Vincent

just letting everyone know this is a fairly old piece of writing that i wanted to share lol

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the possessed S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Vincent decides that he’ll go for a short walk in the blizzard. What was supposed to be a short walk turns into a blazing nightmare, and before he knew it, he was dead.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - The word “thought” makes me think of past tense, but if you want to keep it, then that’s fine.

Chocolate Bar - I love how despite everything, Vincent is hopeful that he’ll live. It’s true to his character in the story “The First Visit” when he’s seemingly always cheerful. It makes his death so much sadder because he’s clinging onto hope that he’ll get out of the blizzard.

Closing Graham Cracker - A sorrowful tale of an individual with optimism meeting his end, a tale of a life lost in a world of cold. Hopefully he’ll find some happiness in death, even if he is destined to haunt the asylum.

I wish you a beautiful day/night! ^v^

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this is a heartbreaking little tale, someone heading out probably to a destination that they can never really hope to find judging based on the place the person left from and slowly succumbs to the harsh elements.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

I could go for a walk, I think.

That could never hurt, I think.

It's only a dingy little place, everyone can work it up themselves, I think. So, I go, grabbing my cane and standing up from my chair, cooped in the back of the office, I open the door and leave. I tell them where I am going.

I’ll just be quick! It’s good to get fresh air every once in a while, isn’t it?

Then out of the asylum I go, walking down the broken stone path, the air hits me in an instant, grinding its frigid breath through my skin.

I’ll just go for a stroll in the woods, stay on the path. I’ll be quick, I thought. Down the shabby path, I make my way to the woods nearby. There the path turns to dirt, marked to all the sides with deadened trees, snow clinging to their branches. The occasional gust of wind blowing the snow off the branches and to the ground, I start to walk down the dirt path. It’s silent, the occasional bird chirping or whatever other animal is scurrying around in this weather. So deeper into the woods I go.

It’ll be quick, I think. Limping along the path, pausing every so often, it began to snow. It was pleasant, a sweet drift from the clouds. It shouldn’t snow for long, it shouldn’t at all.

It’ll be quick, it’ll be quick.

I keep walking, with every few steps the wind pushes back harder, the air more frigid than before. I can feel my body start to shake; the freezing air continues to shove against me. The snow doesn’t seem to be stopping, it keeps falling down and down, swiftly covering the ground beneath me. I’ll be quick, just a turnaround, I'm not that far away, just a turnaround. The air keeps beating down harder and harder, it’s covering all sides of the path, its getting harder to see. I wrap my arm over my other; I can feel the snow glaze my body.

I’ll be fast, I have to be fast, I thought, but the winds charged back, the freezing air like daggers to my senses, I'll walk faster, I'll be quicker. But it hit me, the snow covered my tracks, it covered the path.

But I just need to turn around, I think. The snow rages beside me, my sight covered in a sickening white, I wrap both my arms around and hope. Frigid wind and snow beat at my face.

It hurts, I know, feeling the chatter of my teeth; the desperate breaths filled with frozen air. Then it doesn’t, then I can’t feel the tips of my fingers. I don’t have to panic yet, not yet it’ll come back soon. I walk and walk, limping on and on, but my vision gets worse and worse, it's all a painful white.

I can’t feel my hands.

I can’t feel my nose, I can’t feel my ears, I can’t feel my feet.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

I only have a little bit more to go! It won’t be long! Everything will pass! But I should’ve been there minutes ago. How long has even passed?

It hurts, my body hurts. It stings. Everything stings.

The shivering stops. It’s slow. It takes its time.

It’s clearing up! It’s fine! It’s fine!

Then it’s gone entirely. Everything is… slower. It’s fine. It’s almost done with. Time has passed enough now. I’ll just keep walking. I have to keep walking. I do, and the blizzard rages on, but I do too. I will too.

It's pleasant, I thought. It was quiet, but it felt wonderful. The peace that I needed after a while, after the long walk. My eyes started to droop.

Maybe I should give it a rest.

I wouldn’t have gotten far at this speed now. I search, walking about, and after only a few seconds, I find a tree. I can rest here. It’s quiet. I leaned back onto the tree, letting my cane fall to the ground. I slide down slowly, hearing the small crunch of the snow as I sat. I stare for just a moment. It’s pleasant with the breeze out here, isn’t it? The calmness from the storm, it's pretty, actually. The low buzzing of the blizzard, the sheet of white snow… I slinked down to the ground, letting the sheet of snow cover me in a cold blanket. I close my eyes, it’s pleasant, the blanket of snow…

And it all goes dark.

Hi!!

Dropping for a quick review here! I have to say, I really enjoyed reading your story, it's wonderfully written. The way you use our protagonist's internal dialogue to add that tense slightly desperate atmosphere to the entire story and the way everything is foreshadowed is marvellous!

I love how I get the feel that our protagonist is trying to escape something, very desperately, and how they seem to be trying to convince themselves that everything will be alright.

However, I do have two suggestions,

1)

It's only a dingy little place, everyone can work it up themselves, I think.

I only have a little bit more to go! It won’t be long! Everything will pass! But I should’ve been there minutes ago. How long has even passed?

It hurts, my body hurts. It stings. Everything stings.

The shivering stops. It’s slow. It takes its time.

It’s clearing up! It’s fine! It’s fine!

I only have a little bit more to go! It won’t be long! Everything will pass! But I should’ve been there minutes ago. How long has even passed?

It hurts, my body hurts. It stings. Everything stings.

I feel myself slowly growing numb, my vision swims, I sway unsteadily.

The shivering stops. It’s slow. It takes its time.

My vision rights itself, I look up, and I see, the clouds have faded away.

It’s clearing up! It’s fine! It’s fine!