Cover art for Tired

Tired

by ILikeTrains666

Published January 16, 2025

12+

In Poems

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I'm sad but too tired to cry

I'm not okay but too tired to lie

I want to flee but too tired to run

I'm bored but too tired to have fun

I need help but too tired to ask

I wanna hide it but too tired to mask

I need to rest but too tired to relax

I’m so weak but too tired to collapse

I'm tired but too restless to sleep

Everything seems too bleak

And bleeker

As I fall deeper

And deeper

And deeper

Into a hole

That I can't control

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Ardor
Review
Ardor wrote a review Review · Jan 19, 2025

Honestly, I wish I liked it more than I do. There is a lot of potential here, and aside from the typo "bleeker" (should be bleaker), I don't think anything is technically wrong with this poem. My main issue stems from its repetition, and whilst repetition is a very useful tool to use, for me it over-compensates from a lack of ideas. Quite simply, it's a poem about being tired, and nothing really more than that. In theory, nothing wrong with it, but it really could do with something more explorative of deeper emotions. It's a good effort, though.

User avatar
herb
Review
herb wrote a review Review · Jan 17, 2025

hello iliketrains666, i'm here to review your poem.

it's definitely saying something-- through exauhstion and inability to do something, but i'm not sure what you're trying to say here-- sure, you are too tired to do all these things that you want to do, but what else? what else are you feeling, other than tired? how does it make you feel? is it sludging you, chaining you, are you forever chained to this exauhstion? some things to think about.

you play around with a rhyme scheme, which can definitely help many poems, but i think this poem could benifit from a bit of a more free verse approach. i.e

i'm sad,
but too
tired to cry,
not okay,
but too
tired to lie,

or something along that formatting.

i love the message here, but there's so much more to say here. i think it's touching something that you want to say, truly, but you need to dig into your soul. the raw and nitty-gritty is what i think could just. elevate this, to another level.

definitely a fun read, thanks.

-eulogy

User avatar
ash120819
Review
ash120819 wrote a review Review · Jan 17, 2025

hi! ash here :) this short little poem has a lot of depth beyond the words on the page. well done :)

i don't know much about rhyme schemes but this one seems pretty solid, i'm pretty sure it's a AABB, and breaking that rhyme scheme near the end was a really cool choice. i see it as the narrator is too tired to keep up the rhyming, and the lines get shorter. it's really neat :)

the message is something i really relate to as well. i have a lot of emotions that im simply too drained and exhausted to even express, so i just end up bottling everything and dealing with it, which is perfectly captured by this poem.

my only criticism is in the line where you say "and bleeker". it's just a little typo but thats all i have to give a little critique on honestly. this poem is really well done.

overall, amazing work. i'd love to see more of your poetry. keep it up trains!

love, ash



I see no reason to celebrate the random timing of natural events by eating poison and singing.
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