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Chapter 4 of 'Jadeland'

by Hijinks

What the heck? I wondered. Who would want to interview me? The Jade who can't do any spells? Who only knows how to write her name?

I didn't have long to wonder about that, though, because Tam and I were lead to a little creek just a few feet from the carriage. It chuckled and giggled at us as we splashed water on our faces.

"That feels good!" I said.

"Yes," Tamara agreed. "Um, look ... I have something to tell you."

"Does it have to be right now? During the best part of this stupid journey?" I asked, maybe a bit rude.

"Never mind ..."

"No, no, never mind me. Tell me!" I said, more curious than I pretended to be.

"Do you mind if I tell you a story?" Tam asked, her eyes looking at me nervously.

"Tell all the stories you want."

"Okay. It all started when a young girl started having dreams when she was three ...

The young girl tossed and turned in her bed, getting tangled in her sheets. "No! You can't!" the girl yelled in her sleep. "Stop! Thief!"

"Darling! Wake up! It's just a dream," the girl's mother soothed, cooling the girl's head with a wet washcloth. That was when dreams were just dreams in the girl's life.

"He ... he's stealing Lady Equinage's jewels! Stop him!" she screamed, still partly asleep.

"Honey - it's just a dream," her mother repeated.

"No it isn't, mummy. It's much more than that." At the time, the poor girl had meant a nightmare ...

The next day the girl's father was reading the news when he gasped loudly, unknowing of the dream from the night before. "Lady Equinage's jewels were stolen!" he exclaimed.

"What the -" the girl's mother uttered a curse word that she never said around the girl."What did you say?" the mother asked, catching her breath. "What the heck did you say?"

"Lady Equinage's jewels were stolen by a man with a scraggly beard, according to this article in the Morning News."

"Tam, darling, shouldn't you be at school?" the girl's mother asked.

"Mummy! I told you it weren't a dream."

"Wasn't, darling. Wasn't," Tam's mother said absent mindedly.

"Same difference."

"Tam! School, remember?"Thus was the beginning of dream riddled life for the poor girl, Tam.

And that's my story."

"Oh - Tam, I'm so sorry! But ... that's how you knew all those things?" I asked Tam, half sorry, half curious.

"That's ... correct."

"I - I didn't know ..." I said lamely.

"That's okay."

By now we had both stopped splashing our faces with water and were sitting with our legs dangling in the water.

"But now I get visions while I'm still awake ... more and more as I get older," Tam explained. "About stuff I don't want to know."

"Do you ever have ... normal ... dreams?"

"Once in a while."

The boy who Tam claimed was one of the slave trader's children had never talked to us during the whole trip, but now he came out to chat with me and Tam.

"Have you figured out why you're here?" he asked.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said. "Aren't you going to introduce yourself?"

"Customs," he muttered under his breath. "I'm Ben ... and I'm eleven."



"Nice to meet you." Ben said stiffly. "Anyway, have you had a dream, Tamara? Do you know why you two are here?" 

"No ..."

"Well, I'm here to tell you," he told us, his voice filled with a sense of duty. "We captured you roughly, I admit. But that was in case you escaped, you would give us a bad rap."

"What - who wants a bad rap?" I asked, confused. I knew I sure didn't.

"We do. Let me explain. There are Scareymonish in the human world, Earth, and they want to capture it. Have you heard of Hitler? He was a Scareymon. The people behind dropping the first atomic bomb? Scareymon. There are still Scareymonish on Earth these a-days, and our mission is to stop them. We sell the smart 'slaves', like you guys. You infiltrate things. We also only kidnap people with no real life. Tamara, you weren't enjoying school. You knew when your friends lied to you. Everything new was old for you. The police were constantly hiring you up. Yasmine ... you were an orphan, you lived off of berries in the forest, you learned spells by watching from a tree."

"What about you?" I asked Ben, eager to switch the subject of my terrible life to that of Ben's skills - or to anything else.

"Me?" Ben laughed, "I'm simply a genius. No magic to it."

"Boring," me and Tam said sarcastically at the same time. Then we laughed, giddily, ready to laugh at anything after the last few days.

"Anyway," Ben continued, "We want you guys to go be slaves ... don't worry, we'll pay you when you're done."

"Right. Don't worry," Tam said scornfully. I agreed with her silently. Who do they think we are? I mean, gosh, I'm only thirteen!

"Don't worry my thumb!" I cried, voicing my anger. "I will have nothing to do with this! I'm a mere thirteen! Some humans may say that's old but in Jadeland it's young! Don't you see? Have you spent too much time on Earth to qualify as a Jade?"

"My, my," Ben chuckled. "Do take a breather."

He pulled us up.

As if in a dream I watched him snap his fingers and watched as dust flitted through beams of sunlight, landing on me and Tam's heads. Immediately I felt calm. Tam also seemed to loose her anger.

As we walked back to the carriage there was an awkward silence. To break it, I said the first riddle that came to mind, which was very suitable. "What breaks when you say its name?"

"Silence. I've heard that one before," Ben admitted, almost sheepishly.

"No fair!" Tam complained.

By then we had reached the carriage. I hadn't noticed it before when my eyes had been adjusting to the light, but this carriage was beautiful. It was made of cherry tree wood, and the windows were covered by beautiful red curtains. The horse pulling it was a beautiful grey mare, which really meant it was white.

"What's its name?" Tam breathed, before I had a chance to ask.

"Cherry Blossom." The lady who had helped me up was brushing the horse. "By the way, I'm Tanya - Ben's mother."

"Why are you being so nice to us now?" I asked, hiding my re-emerging anger behind false confusion.

"Hasn't Ben told you?"

"Yeah, but ... why am I here? I'm not a genius, and I don't have dreams that come true."

"Oh, you are good!" Tanya seemed very entertained. "You can fly!"

"What?" I exclaimed, amazed and disbelieving. "You're pulling my braid, right?"

"Oh, get into the carriage. Pieter can tell you about it."

So we entered the beautiful carriage. Beautiful leather seats with no patches curved to make a half-circle. Soft and brilliantly coloured clothes layout, taking my breath away. I completely forgot I had just learned I could fly.

"Who are they for?" I whispered.

"Ourselves, silly," Tam said.

"Ben ... could you please leave the room for a minute?" I ventured to ask.

"Of course!"

As soon as the door shut behind him, me and Tam grabbed the clothes like hungry vultures grabbing food. Soon we were dressed in the most comfortable, pretty clothes I had ever worn. I felt, as stupid as it seemed, like a princess dressed up for a ball. Now I just need my prince. I cringed.

All at once Tam flung herself at me.

"Wha-?" I gasped as she engulfed me in a hug. "Uh ... I can't breath ..." I managed to get out.

"Sorry!" Tam exclaimed, letting go of me. "I just had to do that."

I looked at her. She seemed to be a new person - bright pink cheeks, big blue eyes, gorgeous blonde hair that reached past her shoulders like rays of sunshine. But nothing compared to the smile that lit up her face.

"I know what you mean," I answered. "On a different note ... is there a mirror? I want to see how I look."

"I think I can feel one ... over there ..." dramatically Tam felt her way towards a mirror. "Ta-dah!"

"Haha," I answered.

Just then someone knocked at the carriage door. "May I come in?" a warm voice asked.

"Yes," I replied, cautiously.  

The door opened and man who looked to be about fifteen or sixteen. entered "Hello! I'm Pieter. Tanya said that you needed an explanation?" He asked. He had a warm voice.

"Yeah ... this is the first time in all my thirteen years I heard I could fly," I said good naturedly. "I'm sure that's worth an explanation, among other things."

"Well ... let me prove it to you by asking you to jump as high as you can."

I agreed and the three of us stepped out of the carriage and into the middle of the brick road that lead from the dock to the portal.

"Ready? Tamara and I will jump, as well, as high as we can," Ben told us. "On a count of three. One, two, three ..."

We all jumped, and I soared up so high my heels could've touched the tops of trees. Birds chirped around me, the unexpected visitor, before moving away. It was an amazing feeling! Just as I was getting used to it, I slowly floated back down. What the heck? I could feel a blush spreading over my face. Aloud, I whispered, "That can't just have happened!"

"Ha - but it did," Pieter said, putting on a silly voice. "Let us go back to the carriage, and then we may continue to the portal."

A half an hour later, once more according to Tam, we turned off the brick road and into a clearing.

"We're here!" Tanya called from where she was driving the carriage. "Out you get!"

The clearing was beautiful, but the thing that really stood out was the tree in the center of it. It stretched almost to the clouds, and bright red leaves grew from the branches.

"Amazing!" Tam breathed. "I - I've heard of it, but imagination can only go so far!"

I could only agree with her.

"What are you waiting for? We're off to Earth, for Tarbril's sake!"

Of the little school I had overheard from my tree, there was one thing I knew - Tarbril was the legendary warrior who had won the Battle of Binster for all of Jadeland.

Is this a review?



User avatar
104 Reviews

Points: 4417
Reviews: 104

Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:02 am
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Danni88 says...

Another awesome story from Jadeland!

More cool information is revealed:

I love the plot twist! The kidnappers are trying to stop Scareydaddies on Earth? I suppose this means they're good, even though they kidnap people. Surely there is a better way of recruiting people to help than kidnapping people 'with no life'!

However, Tamara and Yasmine seem a bit too OK with this. I think they should be a little more angry about being slaves, but otherwise everything is cool.

So, now we know they both have awesome magic powers! I really like Yasmine being able to fly. I would feel the same as her if I discovered that one day.

I am on tenterhooks waiting for the next chapter! I can't wait for it.

Best wishes,

Danni xxx

Hijinks says...

Thank you! Truth be told, I was at a writers block, but I think you motivated me enough to get past it :)

Danni88 says...

Thank you :D

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440 Reviews

Points: 6836
Reviews: 440

Sat Jul 15, 2017 4:40 am
Wolfi wrote a review...

Hello! I saw this chapter in the Green Room and thought you deserved another review on it because you're awesome. Unfortunately, I don't have time right now to read the other chapters, but I do have a little time to dedicate to this one. Let's get to it!

I didn't have long to wonder about that, though, because Tam and me were lead to a little creek

This should say "Tam and I," unless it's supposed to be a way to make the Yasmin's voice more original. Another thing I see later on is "anyways," which isn't a word (but "anyway" is). Again, it could just be a voice thing.

"Lady Equinage's jewels were stolen!" he ejaculated.

I'm not a fan of that dialogue tag. If in doubt, always use the simple "said." Many writers are encouraged to use a diverse vocabulary so there seems to be no reason to exclude dialogue tags, but in this case it's typically best to go simple. If you want to say that someone said something loudly, I think the exclamation point you already have does a fine job.

"What the -" the girl's mother uttered a curse word that she never said around the girl.

"What did you say?" the mother asked, catching her breath. "What the heck did you say?"

This confused me because these are two separate lines with the same person speaking. Consider joining them into one paragraph.

"Mummy! I told you it weren't a dream."

"Wasn't, darling. Wasn't," Tam's mother said absent mindedly.

I like that. It demonstrates both Tam's youth and her mother's instructive habits, present even when her mind is elsewhere.

"What's it's name?"


"Cherry Blossom," The lady who had helped me up was brushing the horse.

I think you're missing a dialogue tag here, else there shouldn't be a comma.

"By the way, I'm Tanya - Ben's mother."

This isn't really a big deal, but Tanya and Tamara are very similar names. Are you sure you want that for Ben's mother's name?

Just then a handsome young man entered the carriage.

Shouldn't he have knocked first?

We all jumped, and I soared up so high my heels could've touched the tops of trees before floating back down.

I'd like more descriptions here. This is the first time she's flown, so it's bound to be an exhilarating experience! What was she thinking? What did she see? What did she feel?

We're off to earth, for Tarbril's sake!"

If this is the Earth, I would capitalize it.

What's great about writing in first person is that you can really easily get inside the head of your main character. Take advantage of that! I'd like to hear more of Yasmine's thoughts and feelings.

I'm kinda sensing something between Yasmine and Tamara. ;)

Right now the characters Ben, Tanya, and Pieter all seem rather flat. They're friendly and helpful and not much else. I'd like to see more defining characteristics from them because right now they're not at all memorable because there's nothing special about them.

So of course I'm rather confused as to why the two main characters are becoming "slaves" and why they're acting so chill about it, but that's to be expected since this is all I have read! Whatever's going on, this novel seems really unique and the plot seems to be picking up nicely!

Good work! If anything I said needs clarification, just let me know.

Hijinks says...

Thanks for the review! I changed some stuff.

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44 Reviews

Points: 2883
Reviews: 44

Fri Jul 07, 2017 2:33 pm
midnightdreary wrote a review...

Hi! As always, a great chapter. I'm happy that everyone is being nice to Tam and Yasmine now. That being said, I have a few small things for this review.

First is when you say, "And that's how I learned about Tam". That sentence is pretty unnecessary and doesn't give any now information, so you don't need it there.

Second is that you repeated "that can't have just happened" in Yasmine's thoughts and then aloud. You only need to have it there one time. I personally would have her say it aloud.

Last thing is that I feel like Tam and Yasmine are weirdly okay with the kidnapping thing after Tanya explained her whole reasoning. I feel like they would've been more pissed about their whole situation and would take some convincing to finally ally with these people. I also imagine that they would be a little more hesitant to go along with the groups plan of killing Scarydaddies, since most teenagers probably wouldn't want to have anything to do with such a responsibility.

Also on a different note, I love the name Binster. It's a pleasing word to me.
Yeah, that's all! I hope this was helpful!

Hijinks says...


"You, who have all the passion for life that I have not? You, who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things..."
— Gone With the Wind