Last Line(s): Audrey was breathing hard, her chest heaving up and down. Sweat was dripping off her forehead. Her hair was a matted mess. And her eyes were wide open like a doe’s. “I-I…” she looked around frantically. “I had a nightmare…” she breathed.
Chapter 3
Will, sitting cross-legged on the bed, furrowed his brows. “So you mean to tell me: you saw the waiter in your dream again?”
Audrey, still shaking, but less frantic, nodded.
“And he was threatening you?”
Another nod.
“He said if you didn’t make the so-called contract with you, he’d kill me?”
Audrey let out a sob, and jumped into her husband’s arms. “Yes, and I don’t want to be a widow already.” she cried.
Will scrunched up his nose. “Are you sure?” he asked playfully.
“Shut up!” she shrieked.
“Sorry.” Will said sincerely. “It was just a dream anyway. And look at the time. It’s almost five. How long have we been talking?”
“I-I don’t know.” she said, still in his arms.
“Ah, c’mon Aud, you’re being so clingy.” he said, attempting to peel her off. She mumbled something into his chest and Will sighed. “I don’t know what you’re saying.” he tried once more to get her off, but she tightened her grip around his waist. “Get off!” he cried, over-dramatically.
Audrey punched his stomach, annoyed, and Will recoiled. “For God’s sake!” he groaned, clutching his stomach. “What the bloody hell was that for?”
Audrey looked up and winced. “Did it hurt?” she asked.
He glared at her. “Yes, it bloody hell did.”
“You’re saying bloody a lot.”
“Bloody hell am, you got a problem?”
“Yes.”
“Then let go of me!” Will squirmed and she reluctantly let go.
“You’re so mean.” she stuck her tongue out.
“I love you too, princess, but I want to sleep. I love it more than I love you.”
Audrey knew she was the most precious being for him so she decided to annoy him and stormed out of the room. “Fine!” she yelled, running down the stairs. “I’ll sleep with my canvases! I love them more than you!”
Rolling his eyes, Will crawled out of bed. Groggily, he went down the stairs and met Audrey in the living room, curled up on the couch on the far side of the room. Canvases were stacked around her and she had a paintbrush sticking out of her bun. Will controlled his laugh and went to go sit beside her. “You’re such a baby.”
“Am not.” she whined.
“You just proved it.”
“How?” she looked up.
“You’re acting like your high-school self. Whining all the time.”
Audrey looked flustered. “And you’re not?” she scowled.
“I never said I wasn’t.” Will said, leaning into the couch and propping up his feet on another stack of canvases.
Audrey didn’t mind. She brushed her hair to the side. Will looked over at her and cherished her image like that. Audrey, the sun rising in the background, sitting beside her painting tools.
“Will, it was a very vivid dream. It was real. I know it.” she gulped.
“Dreams can feel like that, Aud, don’t worry about it.” Will said.
“But it felt too real to be a dream!” Audrey protested.
“Audrey.” Will said. “Please. Stop. The man has gotten at you.”
Audrey frowned. Tears brimmed her eyes. “You don’t ever believe me.” Will, brows furrowed once again (one might say that was his signature look), got up to hug her, but Audrey jumped up and left to go to their bedroom.
Will sighed. “Sorry for trying to be realistic!” he called out. Before Audrey could shoot back a snarky remark, the doorbell rang.
Audrey paused in the middle of the stairs. Will turned to look at the door. They shared nervous glances. They looked at the clock. It was barely five thirty. “Who could it be?” Audrey asked, slowly creeping down the stairs. Will walked to the door bravely and put his hand on the door knob.
He let go.
Audrey was behind him, taking deep breaths. “Don’t you dare have a panic attack.” Will whispered.
“I’m not.” Audrey whispered back.
There was a pause. Another knock.
Audrey touched Will’s arm. “In case the person outside this door kills me… just so you know, I love you to the moon and back.”
“Didn’t seem like it two seconds ago.” Will smirked, glancing back at his wife.
Audrey shoved Will away and opened the door. There, in a fancy suit and his blonde-white hair combed back, into something that looked like a messy taper hairstyle, was the one and only Akolxohez.
She sucked in a sharp breath. “Yes?”
His eyes - black to her, red to Will - shined brightly. “Good morning.”
Will stood in front of Audrey. “What do you want?” he snapped.
“A sign on this contract.” Akolxohez smirked, holding out a bright green paper with scribbled words on them. Will took one glance at it and faltered.
“What?” This really was not what he had been expecting.
“I am quite sure your dear wife told you about the contract.” he said huskily, straightening up his tie.
Will drew back. “The… contract?”
“Yes.” After a pause, he spoke up again. “Oh, and the dream, too.” Akolxohez flashed a sick smile.
“Get lost.” Will snapped.
“How much money do you need?” Akolxohez asked.
Will drew back. “I-I…” he glowered. “What do you want? What’s this contract about?”
“If I told you I’m a devil, would you believe me?”
“Someone must have forgotten to put you in a bloody asylum.” Will said. “Go get some help.”
“Stop with the bloody.” Audrey wrapped her hands around his waist. “Please.”
“I like it when you say please.” Will grinned, stroking her hand.
Akolxohez cleared his throat. The couple looked at him accusingly. “Sorry to interrupt your romantic little moment, but I’m a devil and I need you to sign this contract. Also, please let me in, it’s getting pretty cold out here.”
Will sighed, and moved out of the way. “Get in.”
Akolxohez did as told. “Thank you. You are a kind man.”
“Shut up.” Audrey snapped.
As if he had entered his own house, Akolxohez took a seat on the couch and crossed his arms. The contract was on the cluttered wooden coffee table. “Now, if you’d let me explain.”
“Go ahead.” Will said and sat on the opposite couch.
“And then we’ll call the ambulance for you.” Audrey added, sitting beside Will.
Akolxohez flared his nostrils but ignored the couples’ rudeness. “Anyways, I am a devil. I’ve come from the Society of the Souls. What was a devil like me doing in the Society of the Souls, one might ask. I was looking for you, Audrey Emerson, for the past few years.”
“It’s Audrey Winchester, now, thank you.” she said cautiously.
The so-called devil rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
“Ignorant brat.” Audrey muttered. Will smirked.
Akolxohez huffed. “You paint, am I right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, you were once in the Realm of the Souls. I had come to you because I knew you had the power of bringing paintings to life. We need power like that in the Ditch of the Demons and Devils.” Akolxohez explained. When no one said anything, he continued. “You had made a contract with me - the ruler of the Ditch - that you would help out with your power. I had to wait decades for you to get onto Earth, grow up, get married, et cetera, so I could get this contract signed once again. We need two signs. One from your previous life, and now from this life.”
Audrey stared.
Will blinked.
“Sorry to break the news to you, but you’ve gone mad.” Will got up and strode towards their guest. “Get lost.”
Akolxohez got up and swiftly threw a punch across Will’s face.
Points:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternooon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
And time for Chapter 3(Small point there. You're chapters seem a little on the short side)
First Impression: Well that took a very interesting and very sudden turn there. Okay let's try to decipher what went on and what went wrong.
And getting right to it,
And the dialogue continues to be on point so far. It's so far been very realistic and quite nice to read. The two of them are very sweet together. (
I'm taking pointers for my own novels)Weird choice for the narrator to decide to write a comment there but it doesn't interrupt the flow too badly so I guess it's not a big deal.
Nice bit of description.
(Totally unrelated but since I'm from the Underworld I had to say this: Devils have pretty regular norms and not keyboard disasters like that.)
I have a feeling this get in was a lot more important than it sounded.
That ambulance threw me for a loop there for a second. Is she referring to the mental asylum thing?
Okay for once this exposition dump works. Most stories this wouldn't work but here it is actually needed. And you've done a good job of keeping it detailed enough to show the readers the important points without giving away so much that we become bored so good job there.
That escalated quickly.
Overall: So the plot just got underway. It's looking pretty good so far so good on you. The characters as I said earlier are spot on and work pretty well. Dialogue and interactions also work. Overall its pretty darn great.
As always remember to take what you think is helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you for the review!!
Your Welcome!!!
A punch??? HOW WUDE!!!
) seem out of character, which is great.
Hey, I'm Myth and I'll be..... You know who I am and what I'm doing so I'll just cut this part out in the next review. *looks down, disappointed*
Alright, let's get started!
Why did you end with the punch? I want to see him dodging it and punching back and stuff (Just ignore this. I've made a lot of versions of Will in my head and seventy-five percent of them just took the punch and got hurt in different ways.)
And they're still the cutest.
I had just one problem with the way the plot went, in this chapter. The way I understood, - from how Akolxohez is introduced - he seems like a pretty straightforward and I see how you've used this aspect of his personality to explain the contract and introduce the reader to the "Society of Souls" and the "Ditch of the Demons and Devils". Now, before you moved on to the "Ditch', I feel that there could've been more of an explanation of what the Society of Souls is because otherwise, the plot feels a little rushed. However, all that happened doesn't make Akolxohez(I finally remember his name
Talking about Akolxohez; he seems like a very patient man who knows what to do when. This was concluded from all the insults being thrown his way and the chapter-ending punch he landed on Will for accusing him of being mad after giving him all that context (in Will's defense, It was hardly [i]enough[i] to convince anyone who's led a normal life.)
Well, that will be all. Also, I'm reading one chapter a day 'cause then I'll have a review goal and also because I've got to study quite a lot (T-T).
KEEP WRITING!!!!
Yours sincerely,
Myth
Yee thanks for the review!!
tbh i sorta forgot about the Society of the Souls lolol but thanks for reminding me!!OOF! I love this book though.
You know, Lib, you're getting my amazing humor, narrative, and hour-long toil per chapter to help. Lucky you! XD Ok, I'll get started.
Will scrunched up his nose. “Are you sure?” he asked playfully.
OK, so… That’s a start. I mean, First off, Will seems like an affectionate teaser, but when Aud’s crying and scared, do you think he’d calm down? I mean, he’s your character and you know him better than anyone, but maybe make sure it’s 100% consistent if that’s the route you wanna take.
“Shut up!” she shrieked.
She said it
“Sorry.” Will said sincerely. “It was just a dream anyway. And look at the time. It’s almost five. How long have we been talking?”
OK, if we’re talking actual measures of time, then like 10 minutes, max. Maybe say that Will looks at the clock when he wakes up, just to give us a clue on how much time passed.
“Bloody hell am, you got a problem?”
Who is am? And Bloody hell is Ron’s line.
“I love you too, princess, but I want to sleep. I love it more than I love you.”
Ouch, but honestly, me, and Princess seems like more of a pet name for a child than a spouse, but to each their own, I guess. Speaking of children, these two seem to be getting more immature. They've gone from adults to children. I get they’re teasing but maybe have more of a casual way, not the tongues out kinda way. Maybe, mention their tones were light, or Will was trying to coax her back into a content state.
“Am not.” she whined.
How old are these two, obviously older than college, seeing as they’re past it, as you previously stated. This chapter may be a good chance for them to bring up their age in conversation. Casually, so it doesn’t feel forced.
“Will, it was a very vivid dream. It was real. I know it.” she gulped.
“Dreams can feel like that, Aud, don’t worry about it.” Will said.
“But it felt too real to be a dream!” Audrey protested.
“Audrey.” Will said. “Please. Stop. The man has gotten at you.”
Said, tags, all that is getting tiring. Just a reminder for the second draft!
Audrey paused in the middle of the stairs. Will turned to look at the door. They shared nervous glances. They looked at the clock. It was barely five thirty. “Who could it be?” Audrey asked, slowly creeping down the stairs. Will walked to the door bravely and put his hand on the door knob.
Maybe the neighbors with a noise complaint? And, I know I’m harping on about times, but since you mentioned it was five earlier, just say “so early” sometimes too much detail gives the mind no room to wonder and it gets tedious.
Audrey was behind him, taking deep breaths. “Don’t you dare have a panic attack.” Will whispered.
Me every time I go out in public, though!It’s cute how well they know each other! They can sense each other’s change in feeling. Nice touch! Also, your flow is improving so much!
Audrey touched Will’s arm. “In case the person outside this door kills me… just so you know, I love you to the moon and back.”
WhY cAn’T hE oPeN iT fOr HeR? He was going on about tearing limbs up last chapter, or is there a reason?
She sucked in a sharp breath. “Yes?”
Ok, so it’s him! Shouldn’t their first response be “How the hecc did you find out our address, perv?”
They call the cops and live happily ever.
So, last chapter. Take-out wasn’t available, maybe they said their address and order before seeing the sign I mentioned in the previous review on chapter 2. The man remembered or looked back on the security cameras, or something, and all. But at least he has a valid reason to have such personal info!
Or, maybe take-out was once available, and he looked through the logs to find it. OOORRRR, he tracked their debit card or they had to put in their phone number and he traced that?
Maybe he’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline, or maybe it’s just the power of an all-knowing demon who can dream hop!
I’m just giving examples if you need to fix that plot hole! Feel free to roll your eyes.
Will drew back. “The… contract?”
It’s still unnerving how everyone is so chill about him stalking them. I like how his speaking manner is different, more reserved. I enjoy the details you put into this!
[/b]“How much money do you need?” Akolxohez asked.[/b]
Is he their bank? GET OUT OF THEIR HOUSE YOU CREEP! STOP LOOKING AT THEIR PERSONAL FINANCE INFO AND GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!
“If I told you I’m a devil, would you believe me?”
No. Goodbye, sir. If I wanted to talk to someone as real as you, I’d hire an actor.
Serious Ame vibes.I love how you’re making me feel offended for these characters! You’re very talented. My one complaint is how their reactions to most things have not been thought out too much.
“I like it when you say please.” Will grinned, stroking her hand.
Not the time! At least Ak says something haha.
“Shut up.” Audrey snapped.
I love Audrey!
Akolxohez got up and swiftly threw a punch across Will’s face.
Ooh, drama! I love it.
OVERALL:
Great chapter, you’ve really reeled me in. You’ve heard my thoughts so far, so I’ll see you in the next chapter. I know it "will" be even greater.
I'm so sorry.Jade
You know, Lib, you're getting my amazing humor, narrative, and hour-long toil per chapter to help. Lucky you! XD Ok, I'll get started.
Will scrunched up his nose. “Are you sure?” he asked playfully.
OK, so… That’s a start. I mean, First off, Will seems like an affectionate teaser, but when Aud’s crying and scared, do you think he’d calm down? I mean, he’s your character and you know him better than anyone, but maybe make sure it’s 100% consistent if that’s the route you wanna take.
“Shut up!” she shrieked.
She said it
“Sorry.” Will said sincerely. “It was just a dream anyway. And look at the time. It’s almost five. How long have we been talking?”
OK, if we’re talking actual measures of time, then like 10 minutes, max. Maybe say that Will looks at the clock when he wakes up, just to give us a clue on how much time passed.
“Bloody hell am, you got a problem?”
Who is am? And Bloody hell is Ron’s line.
“I love you too, princess, but I want to sleep. I love it more than I love you.”
Ouch, but honestly, me, and Princess seems like more of a pet name for a child than a spouse, but to each their own, I guess. Speaking of children, these two seem to be getting more immature. They've gone from adults to children. I get they’re teasing but maybe have more of a casual way, not the tongues out kinda way. Maybe, mention their tones were light, or Will was trying to coax her back into a content state.
“Am not.” she whined.
How old are these two, obviously older than college, seeing as they’re past it, as you previously stated. This chapter may be a good chance for them to bring up their age in conversation. Casually, so it doesn’t feel forced.
“Will, it was a very vivid dream. It was real. I know it.” she gulped.
“Dreams can feel like that, Aud, don’t worry about it.” Will said.
“But it felt too real to be a dream!” Audrey protested.
“Audrey.” Will said. “Please. Stop. The man has gotten at you.”
Said, tags, all that is getting tiring. Just a reminder for the second draft!
Audrey paused in the middle of the stairs. Will turned to look at the door. They shared nervous glances. They looked at the clock. It was barely five thirty. “Who could it be?” Audrey asked, slowly creeping down the stairs. Will walked to the door bravely and put his hand on the door knob.
Maybe the neighbors with a noise complaint? And, I know I’m harping on about times, but since you mentioned it was five earlier, just say “so early” sometimes too much detail gives the mind no room to wonder and it gets tedious.
Audrey was behind him, taking deep breaths. “Don’t you dare have a panic attack.” Will whispered.
Me every time I go out in public, though!It’s cute how well they know each other! They can sense each other’s change in feeling. Nice touch! Also, your flow is improving so much!
Audrey touched Will’s arm. “In case the person outside this door kills me… just so you know, I love you to the moon and back.”
WhY cAn’T hE oPeN iT fOr HeR? He was going on about tearing limbs up last chapter, or is there a reason?
She sucked in a sharp breath. “Yes?”
Ok, so it’s him! Shouldn’t their first response be “How the hecc did you find out our address, perv?”
They call the cops and live happily ever.
So, last chapter. Take-out wasn’t available, maybe they said their address and order before seeing the sign I mentioned previously back on chapter 2. The man remembered or looked back on the security cameras, or something, and all. But at least he has a valid reason to have such personal info!
Or, maybe take-out was once available, and he looked through the logs to find it. OOORRRR, he tracked their debit card or they had to put in their phone number and he traced that?
Maybe he’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline, or maybe it’s just the power of an all-knowing demon who can dream hop!
I’m just giving examples if you need to fix that plot hole! Feel free to roll your eyes.
Will drew back. “The… contract?”
It’s still unnerving how everyone is so chill about him stalking them. I like how his speaking manner is different, more reserved. I enjoy the details you put into this!
[/b]“How much money do you need?” Akolxohez asked.[/b]
Is he their bank? GET OUT OF THEIR HOUSE YOU CREEP! STOP LOOKING AT THEIR PERSONAL FINANCE INFO AND GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!
“If I told you I’m a devil, would you believe me?”
No. Goodbye, sir. If I wanted to talk to someone as real as you, I’d hire an actor.
Serious Ame vibes.I love how you’re making me feel offended for these characters! You’re very talented. My one complaint is how their reactions to most things have not been thought out too much.
“I like it when you say please.” Will grinned, stroking her hand.
Not the time! At least Ak says something haha.
“Shut up.” Audrey snapped.
I love Audrey!
Akolxohez got up and swiftly threw a punch across Will’s face.
Ooh, drama! I love it.
OVERALL:
Great chapter, you’ve really reeled me in. You’ve heard my thoughts so far, so I’ll see you in the next chapter. I know it "will" be even greater.
I'm so sorry.Jade
Oof so I forgot to bold something but you get the idea! Sorry about that
Thanks for the review! I reread some bits and I definitely agree with the fact that their reactions to most things didn't seem right.
Hey!
Audrey and Will are such a sweet couple! The way they argue and tease each other is so fun to read.
So now Akolxohez finally reveals his identity- the devil. Atleast he is no blood sucking vampire. I had pictured him that way in the previous chapter by knowing about his fangs.
Will is so funny. Even in such a queer situation he brings out the humour.
This was really an interesting conversation. 'Ignorant brat'
Akol here knows a lot about Aud's previous life. Bringing paintings to life sounds amazing. I wonder why is she so needed in this Ditch of the Demons and Devils.
Well things are going to intense now. Will has made him angry now. Let's see what happens next.
Thanks for the review!!
Hi!!
Oh boy I’m a little behind but I’m going to try and catch up over the next week!
This chapter was great. I love the light bickering between Will and Audrey and how you can tell they’re joking. Their relationship is just so cute. Will is totally playful and his personality matches so well with Audrey’s. It’s really fun to read.
I’m also loving this new plot that’s being introduced. I mean... Akol doesn’t seem like toooo bad of a guy. I love this underground devil society, though. Super great and I’m excited to see where we go from there.
A few comments:
Audrey says this to Will - and the slight problem I have with this little piece of dialogue is that it’s inviting something new. The only time we see Will not believing Audrey is with this dream, but this comment implies there’s more times. I think it’d be best to omit this, or keep it and expand on it! (Maybe this is a little problem in their relationship? - it could be a nice and realistic touch).
One other thing is that I would love a bit more deep description of Akol. Like, are his eyes still creepy? I think more description of him throughout the end of the chapter could really start strengthening up his character a bit.
I’m intrigued by Audrey’s painting power (does she still have it?? Or was it only something from her previous life??). It’ll be really fun exploring this new world. Also, the fact that her dreams seem a bit prophetic .... interesting.
This is a bit of a short review, but I think that’s all I have to say for this chapter! Great one!
Peace,
~EternalRain
Thanks for the review!
I'm torn between gushing about Audrey and Will being adorable together, and gushing about Akolxohez. I'm really in love with all of these characters. Audrey and Will's dynamic is something I wish I could write myself, and Akolxohez feels like the kind of character I'd make. It's also really cute seeing a couple at the center of something supernatural like this.
I'm really intrigued by the deal that Audrey made in her past life with Akolxohez, too. There's a lot of potential for her past - and her future - so it'll be cool seeing where you're going with this!
Hello, Liberty... I mean, Hedwiggle!
I went ahead and started reading this series, (Seriously, I'm always late to the party) and can I just say, I am so, so, soooo excited that you are doing supernatural! I really enjoy your writing, and it's one of my favorite genres, so this is a recipe for awesome!
I'm really enjoying Audrey and Wills dynamic so far.
One bit of criticism I have (Warning, my opinion coming up. Disregard if you disagree) is that I though this devil guy has a whole lot of potential, I felt that he could've had a bit more of a presence in this chapter. He talks about all this like it's this afternoons weather, and Will and Audrey react to him like he said that he didn't like their favorite book. I just kind of wish that Akolxohez had a little more personality. I feel like a literal devil would waltz around like he owned the place, or something, but he asked politely to come in. I dunno, it's really up to you, and it's only the third chapter, so maybe I'm completely wrong.
Other than that, I'm enjoying this so far, and I'll definitely keep on reading! Have a great day!
Thanks for the review! I meant for his personality to be very very low here, mainly because we were just getting to know why he's even here. He puts things out bluntly because I wanted there to be a good cliffhanger. :p But in the next few chapters we get some character from Akol. ^-^ Thanks again!
No problem!
Hi Hedwiggle!
Akolxohez steals the show. His mannerism has been set up really well. I think that's an important thing to accomplish with a character early on. Once you've established that, you'll have the advantage of having the reader's imagination run and project onto the interactions, and that allows for some leeway as you won't have to depend as much on description every time to convey how the character's speaking or doing something.
It feels perfectly in character for Akol to just roll his eyes and carry on with his speech.
It was always going to be a bad idea. Seems a little odd to me that he'd let a total stranger with red eyes claiming to be a devil — at this point, Will must have made up his mind that Akol is a nutter — inside his house. Yes, it may be freezing outside, but Will also has every reason to not be nice this one time.
Until now we've only seen his playfulness, his smirk. Aud and Will haven't been taking him seriously. Akol's tried to reason with them, offered them money. Punching Will across the face without hesitation — from Akol's perspective, it's probably supposed to establish power in the room. If he is who he is and if he's beginning to lose patience, Aud and Will should be worried.
That's the review! Moving on to the next one.
~MAS
Thanks for the review!
You're welcome!
Hello again!
It was really interesting to see some of Audrey and Will's bickering this chapter, it kind of showed their relationship. I also like how bluntly Akolxohez explained everything to them, even though I can't really understand it.
Sorry I don't really have a longer review for you!
Thanks! I meant for it to be blunt - I'll be clearing things up in the next few chapters, I promise.
EverLight here with a review! My critique is not meant to hurt you, offend you, or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned-you may feel offended anyway.
The Review
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!! Akolxohez is a devil! Boy does that ever explain things!! OMG though. That was the last thing I was expecting!! And Ha. I knew that Audrey's artistic ability would have an important part to play in this story. I just knew it!
Rrrright. Not productive I know. Moving on, moving on.
Let's start this review off with this paragraph-
The line-''It's just a dream anyway. And look at the time. It's almost five. How long have we been talking?'' just doesn't sound right. I don't think the first thing a person would say after ''It's just a dream'', would be ''look at the time. It's almost five'' It'd be more like-''So stop worrying about it''
Also, this bit of description seemed confusing to me-
I don't think the words ''black to her, red to Will'' fit in there, and they kind of threw me off.
Now that I know Akolxohez is a demon (The word demon fits better than the word Devil) a few things don't make sense.
I'll start with this line-
Huskily? As in sorrowfully? That is a very unchacteristic emotion for a Demon. Demons don't show sympathy...Unless you mean huskily as in his voice was deep and gravelly.
I can't imagine a demon using the word please. However, demons are known for being great deceivers so it could be he's being polite with malicious intent (that's probably it lol me)...All of that aside I do find Akolxohez rather demon-like with his smircks, slick smiles, and ability to punch.
Your dialoque really shines in this chapter. I especially loved this part-
I loved thow he ''attempted to peel her off''' That bit made me laugh, as did the ''over-dramatically''.
Now that I know a bit more about where this is headed, I have some suggestions for the title-
Dancing With The Devil
A Painters Fire
Well, that concludes this review! I hope you found it helpful
Keep on writing,
Everlight
Thanks so much for the review! It was helpful!
Your welcome