E - Everyone

A Broken Friendship

I blink my watery dark eyes

Trying to fight back some of these tears.

I just want to hug something maybe like a stuff bear.

Wanting to remove all those fears.

Please, just come back to me, dear.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

I remember how we used to be close,

People had to admit it they saw it the most.

We always ended up doing stuff together

They say that we act like twin sisters.

Talking to each other like no one can bother.

I always want you to know that our conversation always matter.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Remember, how we had the same interest in books?

We always ended up getting hook.

We share the same taste in music.

We always told each other,"Music is magic."

We think so much a like.

There's nothing that we can hide.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

I still remember the touch of your hand.

Do you want me to say that you aren't bland?

I always ended up crying

Losing hope of trying.

I hope one day you come back,

Pulling me away from getting stuck.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Why can't you stay as my best friend?

Why must it come to an end?

I never ever want you to be pulled away.

Please, Can you just stay?

But I guess I dont have a choice...

I dont have the right to say it with my voice.

I just have to see you being taken away.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
sagnik
Review
sagnik wrote a review · Mon Jun 01, 2015 5:48 pm

ausome poem. i like the feeling i have recently parted fom my freind. not really parted but virtually as they have changed their schools. the poem is so good.the way you said that now u dont have the voice and explained the stuffs u did ogther people called u twin sister. its a good poem. just it needed few more sweet and emotional words. then one needed not to creep into it it will go just in ones shelf. congrats on a good work

User avatar
rainforest
Review

Hey there! CaptainSalty here with a review.

I did indeed like this poem, especially the concept of it. Yet, there are some nitpicks coming for you.

You have a nice start, 5 stanzas, good rhyme scheme. Next stanza, wait, there are six lines, and the rhyme scheme is different than the first stanza? Let's keep going.

The rhyme scheme is way out of whack and the stanzas are too, which also throws off the rhyme scheme.

And the whole,

"Music is magic."
seemed very boring and highly unnecessary. Either get rid of it, or try spice it up a bit.

Otherwise, I do like this poem. It's very simplistic and and short. I do want to see more of your poems. Don't give up and always write, ILoveBooks123!

-CaptainSalty

Thanks for the review! I appreciate your critics. It just my format by the way. I simply like that to happen :) anyway I still appreciate it though. Thanks. I still need to practice more.



I should infinitely prefer a book.
— Mary Bennet, Pride and Prejudice