Hi there Horisun! Lim here with a review.
Marsh
Something I like about this one is the setting descriptions. I like the idea of the marsh feeling “like another dimension” when Kim is alone. There’s also a lot of good figurative language here, like the dirt ‘drinking’ dew and the rainboots becoming caked in mud. I thought those were immersive. When Kim finally gets to a spot of sunlight, the change in atmosphere stands out. The ending of this one also feels kind of ambiguous because of the narration “the thought gives me a headache” even though the imagery of the honey and boiling kettle seem pleasant.
I find myself wanting to know what Kim is doing in the marsh, why she’s there, etc. I kind of guessed that she just might be walking around there out of curiosity or perhaps to find some peace – but that seems a bit odd given I remember she had a scary encounter in the marsh at one point when she was alone there. And Kim tends to stay away from things that scare her from what I remember, or at least, she tries to.
Playground
Something I like about this one is how I can follow Kim’s thought process in the end part. What Kim is feeling seems to be complex emotions, but they are presented clearly and link back to her issues with abandonment. “curdles” is a nice description for anger, and I like how the narration shows the split between her thoughts and her body’s emotional reaction. I thought that was quite realistic. The “domino effect” metaphor was apt as well.
I guess if there’s something that feels missing it would be the description of the external stuff. I can vaguely picture the playground scene, but most of the events in this snippet take place in the dialogue and inside the main character’s head. For example, I’m not sure where in the playground Kim and her Grandma are. Are they in the middle of it? Or are they on the sides?
I know Grandma said no resurrecting people, but if someone slams their head into a metal pillar and dies, I don’t see how I have a choice.
Somehow this made me smile xD even though it’s a rather morbid thought. I can sympathise with Kim thinking playgrounds are dangerous since they *can* be, but the incongruity between the idea of a playground and that of imminent danger still makes me laugh a little.
Classroom
The fact that the teacher is named “Mr. Carrot” gave this one a somewhat humorous atmosphere from the get-go. I like that Kim hesitated before allowing the kid to copy her homework. That feels in-character for her, since she is generally a stickler for rules.
I like the idea of this snippet. I think there might need to be more time between the children’s conversation speculation if she’d died to Kim discovering the photo. I can’t really imagine it only taking “a minute” for kids to start speculating on death. I also found myself wondering why there was a photo of the teacher’s graduation in the classroom. Did the students put it there as a memento? If they did, why don’t they know that she’s still alive and just went back to college?
Overall
I like that these warm-up snippets engage the themes of the novel. I also thought you’re writing Kim pretty consistently with what I remember from the full chapters. Most of the critiques I gave apply just if you’re planning on incorporating some of these as full scenes or chapters.
Hope this helps – let me know if you’d like more feedback on something specific!
-Lim
Points: 41664
Reviews: 542
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