Oh pencil, my pencil
Why do you hide,
I have a work for you:
Take me on a creative ride.
To the ends of the earth we shall roam
With no boundaries in between.
In Israel we shall say Shalom
Though in France we shall say Oui Oui.
Once our journey has ended,
You, I will never forsake.
For pencil, oh my pencil,
I keep you for my sanity’s sake.
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Canary word: Present
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139,727 Literary Works • 672,669 Reviews
this is a really unique poem because usually all the poems i read are all serious and intense. but this was really light hearted and i loved it. it was so cute and i also loved the rhyming.
This is cute. I loved it. Pencils run away from me too. It almost seems like I repel pencils. It's great to read a poem that isn't sad or depressing. Anyway, great poem and keep up the good work.
hahaha so cute. I understand the feeling. When I write I excape my pain and can go anywhere. I hate when my pencil runs away. I can't think anything to say to help except, keep writing.
I know how you feel with this. Pencils get lost so frequently...anyway, I enjoyed reading this. The only thing would be that the second stanza has sort of a different flow to it than the others, I think...it seems a little different, but if you like it then keep it. Keep writing!
Finally Edited!
Wonderful poem!
Just one suggestion:
This would shorten the line, and reduce not its meaning/impact. Probably heighten it, in fact. Great job, and keep writing.
Awesomeness, which my spell check says is a word! Yay, which it says isn't a word. What's up with that? I really like the poem. It's good to know that someone else talks to inanimate objects, too. I was starting to get worried. Keep on writing, though you might want to short the line about the creative ride... Oh well. Good job on this! (:
I really like this poem. I recited it to my pencils but unfortunately I received no response... Apparently they think the question is rhetorical. Good thing there are always computers that you can type with. Those can't hide so easily!
In all seriousness though, I only have one critique and that is that as other people said, the phrase with the "ride" has too many syllables. If there is a way you could shorten it, that would be superb.
This is so cute! I love it!
Nike
Wow, this is great, just great! I love the last lines, mainly the last. you may consider adding to it, now it is short and sweet, but if you added more detail, get into the poem more, maybe it can be better. I love the poem all the same...
~Rain~
This was cute! Fun and clever and happy-making. And I can definitely identify with the whole theme of pencils running away from me.
nice one!
Thanks for all of the input guys, I'm glad that you all enjoyed it! I'll edit it and then put it back up for all of you to see.
Hiya! So this was a cute little work. I'll be honest, I don't quite understand your middle stanza completely. In Israel you'll say peace/hello/goodbye, and in France you'll say yes?
Well, that's just me.
Your rhyme scheme was a little off. The whole thing was just a little awkwardly phrased. It seemed to smoosh together, and some of your words didn't even rhyme.
Overall, this isn't exactly a professional, publishable poem, but it's a clever, fun little read.
Keep writing!
-Dreamy
Dude, this is friggin' adorable.
Just two things...
The "thee" sounds a little strange here, if only because "thee" is a little archaic and out of place, seeing as you don't really use any more old language. I think you can say "you" here, no problem.
Also, the line "it is to take me on a creative ride" sounds a little bit clunky! I like the "creative ride" bit but the rest of it seems clunky. See if you can trim it.
this poem is really cute and fun. I know the feeling of having a pencil elude me in moments of great inspiration. Keep up the good work.
Hey
!
This sure is an intersting subject xD.
I think it is totally true, makes me think about when I lose my pencil :') Fail!
You have hit the nail on the head, including subjects that you would use it for, and for the use of drawing as well.
My favourite part is the bit about losing the pencil!
Great Job
Haha, nice, I liked it. No corrections really, all I have to say is that it was cute, and rather humorous. You should sing it to your pencil all the time!
I definitely know that feeling. =P
Hehe. This is very cute
Pencil personification -- very cool. The rhyme flows pretty naturally and the different images and parallels -- Israel's and France's greetings, for instance -- are also very cute. Nice job (: