burst past Robin and slammed into the creature. It shirked and withered as the fire burned it. Robin stared in aww. Fire! The fire turned the creature into dust.

Then he saw her. He stepped closer to her, he felt like he was swallowing his heart. He stepped into a puddle of blood, the grass died the color of death. He saw him in her. Her green eyes melted to blue and her hair turned drown.

“No! Nononono!” Tiers fell freely, slowly pooling up in the young boy’s face. Robin hugged the boy to his chest. Letting build of grief free.

“Robin,” Much said softly, his hand resting on Robin’s shoulder. “He’s gone. He died a hero.” Robin shook his head.

“He did not die a hero!” Robin yelled. “He was a sacrifice! He was sent to fight a war that was not his! A war for those that will never taste the death they sow.”

“The battle is over Robin.” Much said, his kind. “Let him go.” Much said. Robin looked up into his best friend’s eyes.

“Why?” He asked, poring his broken heart into the word he spoke. “Why?”

That was long! I am impressed you made though it! Hopefully the next chapter will be better. I really would like you all to comment. I need it for this chapter! I know your comments can help me make this chapter wonderful!

Thank you!

~Iris


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Sat Dec 30, 2017 12:42 am
Steggy wrote a review...



Hello, Steggy here for a review! I haven't read the previous chapters so if I get anything wrong, let me know.

First off, I would suggest making this chapter a bit shorter since, with shorter ones, the reader can easily pick up where they left off/continuously reading a singular chapter just to get to the main point. The average chapter of a novel is roughly ~1500 words and within those words, it should be clear to what you are trying to point across to the reader.
Another thing is the dialogue. I'm not sure of the reviewer below mentioned it but when someone new is speaking or a new scene is unfolding, you should create a new paragraph. It is like a camera moving to another shot in a movie; you don't want to confuse the reader with who is speaking because what could be said, might have an effect on that character if that makes sense.
Another thing with dialogue is you should try to express the character of them through how they speak. Sometimes this is challenging because most of the time we don't know how they speak but only how they sound to us. A suggestion I have on here would be look up some descriptions of voice and use that when someone is speaking.

Since it seems like the beginning of this chapter, they are in a middle of a huge fight, I wouldn't expect them to just stop and have a casual conversation but instead, probably have Connor, as he is fighting, yell at Robin to snap out of it. Another thing to keep in mind is when someone is having a thought, you should try to show that it is a thought to the reader.

Robin is an interesting character. He's stubborn but caring towards men. You should shine some more light on that in a later chapter or something. And the servant girl, I feel, might be a love interest. Or, a really good friend.

Robin fallowed Addi to the stables were two horse were saddled.


'fallowed' should be followed and 'were' should be 'was'.

I feel that this chapter could be broken up into two parts. Right after Robin and Addi hop onto the horse and afterward seems like a good place to have a second part, mostly because it has the right amount of plot to advance forward if that makes sense. Another thing is even though you probably mentioned it before, it wouldn't hurt to describe the characters again. Like, show their facial expressions and hair movement in certain situations. That way it can paint a picture for the reader and help them envision the characters a bit better.

The ending of this was quite interesting, also. I'm guessing it is an illusion of some type and the bit of flashback kind of shows Robin's history a bit more.

Overall, I really liked this chapter! I'm excited to see what'll happen next for the fateful warriors. If you have any questions, let me know!

Steggy




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Sat Dec 30, 2017 12:10 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I thought I'd drop by for a quick review this Review Day, since this piece has been sitting in the Green Room for far too long.

This was genuinely engaging. Even though I jumped right in chapter 4 without reading previous parts, and there are definitely some stylistic things you need to work on, you captured my attention so well it didn't feel like this part was too long at all.

So, this is based off of Robin Hood, right? Because Robin is Robin of Loxley and it seems like the bad guy is Sir Guy of Gisbourne... the only missing is Maid Marian, who may or may not be Addi. But then you've clearly added magic and all kinds of cool creatures, so you've definitely expanded upon it and what you've added is really interesting.

My biggest complaint is that frankly, this clearly wasn't proofread. As Radrook said, you have a lot of typos of the sort that wouldn't show up in a spell-checker because they're actually words, but the wrong word to use in that place. Make sure you go back through and carefully read each sentence and paragraph, even if spell-check says there's nothing wrong with it. The consistent errors really distracted from the story.

“Great!” Addi said. It started to pour down on them. The fires were doused.

There were a few places where I thought you moved too fast, and this was one of them. "It started to pour" feels like a sudden jerk, because in real life it never goes from perfectly sunny to pouring in a matter of seconds (and since you hadn't said that it was cloudy before, I assumed it was sunny). Now, if it's supposed to be magic used against them, or if the clouds had been gathering for the past several minutes, then having it start to rain and quickly turn into a downpour would be logical. But you need to slow down and describe that As it is, that whole section with them running away logically has to have taken at least half an hour, from their first escape to getting away from the ones that were following them. But the pacing of the story makes it seem like it only took a minute or too, and that creates whiplash.

You had the same pacing problem later with them arriving at the farm and later the fight. Although the time between them getting there and the enemies arriving should be at least an hour or so, it felt like barely minutes, and the fight itself went so quickly it was hard to follow what was going on.

The other major problem (which made the too-fast pace even worse) was the lack of setting description. You mention the very basics, like "they ran into the forest" or "they went to the stables," but we don't get to see what the forest or stables are like, and it makes the story not nearly as immersive as it could be. Same with the battlefield - I didn't know where any of them were on the battlefield or where the enemy was or what the enemy looked like. It creates confusion. Although "unkillable creatures" pursued them for the whole chapter, I have no idea what color they are or even how many limbs they have. I was also confused if humans were in the enemy army at all, or just these creatures.

I think I'll leave it at that! Your plot and characters are really interesting, and you're already good at keeping suspense high and grabbing the reader's attention. Just be careful to pay more attention to detail and watch your pacing, and you'll have a solid chapter. Good luck, and keep writing!




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Sun Nov 12, 2017 2:50 am
Radrook wrote a review...



First, I enjoyed reading this adventurous story. You have a very vivid imagination and an ability to keep a reader interested. You certainly kept me reading which is a good thing and very essential. I get the impression that it is taking place in some mystical land such as is common in the Lord o Rings.'

I like the girl Addi and her brave female personality. Found it cute that she topple Robin over and sat on his chest. Also that he had to hold on to her waist in order to stay seated on the horse. LOL!

Not much is said about Much so he remained more of a name than anything else. He would dissapear from view and suddenly reappear as if by magic. How far behind him the creatures were is not mentioned. Don't know how he was thinking while the creatures were on his heels.

I wondered how Robin could do all the things he did, such as getting the arrows ready and firing them while holding on the Adi's waist. I figured he would fly right off the horse if he let go. So that was a bit hard to imagine. Also I wondered why he would use fire when he said that fire never harmed the creatures.

Also, it is hard to imagine the creatures not seeing them jump off the horses and not noticing that the horses had no riders.

The scene at the cottage was nice and the description of the brother and mother were very interesting. I especially liked how both Addi and her brother had red hair. But then I wondered how could the mother and the boy be so calm in a place where creatures are roaming around killing people? Made me wonder since the mother seemed surprized to hear about it even though she knew Lord Robin the warrior and a siege was going on not that far away.

Addi doesn't know that the creatures would follow the horses there?

The final battle with the creatures I found confusing. Who is it that was killed? Who killed the creature? What happened to the other creature? What happened to Addi? What is the other creature doing while Much and Robin talk?

It was still an entertaining story. Just needs some minor adjustments.

Suggestions:
Careful with homynyms such as "meat"and "meet" and words that are close in in spelling such as "were"and ""where" "hopping"" and "hoping" "since" and "sense" "this"and "his".

Example: “It’s nice to meat you two,...."

Careful with placing an "a" before a word starting with a vowel.
"an average" ""an apple" "an infant" "an orphan" "an effect"

Also careful in changing POV. Sometimes the story shifted from omniscient to first person plural "we" as narrator.

This article will help with punctuating dialogue:
https://www.thebalance.com/punctuating- ... ng-1277721






Thank you so much for the review! I never notice any of those plot holes, better go change them... I will keep them in mind for the next chapter. I hope you will review that one two! Your comments made me so fluffy! Thank your for taking the time to read my story! Thanks again!
~Iris



Radrook says...


Will read the next one as well. This one was very entertaining.



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Sun Nov 05, 2017 11:45 pm
SnowGhost says...



The chapter didn't seem too long for me because I was so invested in the story. Awesome job :D






AWWW! You make me feel so happy! Thank you for the comment!
~Iris




Edna began to feel like one who awakens gradually out of a dream, a delicious, grotesque, impossible dream, to feel again the realities pressing into her soul.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening