Young Writers Society

Hello!:)

Here with a quick review

Wow, I must say - I am impressed, you are so talanted and it is POURING. The way you write, the way you describe things just does something to me, it tickles my soul (in like the best way possible)
I love how you pay attention to the little things, like the dew on the grass and the rabbit and beetle doing their thing. It's like zooming in on a nature documentary.

Overall, this piece makes you appreciate the beauty and wonder of a brand new day and the incredible world we live in. It's like a gentle reminder to stop and smell the flowers once in a while and I think I really needed this reminder, so I must thank you.

And just to end this, rather short I know, review, I want to say one thing - keep writing!
The best of luck

Hi again!

Okay, so the first paragraph, you use the word "it" very generously to the point where I am starting to long for an actual noun. Especially here:

The light it radiated spread gradually across each subject in its path; it lit the earth for all to see. It showed the flowers in all their colour and revealed gems of dew on vibrantly green grass blades. It shimmered on water caught in a web and it woke the weaver from peaceful sleep.

It showed the flowers in all their colour and revealed gems of dew on vibrantly green grass blades.

A cloud gray rabbit twitched its ears in wary search for predators and victuals both.

From treetop the tapped racket of a woodpecker rang out over the scene, dominating the crescendo of music composed by resident avians.

Sound slowly penetrated through where the light had not entered and woke the remaining dozers from rest.

hey hey, Ducklin here for a brief review!! let's get started, shall we?

I have to start off by saying that your talent of describing things in a way that makes the reader feel something is amazing?! If that makes any sense to you.

Although I don't see this as a novel, more like something lyric so u may want to change the range u put your work in.

"A beetle climbed silently over a leaf, knocking off dew and rain to the muddy floor." You may consider changing floor to ground since I think that we are outside.

For the rest I really don't have anything to say, it was amazing!!
Keep on the good work and keep writing,

greetings
-Ducklin

Hello Ichthys! @hannah0528 here for a quick review. Hope it is helpful!



Grows:
"The light it radiated spread gradually across each subject in its path; it lit the earth for all to see."

I didn't really understand this sentence at first. Maybe switch words around a little bit?

Glows:
H o w do you do this? Like, how? It is amazing! Keep writing things like this. I noticed that you marked this as a novel/chapter. Is it going to be a story of sorts, or just a series where you write things like this? Either way, I am excited to see more from you. I can't choose my favorite sentence, but I really liked this one:

" From treetop the tapped racket of a woodpecker rang out over the scene, dominating the crescendo of music composed by resident avians."

I loved it! Keep writing things like this, reading it is like hearing music! Have a good day! I hope to hear more from you!


Sincerely,

@hannah0528

hi, wonderful job!
i think you used amazing descriptions. for example; "Slowly the world rose, awakened from its slumber to a brilliant morning." is great for a description!
please keep writing like this, i believe in you.
i hope you have a good day.