"What light through yonder window breaks"
Is not what I want to hear.
Why in the world must I learn this fool:
The Englishman called Shakespeare?
His leading men seem quaint and gay
With fancy words and prose.
Why should I ever care about him
When I can shoot at virtual foes.
Charles Dickens I do detest
Along with Poe, Homer and Paine.
What fun are they when compared to the best
Such as Doug, Ray and Elaine?
I now submit this tirade as ended!
I've won and declare "lol";
Because even if your comeback is great
I would never be able to tell.
So please go away and have a diction themed party,
For I must do something insane.
Go stretch your mind and think of ideas
While I continue to fry my brain.
**The line in bold does not seem to fit with the flow of the rest of the poem, anyone have any ideas?**
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138,267 Literary Works • 672,093 Reviews
To shorten up the line
.
"So please go away and have a diction themed party,"
You could condense it to "So leave now and have a diction party". That is less syllables. Or perhaps, "Leave now for your diction parties." That's even less.
Just some suggestions for you. By no means do you have to take them
Nice poem.....the theme is a very innovative one..... And the humor is excellent... The title you have given itself is a BIG-BANG intro to the poem......it gives a warning saying "Watch out!!! I've written it so you go off your rocker laughing!!" well done!!
Is this a play on words? Because it's a well-known fact that the women in Shakespeare's plays were really men (or boys).
Wikipedia rip:
I love this poem. I wish I could write something that good out of something like that, but I'm not that talented. I really like this poem, just because it made me laugh. It's an awesome poem.
I've really enjoyed this piece you've created. Amazing work.
Bahahahaha. I absolutely heart this. I found the parts about shooting at virtual foes and frying your brain particularly amusing, as I find myself hanging out with gamers more than I'd like to.
This was fun to read! I like the concept, and the title drew me in. You're a little wordy, though. I also have a leetle problem...right here...
How dare you. Poe is LOVE. I grew up reading Poe and own his complete works! D8 Seriously, my "bedtime story" when I was three was generally either "The Masque of the Red Death", "The Pit and the Pendulum", or "The Tell Tale Heart". Granted, they weren't completely understood that young, but...don't diss Poe! D8
Apologies for ranting on your poem! ^^
>>Annie
I really enjoyed this! It's very creative and quite hysterical. Your sense of satire is well-developed and encourage to keep up the great work!
This is quite genius!
I couldn't have though of better myself!
Well done chap!
Haha, I really seriously liked this, it was funny and made me sit back and have a good hearty laugh. If that's the response you wanted then you passed with flying colours! It doesn't show that much skill which I'm sure you have but it's defiantly a good poem. It shows your love for poetry in a really nice way. You have a great fan here. Well done on being featured.
Kaka xox
I really enjoyed this piece that you have created, it was very realistic and I appreciate the Irony, great job.
*snaps* Oh no you didn't! I know I didn't just read a poem by HP that disses my main man Thomas Paine and his homeboy Shakespeare. I must have been having a nightmare... *rubs eyes and slaps face*
I can see the humor.
Other than my initial *aghast!* I thought the poem was inventive. I suppose I can't really blame you for enjoying having a fried brain. I do like to vegg out sometimes as well.
Anyway, I agree with Dreamy about some of the inconsistency in metre. In some places I found myself having to slow down as I read in order to "get" it. It was kind of clunky. I'm sure you can find a way around that.
In conclusion, good job my little spiny friend! *high five*
Happy Writing!
Bailey
Very funny! This poem is very clever, and a cute read. My only problem is that at times your lines get a little cramped. You should make sure you have a consistent metre. For example, the line:
"With their fancy words and prose."
would make just as much sense without the word "their" in it. It would also be less awkward to speak. I suggest going over and reading it out loud to yourself. Every time you have to speed up or slow down just to make a line work, change it so you can read it at a consistent pace.
Overall, very nice. This is a cute fast read. Keep writing!
-Tori
BRAVO
An original idea and a very good one i must say....
Well written and good use of words but at some places i saw the flow breaking....
All in all it was an enjoyable piece...
Keep up the work that you do....
PM me for anything...