HI.
You told me to read this in order, and so I shall start at the beginning!
Rain pattered on the roof of the house with a soft lullaby,
I almost want to say "like a soft lullaby" because the pitter patter of rain is like its own music, whereas the word "with a soft lullaby" seems to indicate that it carries an additional source of music.
It hit the window panes with harsh noise.
I don't like the words "harsh noise." It doesn't seem to match the lyrical prose that you've set up so far! Maybe you can have some fun and use some other words -- maybe something made up? -- to help convey something stronger?
On the lake ripples spread as the water was replenished from a long drought.
This might just be me being overly Californian, but when lakes get replenished in California after a long drought... which is like always because we're talking about California... when the lakes do get replenished, it looks pretty cool. The lakes, for example, have these colored striations from previous water lines, which give it a certain striped appearance. And the dirt sucks in the water. Anyway, there are a bunch of cool things that happen, and I feel as if you could probably add something like this in the lyrical voice you're going for!
Caught on a spider web, glistening jewels clearly outlined the elegant and hazardous net.
YES. SPIDERWEBS!!!
Though, I admit that I am a bit sad that you didn't describe the spider, lol...
Suddenly, all movement ceased, and a cool silence fell over the scene.
I think this is the stronger ending than the current ending!
I would delete the last sentence...Anyway, hopefully that was helpful??? *scampers off*
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