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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Ten-Year-Old Necromancer: Chapter Five

by Horisun


Somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I remember someone telling me that if I was ever lost or alone in the woods, I should trek downhill until I found a river, then follow the river until I found a town.

But here in the swamp, water runs like snot. Green, sticky, and everywhere. There are puddles of it, oozing between reeds and trees, caking my once pristine shoes. With each step, it squelches and belches beneath my feet, the swamp itself trying to pull me down into it’s algae-soaked depths.

“GOD!” I scream, loud enough that I dismantle birds from trees. I kick at the mud, succeeding only in knocking myself off balance, and toppling to the ground.

“Ugh.”

The water seeps into my clothes, sending cold shivers through me. I consider not standing up, until the underwater plants start to poke and irritate my submerged half. I brace against the ground, and push myself to a sitting position, folding my hands gently in my lap.

Surely, it’s barely midafternoon. I can see the sun hung above the trees. But the swamp is like that mirror maze my mom brought me to, not long ago. Each tree repeating on and on, for what was near infinity, often twisting into strange and unfamiliar shapes. I shudder.

I have fallen beside a stream of relative size, where the water parts the mud just long enough to actually flow. Though it doesn’t seem to lead anywhere particular, I take note of a variety of living organisms populating the area. It’s like a mini swamp inside a swamp. The thought makes me smile. I place my hands at the edge, and peer in for a closer look.

Small gray mosquitofish dart about their natural enclosure. They remind me of strangers going through their daily lives, completely unaware of anyone watching them.

Moments pass before I notice the dead fish, washed up inches from my balled fist. I gasp, and wrench my hands away, heart pounding.

It’s smaller than its living brethren. Its eyes were open and mouth agape, yet even in death, it doesn’t seem all that different from the fish swimming around it.

The water has started to tug it away from me, so, carefully, I cup my hands around it and pull the fish closer.

I don’t remember how I did it back in the science classroom, so here, I just close my eyes and scrunch up my face.

I focus on how the water ebbs and flows around my hands and fills my palms and imagine the water failing to recede. I envision life like a real thing, tangible enough to endow the fish with.

Moments later, I open my eyes, and the fish is gone. Returned to life, or restored to its death, I don’t know.

A twig snaps in the distance, then footsteps. I glance towards it.

“Who goes there?”

From right behind me, “I’m really sorry about this.”

Two skeleton sharp hands wrap around my neck. They plunge me under the water before I can scream. I go for a breath and my lungs fill with mud. I’m the fish, consumed by a watery grave.

No, my thoughts are warped and broken. No, no, no, no, no-

Will my eyes be open, and my mouth agape? Will Mom weep when she finds me?

The hands have not faltered, not for a moment. They dig so deep into my skin, the last taste on my tongue shall be my own blood. My lungs scream. I whip my head, this way and that, so hard that I hope my neck will break before I drown.

The pain is too much. Light floods my head, my chest. I’m sick with it. I’m teetering on the edge of unconsciousness, when the hands around my neck finally loosen, and I’m yanked to the surface by wrinkled arms.

Air burns. How had I never noticed? I think, as I gasp for more. It tears at my lungs, more than the mud ever did.

“Kimberly,” cries a voice, “Oh, Kim, I’m so sorry.”

“Grandma?” I croak as her arms encircle me. I lean into the hug, too weak to move. “What happened?”

“You were attacked by someone.” She trails off, clearly thinking up a pretty little lie to tell me. I’d rather she didn’t bother.

“Never mind. Can we go home?”

Grandma nods. “Of course.” She stands up and offers her hand to me, which I take. I stumble, teetering off after her through the swamp.

-

The old witches hut never felt more safe. I’m wrapped in the very same blanket I was just yesterday, a cup of tea planted firmly in my hands.

“Grandma?”

She’s stoking the fire, even though it’ll be several hours before the sky starts to darken. “Yes?” She asks, without turning around.

“Will you say who attacked me now? Do you know them? How did you get them to go away?”

Grandma hesitates for a second, the fires clicking and hissing filling the silence instead. At long last, she says, “No.”

“No?” I slam my cup down against the table, sizzling hot tea droplets flying everywhere, singing my fingers. “Why not?”

“I think it’s about time we get on with your lessons about necromancy.” She says, “And I believe we can both agree that the woods are off limits from this point forth. I really thought it would stay away from you. I suppose I should’ve known wiser.” The last part, she mutters quietly to herself.

“Grandma, please, just tell me what happened.” I drop my voice, and dig my nails into my palms, “I thought- I thought I was going to die.”

The fire crackles. Grandma rises to her feet.

“I don’t want to die,” I say. “I was so scared.”

I don’t realize I’m trembling until Grandma places a hand on my shoulder. I flinch away.

“Kim, I’m sorry. What happened was all my fault.” She says, “I’m in no way prepared to take care of you, but that’s no excuse for my blatant irresponsibility. From this point forth, I assure you, you are safe here. That thing will not come near you.”

“What thing?” I cry. “You keep lying to me and I’m sick of it!”

“It was a monster.” Grandma says.

I sniffle. “There’s no such thing as monsters.”

“Well, this one is very much real. But I promise, it will not, cannot, hurt you again.”

“How did you get rid of it?”

Here, Grandma pauses again. Before I can press further though, she responds, “The monster is a dead thing. We, as necromancers, have power over the dead. Thus, I was able to overpower it.”

“Aren’t I one as well? Why couldn’t I do that?” I ask.

“Well, you aren’t trained yet.” She says, “I’m sure you could’ve with a little more practice though.”

“Are there more of those… monsters out there? It- the dead thing, it sounded human. It spoke to me.”

“What did it sound like?”

“It,” it all happened so fast, I wasn’t quite sure, “It sounded like a man.” I say, semi confidently, “it said sorry to me, but not like it meant it. Like it didn’t feel anything at all.”

Grandma nodded, “It’s an important distinction to note, undead things are not alive. The vessel moves, but their memories do not maintain intact.”

“If they’re not alive, than what are they?”

“Impressions. They’re extensions of their puppeteer, mostly.”

I frown, “So, we’re the puppeteers then?” I ask. “Because we bring them to life? But then, who brought the monster back to life? Was it ever alive?”

“Of course.” Grandma says, “Everything dead was once living, and everything living will one day die.”

My stomach wrenches at the thought. “So, is death really final?”

“I think so.” Grandma cracks a smile, “Truly ironic, coming from a necromancer, right? If anyone thought death could be undone, surely it’d be me.” She says, “But I learned that lesson a long time ago. The dead stay dead and gone, leaving the living behind them. The sooner you learn that, the better, dear.”

“No.” I say. “I’ll just live forever.”

At that, Grandma actually laughs. She laughs so hard her voice grows hoarse. When she’s done, she stands up and pats me on the back, “Best of luck with that. But first, you better master the basics. We’ll be up at dawn, so be sure you get some shut eye tonight. I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”

She disappears down the hall, leaving me with my quilted blanket and chilled tea. I shiver, despite the fire crackling just a few feet away. I still feel the monsters hands around my throat, though that might just be the bruising playing tricks on my mind. I pull the blanket closer.

No matter what Grandma said, the thing would be back to get me. But maybe if I could figure out all the necromancy stuff, it wouldn’t matter, and I could defeat it with my hand tied behind my back.

Here’s to hoping, I think, chugging down the last of my tea.


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Sun Dec 11, 2022 5:55 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy this was quite the chapter here. Starting off with some powerful elements of horror and a good example of exactly how dangerous and powerful the horrors laying outside are to that message of hope at the end. I think its a wonderful little journey here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I remember someone telling me that if I was ever lost or alone in the woods, I should trek downhill until I found a river, then follow the river until I found a town.

But here in the swamp, water runs like snot. Green, sticky, and everywhere. There are puddles of it, oozing between reeds and trees, caking my once pristine shoes. With each step, it squelches and belches beneath my feet, the swamp itself trying to pull me down into it’s algae-soaked depths.

“GOD!” I scream, loud enough that I dismantle birds from trees. I kick at the mud, succeeding only in knocking myself off balance, and toppling to the ground.

“Ugh.”


Wow, Kim here is really managing to stay a lot calmer than you'd expect most people to be able to manage especially at the age of ten here. You can definitely see that she's not exactly panicking quite as much as when we ended off in the last chapter but rather Kim is just trying to follow whatever she knows in terms of surviving to try and make it through. Definitely an interesting character trait to through in there.

The water seeps into my clothes, sending cold shivers through me. I consider not standing up, until the underwater plants start to poke and irritate my submerged half. I brace against the ground, and push myself to a sitting position, folding my hands gently in my lap.

Surely, it’s barely midafternoon. I can see the sun hung above the trees. But the swamp is like that mirror maze my mom brought me to, not long ago. Each tree repeating on and on, for what was near infinity, often twisting into strange and unfamiliar shapes. I shudder.

I have fallen beside a stream of relative size, where the water parts the mud just long enough to actually flow. Though it doesn’t seem to lead anywhere particular, I take note of a variety of living organisms populating the area. It’s like a mini swamp inside a swamp. The thought makes me smile. I place my hands at the edge, and peer in for a closer look.


OOh I am loving the description here. You can really get a very solid look at the general environment of the swamp around her and see the more sort of natural dangers that wrap all around it. That I think sets the scene quite nicely for what I am almost certain will be something supernatural that attacks sooner rather than later here.

Small gray mosquitofish dart about their natural enclosure. They remind me of strangers going through their daily lives, completely unaware of anyone watching them.

Moments pass before I notice the dead fish, washed up inches from my balled fist. I gasp, and wrench my hands away, heart pounding.

It’s smaller than its living brethren. Its eyes were open and mouth agape, yet even in death, it doesn’t seem all that different from the fish swimming around it.

The water has started to tug it away from me, so, carefully, I cup my hands around it and pull the fish closer.


Ooooh this seems to be heading in a pretty intriguing direction there. I have a feeling Kim here is just being drawn to this dead fish and she's going to end up quite possibly performing another act of necromancy here and that definitely has to be some sort of trigger for her to be attacked by whatever haunts this swamp.

I don’t remember how I did it back in the science classroom, so here, I just close my eyes and scrunch up my face.

I focus on how the water ebbs and flows around my hands and fills my palms and imagine the water failing to recede. I envision life like a real thing, tangible enough to endow the fish with.

Moments later, I open my eyes, and the fish is gone. Returned to life, or restored to its death, I don’t know.

A twig snaps in the distance, then footsteps. I glance towards it.


Well for starters that is a pretty intriguing motion to trigger necromancy if that is in fact did trigger that here, with the fish being gone it is a little bit difficult to actually try and picture what might be going on there.

Also welp, looks my prediction from earlier is definitely about to come true in the worst way it possibly can here.

“Who goes there?”

From right behind me, “I’m really sorry about this.”

Two skeleton sharp hands wrap around my neck. They plunge me under the water before I can scream. I go for a breath and my lungs fill with mud. I’m the fish, consumed by a watery grave.

No, my thoughts are warped and broken. No, no, no, no, no-

Will my eyes be open, and my mouth agape? Will Mom weep when she finds me?


Well that happened fast. This is very startlingly realistic here that Kim here can't really seem to be able to do much more than already just envision the worst outcome and what might happen as a result of it. It seems very appropriate for someone who has been through quite as much as her to just accept that as soon as something that seems to be quite clearly very powerful just attacks in this way out of nowhere.

The hands have not faltered, not for a moment. They dig so deep into my skin, the last taste on my tongue shall be my own blood. My lungs scream. I whip my head, this way and that, so hard that I hope my neck will break before I drown.

The pain is too much. Light floods my head, my chest. I’m sick with it. I’m teetering on the edge of unconsciousness, when the hands around my neck finally loosen, and I’m yanked to the surface by wrinkled arms.

Air burns. How had I never noticed? I think, as I gasp for more. It tears at my lungs, more than the mud ever did.


Ahh I am loving the description here. As horrifying as this moment is especially right at the peak of this all when we have to watch poor Kim just suffering unable to even fully process what's happening to her, I really do have to say this is quite powerfully done here. The sheer helplessness comes across so well and that sudden jump there from the idea of this fish and this swamp that Kim can make some sense of escalating to this terrifying creature that lies towards the end of what her powers can do is also a lovely message to showcase just what world she's about to enter and how far she has to go.

“Kimberly,” cries a voice, “Oh, Kim, I’m so sorry.”

“Grandma?” I croak as her arms encircle me. I lean into the hug, too weak to move. “What happened?”

“You were attacked by someone.” She trails off, clearly thinking up a pretty little lie to tell me. I’d rather she didn’t bother.

“Never mind. Can we go home?”

Grandma nods. “Of course.” She stands up and offers her hand to me, which I take. I stumble, teetering off after her through the swamp.


Well that went about as well as I thought too. There was certainly no chance that Beatrice was just going to let Kim die there and given she clearly has some sort of power in this swamp its not surprising in the slightest that this happen. What I am a little more surprised by is the reaction Kim has to this. Sure we definitely get that relief and everything you expect but the reaction to the idea of a lie is really very interesting, especially given that those seem to keep coming back in these chapters. I wonder if a lie is somehow going to end up being more important than just a simple thing being tossed around here.

The old witches hut never felt more safe. I’m wrapped in the very same blanket I was just yesterday, a cup of tea planted firmly in my hands.

“Grandma?”

She’s stoking the fire, even though it’ll be several hours before the sky starts to darken. “Yes?” She asks, without turning around.

“Will you say who attacked me now? Do you know them? How did you get them to go away?”

Grandma hesitates for a second, the fires clicking and hissing filling the silence instead. At long last, she says, “No.”


Well I was hoping this was going to maybe have Kim trusting her grandma just a little more or at least making her grandma take a little more care in terms of protecting Kim and gaining her trust but this whole situation with the grandma suddenly now trying to hide the truth of what attacked Kim feels like its going to drive them apart even more. Its definitely an extra spike of tension in what I thought would be a more relaxed part and I love it.

“No?” I slam my cup down against the table, sizzling hot tea droplets flying everywhere, singing my fingers. “Why not?”

“I think it’s about time we get on with your lessons about necromancy.” She says, “And I believe we can both agree that the woods are off limits from this point forth. I really thought it would stay away from you. I suppose I should’ve known wiser.” The last part, she mutters quietly to herself.

“Grandma, please, just tell me what happened.” I drop my voice, and dig my nails into my palms, “I thought- I thought I was going to die.”

The fire crackles. Grandma rises to her feet.


Hmm, well this certainly twisting in some interesting directions. I am loving the tension here though. The idea of Kim demanding to know what happened and then slowly sort of trying to convey the true depth of what she's feeling and that terror she felt and really give a very solid reason why she deserves to know is very powerful here even as we see the grandma also give herself something of a reality check there and resolve to do better. That does give me hope despite all the shakiness we're seeing here, these two will end up being stronger for it at the end of it as far as understanding each other is concerned.

“I don’t want to die,” I say. “I was so scared.”

I don’t realize I’m trembling until Grandma places a hand on my shoulder. I flinch away.

“Kim, I’m sorry. What happened was all my fault.” She says, “I’m in no way prepared to take care of you, but that’s no excuse for my blatant irresponsibility. From this point forth, I assure you, you are safe here. That thing will not come near you.”

“What thing?” I cry. “You keep lying to me and I’m sick of it!”

“It was a monster.” Grandma says.

I sniffle. “There’s no such thing as monsters.”


AHh well that is what I was hoping for here. It seems Kim really going out there and being vulnerable about the whole thing and showcasing the real emotions going on there managed to actually get through to the grandma enough that she sees past the simple mistakes she made and to the mistake she's making right now of not really thinking of it all from Kim's perspective. This is a very powerful moment here to have Beatrice come over to comfort Kim physically and actually tell her the truth.

“Well, this one is very much real. But I promise, it will not, cannot, hurt you again.”

“How did you get rid of it?”

Here, Grandma pauses again. Before I can press further though, she responds, “The monster is a dead thing. We, as necromancers, have power over the dead. Thus, I was able to overpower it.”

“Aren’t I one as well? Why couldn’t I do that?” I ask.

“Well, you aren’t trained yet.” She says, “I’m sure you could’ve with a little more practice though.”


Hmm it does seem like we're finally getting somewhere on that here, having Beatrice explain a little bit of what's going on. I'm honestly surprised it takes Kim a couple of tries to actually believe this especially given her hands on experience and the fact that she wasn't exactly slow to believe in the idea of magic. It is also good to know that grandma can definitely hold her own when it comes to these matters.

“Are there more of those… monsters out there? It- the dead thing, it sounded human. It spoke to me”

“What did it sound like?”

“It,” it all happened so fast, I wasn’t quite sure, “It sounded like a man.” I say, semi confidently, “it said sorry to me, but not like it meant it. Like it didn’t feel anything at all.”

Grandma nodded, “It’s an important distinction to note, undead things are not alive. The vessel moves, but their memories do not maintain intact.”


Hmm, loving that we're getting these ground rules laid down nice and early here. These are some pretty standard definitions across fantasy in general where necromancy is used but each system tends to vary ever so slightly from point to point so having it nicely laid out like this at pretty early point in the story is always a good way to set that up for when more complex things end up happening.

“If they’re not alive, than what are they?”

“Impressions. They’re extensions of their puppeteer, mostly.”

I frown, “So, we’re the puppeteers then?” I ask. “Because we bring them to life? But then, who brought the monster back to life? Was it ever alive?”

“Of course.” Grandma says, “Everything dead was once living, and everything living will one day die.”


Well that's quite the statement there. Once again loving these ground rules there but I also just love that line about death towards the very end. There's some quite powerful about something like that coming from someone who's actually quite a skilled necromancer that gives it much more power than it usually has.

“I think so.” Grandma cracks a smile, “Truly ironic, coming from a necromancer, right? If anyone thought death could be undone, surely it’d be me.” She says, “But I learned that lesson a long time ago. The dead stay dead and gone, leaving the living behind them. The sooner you learn that, the better, dear.”

“No.” I say. “I’ll just live forever.”

At that, Grandma actually laughs. She laughs so hard her voice grows hoarse. When she’s done, she stands up and pats me on the back, “Best of luck with that. But first, you better master the basics. We’ll be up at dawn, so be sure you get some shut eye tonight. I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”


Well gotta love that ten year old enthusiasm seeping in right after a rather profound statement there. As hilarious as it manages to be given that even grandma manages a laugh there I think it also captures another moment of duality there between the very start of this journey to be a trained necromancer and the very end. It also ends up highlighting this age gap quite nicely too.

She disappears down the hall, leaving me with my quilted blanket and chilled tea. I shiver, despite the fire crackling just a few feet away. I still feel the monsters hands around my throat, though that might just be the bruising playing tricks on my mind. I pull the blanket closer.

No matter what Grandma said, the thing would be back to get me. But maybe if I could figure out all the necromancy stuff, it wouldn’t matter, and I could defeat it with my hand tied behind my back.

Here’s to hoping, I think, chugging down the last of my tea.


Well that seems like a lovely bit of hope to end on. Given the kind of cliffhanger we had at the end of the last chapter I think we all deserve the bit of hope the end of this particular piece offered us.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think we've got ourselves a very important chapter. It captures the idea of this whole situation quite nicely I think, showcasing the distance between where Kim is and where she needs to go, giving us an example of horrors to come and showing us potential bonding there between these two. I can't wait to see what more can come of this.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Mon Oct 17, 2022 12:07 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



So the reanimated are never quite alive? They’re just monsters? How sad. Imagine all the people who were wonderful in life, but reduced to skeletal creatures in death.

I have a new theory about Kim’s Dad. I think that he died and Kim’s Mom brought him back to life, but he became one of those monsters. Maybe he was the monster that attacked Kim.

There are only two things I’d point out. “It’s” would be ”It’s” when you talk about the algae in the water and ”Mom” is always capital, because she is a parent.

But never mind that. This was an intriguing chapter and I am DYING for more.

I wish you a lovely day/night.





We always talk about the "doers" and "dreamers" but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the "tryers".
— Hannah Hart