I liked this. I couldn't anticipate where it was going, but I felt guided along the way. Even with changes in time and place, your voice remains consistent.
The canvas tent is iced with October. (I like the use of October to imply the cold and the time)
Winds from Canada find their way
under flaps, into the skin of all of us. ("us all" has better rhythmic qualities)
The radio receives one station.
On Sundays one man in a Russian hat (I like the use of "one" to imply isolation as you describe the few exceptions to it.)
delivers mail. I work all day
to keep the food from spoiling;
no one talks about the war between us
going on in my head. (Perhaps a comma? Is the war really between you, going on in your head, both?)
I send myself letters sometimes,
mostly about myself, or
of missingness. Lying
in the cold, looking at the one post ("missingness"- good choice)
which holds this whole place up, I recall
when—to defy my parents—I slept outside
baled in a flannel sleeping bag.
(In the night there’s no peripheral vision,
just dark and the thought
everything has ended (Good aside)
When I was cold enough to go back
inside I saw my parents on the couch
watching the evening news.
My bed was the warmest it's ever been (it had been)
and when I called you, your voice
was the most comforting thing in the world. (A bit of a hyperbole, but since the rest avoided the treacly, I think it works)
Not much to change. Hope this review helped anyway.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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The title is quite appropriate: it's a reference to Antigone.
As for the rest of your comments, gracias. The effect of that "displaced" part was strictly to displace the reader, because there IS a war going on, both in my head, but, also, outside it. Canadian winds are cold if you're from Texas, trust me. In Texas, we get to, maybe, 40F outside in the winter -- of course, this winter, we have a Canadian coldfront coming down and it's supposed to be one of the coldest winters in Texas history. So...
The "us" -- I often wonder why people get caught up with pronoun usage like, "us" or "we", because it's fairly irrelevant: the point is, me and someone else (multiple or singular is for you to figure out. That, at any rate, is how I see it, so I'm interested to know why you found its elucidation crucial.
As for the ending, I'm not sure how to answer your question. I don't think I know what the question actually is, either. I suppose my only response for it is, "If you don't get it, then I didn't do my job, but I don't know how to fix it."
First of all, I agree with Snoink - the title does suck.
I like how the tent isn't iced with frost or snow, but with October. That first line drew me into the poem and I enjoyed it very much.
Why winds from Canada? Are Canadan winds necessarily cold? Or did you just think it sounded good?
I agree with Worms: "us all" sounds better.
Neat image, but doesn't seem to fit the rest of the piece. I thought during all this that the subject was in a Siberian concentration camp or something... silly and wrong, but still, this part influenced my thought incorrectly and doesn't fit with the rest of the poem.
Who is this "us"? The person you call at the end?
The part about the letters is very strong. Bravo.
Break the line at "missingness".
To defy your parents? Feeling a little teenage angst?
Why was it the most comforting thing in the world? Is the war over?
Pretty good, but the title is silly and pretentious. Change it, please.
The title SUCKED. I thought this was going to be yet another long-winded boring poem. Lucky for you, the poem wasn't -- actually, it was quite interesting. It was a nice personal recollection. I liked it very much.
But the title SUCKED.