Published August 18, 2020
Last Line(s): “Get ready to get outta here tomorrow evening at sun down ‘cause this Angel’s brother is on his way,” she said, doing little jig around the small room.
Everyone laughed despite their situation, not caring who heard.
Chapter 18
The day after, at breakfast, Akol didn’t eat anything. He hadn’t been eating anything for the past few days. He cancelled all his meetings, all his conferences, all the banquets, balls, everything, and spent his days in the library with Day for company in case he didn’t understand something.
So far, the king knew this much:
1. The more he thought/liked Audrey, the sicker Will would get, causing his death. If he died, they would be no saving Pluto.
2. All the past Devils had kept the Angel-once-loved-Devil thing to themselves and didn’t tell anyone. They all loved a Human, but never admitted it or talked to anyone about their problem.
3. There was a Devil once who fell in love with what he thought was an Angel but actually was a Human, and because it was thought of lowly back then, the Devil killed herself.
That specific morning, when Akol was reading a book on spells, he cursed loudly and threw the book across the library and at the window. It broke. Day, who was sitting with their legs propped up on an auto man, casually took out their wand, waved it, and the glass pieces flew back into place.
“Why is magic so hard to deal with?” Akol groaned.
“Why are you so hard to deal with? Every other day, your yelling at the maids and kids about how horrible they are,” Day said, deadpan. “You’re yelling all the time. Get over with it. There’s no cure, you idiot.”
“There has to be a cure, there a cure for everything, therefore there’s a cure to this.”
“Maybe you’re supposed to fall in love with an Angel to make up for what your ancestor did.”
Akol gaped. “I –”
He had nothing to say to that, honestly, but it did make sense. It was sort of like when you made something. If you were doing a puzzle, but you made it wrong somehow, you had to go back, restart and rearrange for the pieces to fit properly.
Akol jumped up. “It makes sense!” he exclaimed
But he would have to fall in love with an Angel.
Fall in love. With an Angel. First of all, was it even possible to force yourself to like someone? Second of all, an Angel of all creatures? He would rather fall in love with a pig. Even better, a brick wall. Or a bull.
“Ugh.” Akol sat back down and caught Day smirking.
“Teen angst, am I right?” they said.
Akol scowled. He didn’t ask for them to leave though. It was nice to have a comedian for company.
“I need to get to them. I don’t know if they’re safe, or in danger, and I have no idea if they’re even alive. What if an Angel caught up to them, and now they’re not alive? How about Obraya? She even threatened us on my return journey. What if she caught up to them and she’s done something to them? That –”
“Language…” Day said in a sing song voice. “Also, Obraya is an Angel.” They waggled their eyebrows at their cousin.
Akol gagged, shuddering. “Ew. What’s the fastest way to get to The Portal?”
Day pursed their lips and extended their palm. “I want leaves first, for being so helpful.”
Akol threw his head back and shrieked like a three-year-old seeing a spider. He shoved his hand down his back pocket, digging up a handful of Warcken. “Take all of it! Tell me, now.”
Day grinned as they started counting the leaves. “Horses, my dear friend, horses.”
There was a pop! and they were gone.
“Ugh.” Akol sat back down. “I’m so dumb.” He facepalmed.
He would have used alicorns, but alicorns were forbidden to Devils.
It would take so long to get to The Portal, and what would happen if something happened to the horse he would take with him – he usually rode Pebble, so it would probably be him – poor Pebble would be tired beyond belief after their journey. He sighed, rubbing his forehead.
***
“Hee-yah!”
Pebble’s hooves pounded on the grassy earthen floor, raising up some dust from the dirt. Critters and reptiles scurried out of the way and up into their burrows and nests.
The two galloped through the forest, Pebble snorting and huffing, Akol with a grim expression on his face. His eyes were set on the horizon.
Just when he saw the beginning of the fork in the forest, he patted Pebble on the right side of his neck, letting him know that they were going to the right side. It was a trick he had taught Pebble when he was a colt. Pebble snorted a reply.
Half an hour later, when Akol had reached the clearing that Will and the others had been at – he didn’t know that of course – he took a break for himself, and for Pebble. Akol didn’t need to tie the horse to a tree – Pebble was that good of a stallion.
***
The Portal was in sight.
“Finally!” Akol exclaimed, throwing up his hands as Pebble trotted. Pebble let out a neigh of delight as well. All that galloping had definitely gotten him tired.
The Portal’s mystical purple fog shimmered brightly as if greeting the two. Akol grinned, his fangs glinting slightly underneath the sun. Sweztyn was bright but less hot than before. Akol gave Pebble a slappy pat on the shoulder and hugged his neck. “C’mon, boy,” he said, urging the horse faster. Pebble sped up, pines trees and blueberry bushes all a blur.
Akol dismounted the horse and stood in front of the Portal, hands on his hips, and lips zipped into a tight line. He turned round and stroked Pebble’s muzzle. “You can go now, ‘kay?”
Pebble bobbed his head and walked away, swishing his tail.
The king took a deep breath. The glow of the Portal intensified, realizing someone was about to jump through. Black and white glitter shined in the fog and Akol took the sign and dove through the Portal.
There was a rushing sound - Akol clenched his teeth trying not to scream his lungs out - and everything swirled around him and his stomach felt as if it was being punched. It didn’t hurt though, so it felt more as if someone was slow-mo punching him in the stomach, which would probably have felt like a massage.
But on one’s stomach.
Which was weird.
Another rushing sound, and Akol tumbled out to the other side. He grunted as he rolled over and sat up, rubbing his left temple. He jumped up and looked around. The wizards’ world looked a lot like the human one - towering buildings, cars (but they weren’t mechanical, they were magical), people (wizards in this case) walking around, plant life, and the occasional wild animal trotting past the wizards.
It was the second time that he had come to the Wizards’ world. The first time, he had come only because of his great-great grandfathers’ funeral, but after that, he never went again. Didn’t bother to, either.
He took a deep breath. Time to find the palace.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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129,361 Literary Works • 671,505 Reviews
Hey Lib! I'm back with a review. I just read this and thought I'd review it right away.
I see that we have hopped back into Akol's (God, I don't remember his whole name anymore) point of view! I liked it! I didn't see any problem with the plot. It's smooth as usual. I did see a problem with your style of writing towards the beginning of the chapter and a tiny bit of grammar.
I don't think this is an appropriate way of listing things, especially in prose. You could do the same thing without the numbering and it would still make sense, so it's not quite necessary to number them.
Coming to that grammatical error I mentioned;
See here, the book is given more importance to because there is a verb affiliated with it; the book is the subject. So, when you say "it broke" it is confusing because the reader would naturally think that it's the book you're referring to and it would take a little sense making process to realize that it's the window. So, after a sentence like this, you should say "the window broke" because when you say "it" it's confusing.
So, that's all. I hope this benefitted you!
Yours sincerely,
Myth <3
__|_|__
Featuring this awesome banner by @LZPianoGirl
Nooot gunna lie but I read the part you quoted and thought the book broke and went ??? so I see what you mean. xD
Thanks for the review!! =D
PS: It's Akolxohez uwu
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Hi Liberty!
. I really feel pity for him because of the pain he is going through by concealing his true feelings about Aud. He knows it can cause Will's death and that's something he would not want to happen because of his love. Still he decides to go after them to make sure they are alright and that their mission is not compromised.
I always like the parts when we have Akol in the scene. He has become my favorite character now
This was a tragedy. ;-;
Okay, so this solution came out of the blue for me. I should have seen this coming xD This is such a nice idea. Can you set him up with Obraya?
pardon my silly imagination.That's so rude but yeah he has got every reason to hate the angels because of all this war.
Okay, so Akol reached the portal without much problem and entered into the Wizards' world. I hope you will give us some more insight about their place in the coming chapters. Some interesting facts and practices by wizards that will add more to the world building.
On one hand there's Obraya's brother coming to help our prisoners and then there's Akol himself. I am really excited to know how will Akol react when we gets to know that Obraya is helping them. There can be so many possible things that can happen now that can bring some really good action and excitement for us. I hope you are planning to surprise us again with some nice twists and turns.
Great work!
Keep writing
Aah thanks so much for the review, I'm always looking forward to yours! <3
Hi Liberty!!! Happy RevMo! This gets the honor of being the review that gets me my second blue star hehe.
Anyway, let’s get into it!
First off, I love this line! It’s so simple but it works well in adding that nice sneaky description and it just is pleasant to read! I love the thought of pine trees and blueberry bushes; not to mention (and this may just be quirky ol me) I love the sound of “blueberry bushes”.
Hmm... I’m not sure if it’s just me not remembering but this confuses me a bit. What does the “Angel once loved devil” mean? I think I may be missing a piece of crucial information here LOL. Additionally, the “they all loved a human” bit confuses me (also, how did they find all these humans to fall in love with?? *curiosity intensifies*).
Okay, so I’m REALLY glad we get more of Day! They are such a fun character, and their remarks to Akol are absolutely divine.
This in particular made me smile. I also love the “deadpan” bit, it really adds to the scene.
Alrighty, so they entered the portal to the wizards’ world!!! How exciting. I think the paragraph describing the world could use a *tad* bit more description; like what do the magical cars look like?! It’s mentioned that they’re not mechanical ... but do they float? Fly? Move on wheels with magic? What’s the “plant life”? Is it gorgeous green everywhere, or colorful flowers marking street intersections? Things like that! I love the little tidbit about the wild animal though, that sounds so cool!
Despite that, I’m VERY excited for Akol to explore this world. And see what happens with his crazy little problem here.
That’s it for now!
Peace,
~EternalRain
Thanks for the review!! And congrats on the second blue star! %uD83C%uDF1F
Also the Angel once loved Devil, idk what I did there but I'm pretty sure I was supposed to do Devil once loved Human. <.< Sorry about the confusion!! Idk *where* my mind was while I was writing this chapter lol.
OMG OK that makes so much more sense hahahah. xP
Hi Liberty!
I've been meaning to review this for a while. I love that we got a full chapter following Akol. He is probably my favorite character in this story. He's gone through quite a bit of development already, from being a creepy cashier in his first appearance. His internal struggle is really interesting too, and compelling.
A lot of things happened in this chapter. Akol potentially discovered a cure. He also managed to jump through to the Wizard's world. The interaction between Akol and Day was funny! Loved it. Comedy has proven to be your strong suit.
I like that you listed these details. It really adds clarity to the situation.
It's not that important but I was a little confused here. After a google search I realized there is a kind of couch called ottoman. For a moment I thought it's a case of autocorrection going rogue but I'm wondering that auto man is probably just an alternate spelling for it.
You missed an apostrophe S there. On a different note, it's a valid argument on Akol's part! But is it a sound one? Is there really a cure for everything? We'll have to keep reading to find out.
I'm intrigued that we're going to explore a new world. From the early looks of it, Wizard's world is going to be much like the human world, except it's occupied by wizards and there's going to be a magical twist to everything, e.g. cars run by magic.
Wait, was Akol's great-great grandfather a wizard? Also, Akol's in for a huge shock when goes to the palace and finds that the painter and the writer never got there.
That's it for this review. Overall, it was another enjoyable read! Keep on writing
~MAS
Ah thanks so much for the review!! I really enjoyed it! =D
You're welcome!!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm back.
First Impression: Hmm it definitely was a lot of fun to see what Akol has been upto. Now excuse me if I am slightly depressed in this one because I did 14 reviews before this and 12 of them did not have happy endings.
SorryAnyways this one...was a tad fast paced. We went right from "I MUST GO TO PORTAL" to "I AM AT PORTAL". That's not the worst thing in the world. It's okay to have I'm just pointing that out. Also poor Akol appears to be stuck between a rock and a hard place so him just going ridiculously fast to complete his quest of sorts does make sense.Anyway let's get right to it,
Definitely signs of series trouble.
Of course.....although how does he know about it if they never did actually admit it to anyone. They had to have admitted it to someone for him to find out unless this was from library books
or I have forgotten something in which case SORRY.Well that's an overreaction if I ever saw one.
Very classic right there. Random sarcasm leading to the answer. And that's a very interesting solution. I wonder how its going to end up playing because my brain is already forming a very weird theory about how this might go down.
OUCH.
Well someone has no idea what happened.
Yes please be considerate of the poor horse.
Pretty neat description for the portal even though its a little on the shorter side.
Definitely a very interesting way for this portal to be written.
Nice description again here to set the setting for when the chapter that takes place in this world is written.
And a pretty nice ending there as well. Definitely promises some exciting things to come.
Aaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: So overall it was pretty smooth. The scene breaks happened at some pretty well judged points so the whole thing felt pretty smooth. It could have been ironed out slightly if you extended that middle section a little but as it is it still works pretty good regardless. And this one gave me the couple of laughs I needed to avoid death by reading too many depressing stories. So thank you for that.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Ahah, I'm glad these characters make you laugh. xD Thanks for the review, it was definitely helpful!