Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Ten-Year-Old Necromancer: Chapter Eleven, Part Two

by Horisun


I follow her finger to the grave. My gaze slides off into the darkness. I glance back at Jasmine, partially shrouded by my hair. She stands, unwavering, a stark contrast to the shivering cowards behind her. The redhead has already shrunk back into the trees, his glassy blue eyes flashing from the bushes.

I smile. If Jasmine wants a talent show, she’ll have to catch me first.

For a moment, the world stands on its head. I’m surrounded by a tapestry of stars, all swirling around me in blurs of light. Then, I’m flying down the hill, my feet barely touching the ground. I’m hurling towards my death, but I’ve never felt more alive.

There’s a tree looming ahead. With every step, it grows larger. I barely scrape by it, only for another to sprout up before me. A twig catches my hair, and nearly rips it from my skull. Valuable time oozes through my fingers as I struggle to undo it.

My curls fall into my hands, free. But now, it’s too late. Cold, sharp fingers dig into my arm. The pain is like lightning in my veins. I start to yell, but now, their arm is wrapped around my head, suffocating me.

Too far, Jasmine. I think, struggling against her grasp, panic pounding against my chest, too far!

“Hey! Let go of her!”

My heart stops. I contort myself to see Jasmine and her friends standing at the base of the hill. It all comes crashing down on me. If she’s not the one who grabbed me, then I know who is.

I wrap my hand around the arm and tear it away from my head- if only for a moment.

“Run!” I scream.

The undead tries to drag me back into the trees. I dig my feet into the dirt and mud. I kick at its legs, where I can.

I realize that the other kids must be throwing rocks because one slams into my side. Dozens more rain down, but the undead doesn’t cry out once.

I try to pry away. The monster as dragged me so far, I can’t see the hill anymore. I’m lost in the woods, again.

And grandmas not coming to save me.

I clench my teeth. My mind is so fuzzy. Stamina leaks from my body like gasoline, and I’m choking out my final breaths before I fall unconscious.

The crocodile, the hare, the man! Someone in my mind, far, far away screams. My lip trembles, as I close my eyes and search the darkness.

Everything reeks.

The trees melt into oozing slime. The streams run feverishly hot, like the blood of a dying man. The marsh squelches and burps, dead things emerging from the mud as the tide recedes.

The skin melts off the bone. My head burns. With every step I sink deeper into the swamp. I can’t breathe. I never could.

I can see myself, slumped over in the mud. A strange, unearthly calm has washed over me, soothing the fire and fear that blazes through my soul. I observe my corporeal reflection the same way I observed my classrooms frogs; dissecting every detail.

Everyone has a general grasp of what they look like- black, braided hair and dark skin- objective stuff, what I’m good at. But outside of time, space, and body, my eyes glitter like the night sky above me, and my skin’s the color of trees as the sun sets.

I think, if I hold my breath any longer, a slight breeze will blow me away. If I look down at my hands, I’m afraid there will be nothing at all.

Remember what’s at stake.

The marsh as the sun rises. A cold glass of lemonade on a summers day. Bells ringing and friends laughing.

Flowers bloom with every step. The river cools until its safe to drink. I find that I can breathe again.

I open my eyes.

The undead collapses like a Jenga tower, and falls apart just as easily. I scramble to my feet, away from its broken remains.

“Kim!”

Jasmine collides into me, and we both near topple over into the mud. I wince as my wound flares. My feet slip around for a moment before I find solid ground again.

“That thing was going to kill you! Are you alright?”

Her eyes are open so wide, I’m frightened they might bulge right out of her skull. I finagle my way out of her grasp so I can look her head on.

“I’m fine.”

“Blimey,” says an apparently British kid. I remember him from the supermarket- he was the one wearing the tie-dye shirt. Benjamin was his name. At the moment, he’s on the verge of fainting. He sloshes past me- splashing more mud than is due- and staggers to a halt. “Jasmine,” he said, his voice wavering, “come get a look at this.”

Jasmine scowls and plugs her nose, as those she’s about to dive right in. She’s barely made it past me before she screams.

“Quiet.” Both me and the other boy- Gabriel- say. He offers a good-natured smile.

Jasmine turns, paler than ever. “It’s Mr. Havick.”

“What!” Cries Susan, the final member of the crew. She looks incredulous. Even in the dark, I can tell she’s frowning, like she’s already dismissed Jasmines analysis. “Lemme see.”

The four of them examine the now-dead-undead for several minutes, silent aside from the occasional murmur of dismay.

Jasmine straightens, “It’s him alright.”

“It can’t be!” says Susan, “Why would Mr. Havick try to murder some random kid? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“It’s him alright.” Benjamin whispers. Both girls fall silent. Jasmine drops her arms to her side and inclines her head. Gabriel starts to cry.

“If it makes you feel better, he’s been dead for some time.”

All four of them whirl around to face me, as thought they forgot I was there.

“No! That does not make things better! Not in the slightest!” Susan yells. She storms towards me, and maybe it would’ve been more intimidating if she wasn’t a full six inches shorter than I am. “And he’s not dead! We just saw him walking around like a… like a…. very much alive individual!”

“Oh my god! Did you resurrect Mr. Havick, and he tried to kill you because he was angry for making him a zombie?”

“No, shut up Jasmine.” I say. I push Susan aside and kneel beside the body. It is undeniably human, which might explain why he was so much more difficult to dismantle compared to the alligator.

But was he the one who tried to drown me? Did he send me the album? Why?

“Who was he to you?”

They hesitate to answer. But finally, Gabriel pitches in. His voice wobbles like jelly as he speaks, “He was our science teacher. He disappeared three days after you arrived in town.”

I bite my lip. There’s a pang in my chest, one I’m not used to.

“There were others too.” Jasmine volunteers, “On and off for years. We became a ghost town.”

“He was the first one in years to vanish.” Gabriel says.

“But you haven’t told us what you have to do with it yet.” Susan says, “He was very clearly alive moments ago, and it certainly wasn’t our rocks that got him.”

I decide not to reply to that thinly veiled accusation- only, Jasmine does it for me.

“She didn’t kill him! He was already dead!”

“Oh my god,” Susan snaps, “You’re an idiot! Get a grip, girl. You’re lunatic brain nearly got us murdered by our serial killer science teacher, and now you want to tell me he’s actually a zombie?”

“He is!” Jasmine insists, “And she’s a necromancer!”

“I’m calling the cops.” Benjamin says, fishing through his pockets for his phone.

I bite my lip, wondering if I should stop him.

“We’re going to be in so much trouble,” says Susan, “Out late at night, found with a dead body and a witch-girl. I should’ve never listened to you.”

That’s what you’re worried about?” Jasmine yells, “Our science teacher was murdered!”

“Yeah! By her! But now, we’re all implicated!” She frets.

“I didn’t kill him.”

She whirls to face me, “Oh yeah? I suppose he just happened to drop dead, then.”

I shrug, Jasmine interjects, “She did the same thing with the alligator!”

“Are you implying witch-girl can kill things with her mind?”

“Jasmine,” I say through gritted teeth, “Do me a favor and cut out your tongue.”

My head is killing me. I can barely keep the girls’ fight straight.


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Sat Dec 17, 2022 6:46 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy well this chapter continues to spread and spread and the fact that isn't not quite done even just yet is making me very curious. This is definitely by far the most that we've had happen to Kim in a single night.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I follow her finger to the grave. My gaze slides off into the darkness. I glance back at Jasmine, partially shrouded by my hair. She stands, unwavering, a stark contrast to the shivering cowards behind her. The redhead has already shrunk back into the trees, his glassy blue eyes flashing from the bushes.

I smile. If Jasmine wants a talent show, she’ll have to catch me first.

For a moment, the world stands on its head. I’m surrounded by a tapestry of stars, all swirling around me in blurs of light. Then, I’m flying down the hill, my feet barely touching the ground. I’m hurling towards my death, but I’ve never felt more alive.


Well that was certainly not how I imagined this interaction going there wow, that really escalated rather quickly. On the bright side it looks like Kim is being very seriously about not being caught and she is very much committed to getting away as fast as she can.

There’s a tree looming ahead. With every step, it grows larger. I barely scrape by it, only for another to sprout up before me. A twig catches my hair, and nearly rips it from my skull. Valuable time oozes through my fingers as I struggle to undo it.

My curls fall into my hands, free. But now, it’s too late. Cold, sharp fingers dig into my arm. The pain is like lightning in my veins. I start to yell, but now, their arm is wrapped around my head, suffocating me.

Too far, Jasmine. I think, struggling against her grasp, panic pounding against my chest, too far!


Well I have a feeling whoever is holding onto Kim here quite so tightly and seems quite so intent on squeezing the life out of here isn't exactly Jasmine. She doesn't seem like she has nearly that much power to back up all the threatening that she does.

“Hey! Let go of her!”

My heart stops. I contort myself to see Jasmine and her friends standing at the base of the hill. It all comes crashing down on me. If she’s not the one who grabbed me, then I know who is.

I wrap my hand around the arm and tear it away from my head- if only for a moment.

“Run!” I scream.

The undead tries to drag me back into the trees. I dig my feet into the dirt and mud. I kick at its legs, where I can.


Oh dear, well the worst is coming true here and I am of course screaming. It looks like the whole Dad plan might not actually be getting thrown into motion here but either way it looks like we'll have a turning point in this chapter because this time Kim can't just stand there helplessly for grandma to come get her and there are other kids in here as well.

I realize that the other kids must be throwing rocks because one slams into my side. Dozens more rain down, but the undead doesn’t cry out once.

I try to pry away. The monster as dragged me so far, I can’t see the hill anymore. I’m lost in the woods, again.

And grandmas not coming to save me.


Well that rock throwing plan seems to be a little flawed and not just because it seems to really be having no good effect on the actual monster in question. This is just going from bad to worse and I love the way you're building up the tension here.

I clench my teeth. My mind is so fuzzy. Stamina leaks from my body like gasoline, and I’m choking out my final breaths before I fall unconscious.

The crocodile, the hare, the man! Someone in my mind, far, far away screams. My lip trembles, as I close my eyes and search the darkness.

Everything reeks.


Ooooh this is really going in deep there with the atmosphere. You're really tapping in very strongly to these feelings here and you can really feel it quite strongly here. I love the way you're having this description go from spooky to almost confusing and fuzzy as inevitably that's what it feels like to poor Kim here.

The trees melt into oozing slime. The streams run feverishly hot, like the blood of a dying man. The marsh squelches and burps, dead things emerging from the mud as the tide recedes.

The skin melts off the bone. My head burns. With every step I sink deeper into the swamp. I can’t breathe. I never could.

I can see myself, slumped over in the mud. A strange, unearthly calm has washed over me, soothing the fire and fear that blazes through my soul. I observe my corporeal reflection the same way I observed my classrooms frogs; dissecting every detail.


Well that was quite the rollercoaster moment there, it seems like we were heading towards the epitome of a horrifying moment and then suddenly we're interrupted with a moment of clarity. Its almost also a little double ended here because this reads almost like Kim is having something of an out of body experience or this might just be all within Kim's mind.

Everyone has a general grasp of what they look like- black, braided hair and dark skin- objective stuff, what I’m good at. But outside of time, space, and body, my eyes glitter like the night sky above me, and my skin’s the color of trees as the sun sets.

I think, if I hold my breath any longer, a slight breeze will blow me away. If I look down at my hands, I’m afraid there will be nothing at all.

Remember what’s at stake.


Hmm this really does seem to read like its going to be some sort of out of body experience which would certainly be quite the surprise move there. I didn't think that particular sort of magic would be in here and it wasn't even really mentioned earlier so now I have to wonder if this is somehow unique to Kim.

Flowers bloom with every step. The river cools until its safe to drink. I find that I can breathe again.

I open my eyes.

The undead collapses like a Jenga tower, and falls apart just as easily. I scramble to my feet, away from its broken remains.

“Kim!”


Well phew, at the very least whatever happened there seems to have done the trick in the end and Kim is safe. I was genuinely worried this going to end in some sort of kidnapping situation of some sort revealing that mysterious necromancer but it seems that's not going to happen...yet.

Jasmine collides into me, and we both near topple over into the mud. I wince as my wound flares. My feet slip around for a moment before I find solid ground again.

“That thing was going to kill you! Are you alright?”

Her eyes are open so wide, I’m frightened they might bulge right out of her skull. I finagle my way out of her grasp so I can look her head on.

“I’m fine.”


Well it seems at the very least Jasmine seems to have realized this wasn't something Kim did on purpose and is feeling worried for her somewhat. I was genuinely thinking Jasmine would blame the monster on Kim and pretend like this whole thing was Kim's idea to get Jasmine off her back.

“Blimey,” says an apparently British kid. I remember him from the supermarket- he was the one wearing the tie-dye shirt. Benjamin was his name. At the moment, he’s on the verge of fainting. He sloshes past me- splashing more mud than is due- and staggers to a halt. “Jasmine,” he said, his voice wavering, “come get a look at this.”

Jasmine scowls and plugs her nose, as those she’s about to dive right in. She’s barely made it past me before she screams.

“Quiet.” Both me and the other boy- Gabriel- say. He offers a good-natured smile.


Okayy...well it seems like this is quite the crew here. I really don't quite know what to make of most of them here given how many of them are there. Only Jasmine really seems to be particularly important at the moment but I like that we are seeing some varied personalities among the lot. I hope we eventually learn about them a bit more as individuals or perhaps you'll be adding more of that into the missing chapter part way back in like chapter three I think.

Jasmine turns, paler than ever. “It’s Mr. Havick.”

“What!” Cries Susan, the final member of the crew. She looks incredulous. Even in the dark, I can tell she’s frowning, like she’s already dismissed Jasmines analysis. “Lemme see.”

The four of them examine the now-dead-undead for several minutes, silent aside from the occasional murmur of dismay.

Jasmine straightens, “It’s him alright.”

“It can’t be!” says Susan, “Why would Mr. Havick try to murder some random kid? It doesn’t make any sense.”


OOooh well the plot doth be thickening here. Now that is a very intriguing development. I was not expecting this one to be a familiar face that these kids new, because this now suggests whoever managed to reanimate this person is very likely also responsible for murdering said person just to get a helper which definitely makes thing suddenly a lot more sinister again.

“It’s him alright.” Benjamin whispers. Both girls fall silent. Jasmine drops her arms to her side and inclines her head. Gabriel starts to cry.

“If it makes you feel better, he’s been dead for some time.”

All four of them whirl around to face me, as thought they forgot I was there.

“No! That does not make things better! Not in the slightest!” Susan yells. She storms towards me, and maybe it would’ve been more intimidating if she wasn’t a full six inches shorter than I am. “And he’s not dead! We just saw him walking around like a… like a…. very much alive individual!”


Well Kim I have to agree that does not seem like the sort of thing that would comfort anyone there. You might want to be slightly more careful about dropping things like that into the mix. Well let's see what more happens here.

“Oh my god! Did you resurrect Mr. Havick, and he tried to kill you because he was angry for making him a zombie?”

“No, shut up Jasmine.” I say. I push Susan aside and kneel beside the body. It is undeniably human, which might explain why he was so much more difficult to dismantle compared to the alligator.

But was he the one who tried to drown me? Did he send me the album? Why?

“Who was he to you?”


Well there comes Jasmine's accusations that I thought would happen a little earlier. I think that's a good thing to throw in there just to keep her character consistent to how she has been so far, I don't think its been anywhere near enough time for her to grow as a character yet.

They hesitate to answer. But finally, Gabriel pitches in. His voice wobbles like jelly as he speaks, “He was our science teacher. He disappeared three days after you arrived in town.”

I bite my lip. There’s a pang in my chest, one I’m not used to.

“There were others too.” Jasmine volunteers, “On and off for years. We became a ghost town.”

“He was the first one in years to vanish.” Gabriel says.

“But you haven’t told us what you have to do with it yet.” Susan says, “He was very clearly alive moments ago, and it certainly wasn’t our rocks that got him.”


Well well that definitely makes things interesting. It definitely seems like a pretty foregone conclusion that this time of many screams would have people vanish every so often but having Kim figure this out and knowing this has happened for years and that this is a new one in several years all just creates so many new potential theories here and I love it.

“She didn’t kill him! He was already dead!”

“Oh my god,” Susan snaps, “You’re an idiot! Get a grip, girl. You’re lunatic brain nearly got us murdered by our serial killer science teacher, and now you want to tell me he’s actually a zombie?”

“He is!” Jasmine insists, “And she’s a necromancer!”

“I’m calling the cops.” Benjamin says, fishing through his pockets for his phone.

I bite my lip, wondering if I should stop him.


Well that's arguably the first time I've ever seen someone call the cops on a necromancer. Gotta love this story for remembering to be realistic in those moments. Although if I had to hazard a guess, getting the cops here would not end well for anyone here right now, especially not at this time of night with an actual dead body near them.

“We’re going to be in so much trouble,” says Susan, “Out late at night, found with a dead body and a witch-girl. I should’ve never listened to you.”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Jasmine yells, “Our science teacher was murdered!”

“Yeah! By her! But now, we’re all implicated!” She frets.

“I didn’t kill him.”

She whirls to face me, “Oh yeah? I suppose he just happened to drop dead, then.”

I shrug, Jasmine interjects, “She did the same thing with the alligator!”

“Are you implying witch-girl can kill things with her mind?”

“Jasmine,” I say through gritted teeth, “Do me a favor and cut out your tongue.”

My head is killing me. I can barely keep the girls’ fight straight.


I will have to agree with Kim there although I think you do a pretty good job of making sure we can keep track of who is saying what which is quite the achievement when there's so many people involved.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I like the direction this took here. Its quite the twist here and I adore how the more reveals we have in this the more mysteries we're running into. I can't wait to see how this chapter will conclude.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Tue Dec 06, 2022 4:13 pm
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mrovoska says...



Great story, a bit too much dialogue though, some small details would help.




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Mon Dec 05, 2022 12:59 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Oh man..how is Kim going to get anything done with those kids around? It’s better for Kim to be alone, without the others bothering her. I have one question, though. If Mr.Havick was already dead, then why is Susan accusing Kim of killing him? The evidence is plain to see. I guess that’s how this town works.

Now, Kim will have to stay sixty feet away from the others.

I wish you an amazing day/night.





The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
— Samuel Johnson